Our love was like Porcelain…
Beautiful, delicate…
Meant to age for an eternity.
With every brush stroke,
I painted onto it my soul.
Imagining on the other side,
You were painting the same to make it whole.
As it turns out…
You weren’t painting at all,
Too worried you might use the wrong colors.
You turn away,
This piece just not the right one to paint.
As you fade, my grip fails.
Our porcelain, falls to the ground…
A thousand pieces scattered…
With it my soul,
I painted so carefully.

As we sit on the couch,
A day spent being lazy.
She catches from the corner of her eye,
As I’m helplessly gazing.
With a quick glance back,
“What are you staring at?”
At a loss of word…
“Oh… Nothing.”, is heard.
I mean, of course that’s what I say…
Heaven forbid, I let something crazy slip away…
What would she think,
Had I said, “I’m staring at the ocean,
And I feel the breeze everytime you blink…”?

You see, I’m not on the couch…
I’m standing on an empty pier;
Staring across a glistening blanket, so unclear.
For in your eyes I see..
No… I feel life…
From The Great Barrier Reef,
Bursting with colors that will take your breath away.
To the abyssal trenches,
Leaving you without words to say.

As I gaze, still bound to that empty pier…
One Question resounds, “What keeps me here?”
The answer becomes clear, as I sit and ponder…
It’s the dark of the deep, I was made to wander.
Though the colors on the surface, pristine.
I want the trenches and slopes, in between.
A diver in the reaches of your sea.
In your dark is where I long to be.
See, though the colors breathtaking… They are but a part.
It’s in the abyss, you find the soul and touch the heart.

In that moment I’m ripped from the ocean, and back upon that pier…
I’ll always be on that pier,
Waiting for the tide to carry me into your depths once more.
My heart grips around my neck,
As it gasps in a seemingly dying breath...
My mind scrambles,
These engulfing feelings it tries to digest…
To hear, “Oh… Nothing.” is probably best.

They say love is blind…
But, if love is so blind…
Then explain to me, why?
When I look into your eyes,
I can see my entire life…
My future plays in front of me,
Like a movie on a theater screen.
I walk out into the world and see,
Colors I never knew could be

Yet, in that same instance…
An overwhelming fear consumes me,
I see my world leaving me…
Cold and alone in the dark,
Losing myself searching for a spark.
To light the way back to that place,
But I’m drifting aimless in hollow space.

You see…
I found my vision,
When i found you…
But, now that vision has left,
And I have gone blind.
Left to see nothing but a deep dark blue.

Broken & Torn…
What do those words even mean?
Imagine your life playing up on a screen,
As you die a little in between each scene…
At this low numb would feel so…
So serene…

Broken & Torn…
You wish to give this hurt some rest.
Yet fail to stop this beating heart from falling,
Through the hole in your hollow chest.
As you gasp for breath on your way to your knees,
You know you’re lost beyond cries and pleas…

Broken & Torn…
You held onto hope, that your love could make them refrain…
Yet, in the end the other side was too good to abstain…
How can it be that I’m not enough?
I’m loving, I’m kind, and giving...
Here’s my entire world is that not enough?
As I count my heart snap, string by string…
It’s odd how we all come back to simply just one thing…
Though you try to fight it with might and scorn,
In the end you’re left…

They say the worst way to die is by love
Because, It’s the only thing
That will keep you alive to feel it…

I wish I could say this isn’t true,
Or at least say this isn’t about me…
But, you see it just wouldn’t be the same…
If it wasn’t written from my heart’s pain…

Don’t look back…
I don’t want you to see,
As I struggle to pick up all the pieces,
Of a broken me…

Don’t look back…
Because sometimes the sea is too deep to tread.
I’m stranded in the ocean,
Just trying to get out of bed.

Don’t look back…
I’d hate for you to stray
From this new future you’ve found,
Because you sometimes wonder about
The one you left laying on the ground.

Don’t look back…
Or do…
Honestly, I’ve forgiven you.
I almost want to say, I’m sorry too.
Because if… No…
When… You do.
I may not be here,
And you won’t get to see.
The garden that blossomed,
From the seeds you planted in me.

You are enough...
This I promise you...
all your flaws, all your weaknesses...
Come love, come pain...
You are enough...

I am not afraid to love,
Nor am I afraid of the fall.
What I fear is much worse…

At the age of 18,
I found my first love…
It wasn’t until nearly 10 years later,
I found my first fear…

She was my fourth love,
And I sure fell hard…
As I showed her every part of me,
With every touch she would heal a scar…

As the years past,
Her love failed to last…
With every new word I’d hear,
I could feel a new scar appear…

I am not afraid of love,
Nor am I afraid of the fall.
You see, my fear is worst of all…
I fear all the reasons,
You fell in love the same…
In the end become the reasons,
You lay to blame…

This is a letter,
From a Father to his Daughter.
There are few things in this world,
I can neither prepare or protect you from…
But allow me this chance,
To guide your growing soul.

This letter is one of love and loss…
Not the love we share,
But the love of another kind…
My sweet girl please beware,
For this is the love that can leave you blind…

It will shoot you into the sky,
Leaving all you thought real behind.
Yet, In that same breath you’ll fall victim to it’s scorn…
As you crash back into earth,
Feeling nothing but broken & torn…

In the end all I can say,
With absolute certainty…
Never let a chance to love slip away…
For, you’ll never truly find what makes you whole…
Until you learn to love with not just you heart,
But your entire soul...

I remember the first day, you came into my life…
It changed me, but at that time I didn’t know…
I remember the first day, I realized I could love you…
We strayed from that party… alone, If only for a moment…

As the years passed, you were always there and I was always here…
Until finally, the stars aligned…
The moon whispered into my heart,
It is time!
Through nervous exchanges, I carved time into my life for you…
I needed you to know just what you were to me…

I remember our first fight…
I told you I loved you, to which you’d reply
“You can’t possibly know that yet… I need to go, bye.”
I remember my first loss of words…
I struggled to explain how this simply wasn’t too soon…
You see, I had searched for you for a thousand, thousand years…
It took the stars to align to bring us together, and I refuse to not give in…

As we grew closer with every kiss, every touch, every breath…
I gave to you a piece of my heart, sliver by sliver until in your hand…
Every part…
I knew this was were I was meant to be…
Sadly this is where the story takes a dark turn…
Within you a darkness, slowly grew…
I did my best to keep the monsters away…
But as the darkness grew, you lost track of my light…
You told me us, simply didn’t feel right…

I remember the first time I lost you…
And as you left,
I remembered that slivered heart in your hand…
As you tell me, “I want you to move on…”
“I want you to be happy…”
I struggle to explain, I simply can’t…
You see, to be happy you need your heart.
But, I gave it to you...
Every fiber of my being cries,

Give it back!

Give it back!

… please.

The problem is…
I don’t know how to get it back,
And you don’t know how to give it back…

The problem is…
I don’t know if I want it back…
In your hand I crafted it whole…
How could it ever be returned that way?

The biggest lie I told myself as a child…
My life is going to be like the movies!
Everyday would be an adventure,
I knew love would hit me like a meteorite…
Burning, intense, and instant…
It would turn my world upside down overt night!
Instead, I was more like a frog… in slowly boiling water.
As the heat rose I found myself unable to escape.
I found I didn't want to escape,
Content with what fate had set aside for me.
I saw happiness as a final destination point on a map,
Where all my dreams would finally come true.
But what I found when I finally met reality…
Was instead, happiness is more like dust.
Seemingly insignificant,  unnoticeable…
Until you take a moment to look around,
It blankets everything.
You see, our whole lives we strive to reach this final point.
But, isn't that the real tragedy?
You spend forever just make it there,
Just to be told the destination was the journey and you missed it.
Happiness is not some grand destination,
But instead all the small joys you find in the nothings of life.
Happiness is not that point on the map…
No, instead happiness is…
Dust…

You make me homesick,
For a place I've never been
I feel welcome,
In the sound of your voice
I swallow a thousand butterflies,
At the very thought of you
I want to wander,
Lost in your gaze
Take my hand,
Lead me to a place I never want to return from...
Take my hand,
And just don't let go…
I linger on the very thought of you coming back
Because you make me homesick,
For a place I've never been...

I am the moon…
I was your moon…
My love flowing free, like the raging tide…
My glow for you, the darkest clouds couldn’t hide…

I am the sun…
I was your sun…
My heart burning with a bright fierce flame…
In the end to burn out, with nothing but shame…

I am the ocean…
I was your ocean…
My compassion deep and vast…
With a glistening sparkle I thought would forever last…

I am the mountain…
I was your mountain…
Your solid rock, in the darkest of blues…
An unyielding love, when you simply didn’t know what else to do…

I am the moon…
I was your moon…
But that glow has gone awry…
Left in the dark, as you count the stars in the sky…

Into the woods we ran.
Our bodies and souls entwined,
A ravenous ivy…
Consuming everything we could see,
Claiming it our own.

Until we stumbled upon a large oak tree,
In the middle of the wood.
There I stopped,
Pulling you closer…
I showed you every cut, every cracked branch, every hole…
You held my hand close to your chest,
As we covered every blemish…

From then on every moment,
Bursting with life.
The sun rose a heat,
Dwarfed only by my passion for you.
The breeze blew,
A caress, familiar… comforting…
An exhale, a thousand butterflies…
The same butterflies you breathed into me,
Our first kiss.

But, our forest fell under fire…
The spark from a new smile…
As the wood set a blaze,
Our ivy fade to ash.
The butterflies left to chase a new desire.

There sits that lone oak tree
Cuts, cracks, holes…
But this time, it’s burning to it’s very last fiber.
Now tell me, when a heart falls…
And not a soul is around,
Does it make a sound when it breaks?

I wonder if the sun gets the same butterflies I do,
When it gets the chance to see you smile?

I bet the wind blows the moment you walk out the door,
Just so it can caress the curves of your face.

I imagine the rivers gently flow,
To the beat of your steady heart.

The moon rises to lift the oceans,
To make sure it never lets you down again.

And I know these hands have stopped shaking,
So your heart will never feel the pain of being dropped.

As we lay there,
Our souls… Suspended in space in time
Our bodies collide,
Two ships… Discovering new shores
And you trace,
In my skin… The picture of our future
Our lips lock,
And into me… Life, you breathe

Now...  I’ve never truly felt like I was home.
But, when I close my eyes…
And, I imagine what it must feel like to come home
The only thing I can picture is you
A warm embrace
A familiar truth
And, I know… It is safe
You and I can just… be…

You always said, “I don’t know what you see in me.”
Allow your soul to be a canvas,
As I paint you with these words.
Never lose them…

Lover
I see the sunlight in your skin.
That’s why I kissed every freckle and then one more,
So you’d know not even the sun…
Could love you as deep as I can.

Lover
Your hair,
Smells like every rose I’ve ever encountered.
That’s why when you’d leave,
I’d steal your pillow…

Lover
Your lips,
Are made of the softest velvet.
I’d touch your face when you’d kiss me,
Just to make sure they were really there.

Lover
Your eyes whispered,
“Baby… I could ruin your life.”
To which I replay,
“Sweetie… I want you here, to ruin the rest of my life.”

Lover
Your heart… Though tattered and imperfect.
I reached out with trembling hands,
Rest your weary heart here…
For I will never let it fall to the ground.

Lover
The night you said with tears in your eyes,
“Don’t let me mess this up.”
And I promised,
“Just don’t go…”

Lover
The night old love reached out,
I need you…
Yet, You returned to me,
What we had just too good to lose…

Lover
From that moment, the sun rose for me…
Until love left…
Not in a burn out, more how the moon delivers the night…
Heavy and silent…

Lover
New beds, galaxies away…
My love left…
On the tops of mountains,
The bottom of the ocean,
In the middle of the forest…

Lover
Every morning I hear that door close,
I walk to the edge of the highest cliff…

Lover
I am still longing for you…
Are you searching for me?
Because, I am still right here…

Lover…

Lover…

We are all lost,
We simply need that one we were meant to wander with…
Sometimes we're all a little broken,
But let me mend you.
No…
I can't fix everything that's wrong
No…
I don't have some magical wand to make the pain go away.
But, let me mend you.
Let me believe in you,
When you can't believe in anything.
Let me hold you up,
When your whole world is falling apart.
Let me find your beauty,
Inside and out when sometimes everything seems gray.
Let me show you that you belong,
Because I promise… There are days when I need you.
Let me love you,
Even when you can't find love for yourself
Let me mend you,
Because sometimes…
We find that one we were meant to wander with.

At the drop of a hat, from sunny to grey
You’re rendered speechless, not a word to say
You hear in the distance of this haze,
“Are you okay?”
To which you mutter a reply
“Yeah… I’m fine.”
But, you know you’re not fine…
Yet, this isn’t the time…
To open up like a book, let them see inside.
So you bite your tongue, you try to hide.
For when they find you… They always find you…
It takes all you have, just to put up a fight.
You see…
I care not for the monsters that lurk in the night…
No… My fear is of a different kind…
I’ve found there is no escape,
From the monsters that lurk in my mind…

I was once asked, “What is a poem?”
After much thought,
A poem is just a thing…
A collection of words,
Meant to make one feel… or not.
But as I thought,
A deeper question came to mind.
“What is poetry?”
The answer becomes much more complex.
Poetry is the art of,
Putting words into motion.
It’s the art of,
Everything and Nothing.
Light and Dark.
Love and Hate.
Passion and Apathy.
Joy and Melancholy.
When asked, “What is poetry?”
To put it simply,
The answer is…
Me…

Should I sit here, and count all the reasons she makes me feel alive...

I suppose, I shall never again move from this spot...

There are not so many transitions in life as peculiar as love.

the stages from

"I think, I could love you."

to

"I want, to love you."

to

"I know, I love you."