I was in love with you
I was infatuated with you
My thoughts were no longer my own
My actions no longer mine
And the way you spoke differed
Vastly
From the way you acted
I had turned my friends away
For you
Turned myself away
I was no longer my own
But a puppet
In your masterpiece
And it's sad
To think
how such a good person
Can be such a bad person too
And so I begged you
To let me free
Even though
Your intentions were good
I needed to be set
Free
Because it's sad
To think
How such a good person
Can be such a bad person too
And I am no longer in love with you.

I finally understand why my mom used to say:
"Saying sorry doesn't fix the situation."
No matter how many times you say it, it cannot undo what has been done.
It cannot magically mend what has been broken.
it can't fix a broken heart.
just like it can't put a broken porcelain dish back together.
saying sorry does not turn back the time.
Sorry only helps the person doing the apologising.
so that they may feel better for a little while at least...
it only eases the hurt.
It does not end the hurt.
I can forgive you for when you say you are sorry,
but I won't forget how much hurt you have caused.

he doesn't know me anymore
rather trusting a rumour than my heart
rather believing a silly lie than the truth I cry
he doesn't know me anymore
claiming I'm the one who changed
claiming I've been breaking his heart
he doesn't know me any more
and I don't think I want that anymore
I am tired of being treated lesser
like I am no longer who I was in the beginning
I don't know him anymore...
and that is killing me.

i looked into his eyes today
and felt a shiver run down my spine.

i had dreamt of him last night.
he had written in a card for me
telling me that he was scared to love me but that he wanted to, so badly
and i had wanted to tell him that i was scared, too,
but that i was too in love with him to care.
but i couldn't pick up the pen, couldn't speak to him
and suddenly i wasn't moving, i was falling
down
but not to him.
into an abyss.
perhaps i was drowning in emotions...

and when i looked into his eyes today,
i could not see anything.

does he even consider me?
yes. he is a little younger.
and no. i don't care.
because when you love, it's for real.

but will he ever think of me?
has he?

i wish that i could captivate him
the way he captivates me, even when he isn't anywhere near me.

i want to know him
but does he wish to know me?

i glanced into those dark, intriguing eyes
and felt my heart-beat pick up
but had to look away.

i do not want to reveal my feelings for him...
but i wish i could.

oh, how I wish...
i wish he would notice me

And then he touched her.
The slightest touch.
In the briefest of moments.
A whisper of skin on skin.
His hand brushing lightly against hers.
But it was enough.
Her cheeks warmed and her hand tingled.
In that moment she wanted to look up at him
But knew that she would reveal a secret love.
So the touch remained secret too.
A whisper of skin on skin in a crowded room,
A sign that she was his only one.
It was enough
To electrify her soul
And make her heart cry out

I don't always feel loved.
Someone can tell me how much they love me for a few months, and I'll feel it,
But as soon as that person slows down on saying it, I don't  feel the love anymore.
Maybe it's just me...
I don't know.
And then I lash out.
And then they wonder why I'm so mean and such a *****.
I can't help it.
Perhaps that's me defending my heart from another let down.
I don't know...
And when I lash out, I hurt them badly.
So badly that I fear I've lost them forever.
But they still stay.
And then they love me harder.
But then I feel it fade again..
What is it about me?
Do I repel you so?
Is the fact that I'm such a Feeler so dreadful?
Sometimes I don't feel loved at all.
Because I've been a victim of so much bullying through the years.
How many years?
9 years.
I'm only 18 now, and still, I'm a victim.
No one should be a victim of bullying.
And I'm hoping that when I leave school at the end of this year, all the hatred will detach itself from me. All the bullying will go.


I'm sorry that I lash out.
It's the only way I know how to cope lately.
I've been let down so much.

Soon I'll not have a name to you.
Soon I'll only be a girl you once knew.
One day, I won't have a face either.
And one day when you pass me in the mall
You won't recognize me.
But I'll remember you.
I'll remember how you chose to forget about me.
And a look of confusion will cross your face
When I smile at you.
And you'll go home
And after a while
You'll remember my face.
And you'll remember my name.
And you'll remember how you chose to forget me
And you'll ask yourself why you did.
But I will have moved on
I will have forgiven you by then,
And that will make you think
And think
And think.