This is it.
It’s the relationship I’ve always dreamed of having, the one you see in romantic comedies. The one you always hope to find but are never sure you actually will. You make me laugh uncontrollably, let me know I’m loved, and accept my goofiness.
But most importantly you’ve made me believe in love again.

I’ll never meet you, hold you, kiss you, or watch you grow up
I decided I just wasn’t ready to handle those things

At first I felt no guilt, no remorse, no sadness; I felt nothing

And now this cloud of rain follows me everywhere I go. And I see you in my eyes, and in his eyes. And I can’t help but wonder if I made the right decision by ending it all.

You never got a chance to come into this world
Your dad and I would’ve loved to have met you
But we knew that we weren’t ready
We knew that we couldn’t provide you the life we wanted to give you
But I promise you we will mourn the loss for the rest of our lives and you will always hold a special place in our heart
Mom and dad will always love you and I know we’ll meet again one day

I remember you getting out the wooden board. It meant I could finally get the fix I had been craving for so long. Line after line I fell more in love with you and decided we should take this back to your place. That night was full passion and heat; it was a high I never thought was possible.

When I’m sober I love you.
I see a future with you.
I think of all the great times we’ve had together and how I couldn’t stomach losing you forever


When I’m high I hate you.
I see our future come crumbling down right before my eyes.
I think of all the fights we’ve had and how much better I would be without you.

You tell me how men should treat me like you treat mom, but we both know Mom deserves better.
Remember the times she layed awake crying, knowing you were holding someone else the way you used to hold her?
So when I let a man treat me less than my worth how can you be mad?
After all I’m following your example

Every day I don’t wake up beside you it gets harder to breathe.
I feel my lungs gasping for air yet it seems I’ve forgotten how to breathe.
I long for the day when I finally learn how to breathe again.