Mydriasis Aletheia

Mydriasis Aletheia Jul 2017

The air hangs heavy        ❖       Breath rising slowly
Overhead                 From my lungs
Stale smoke mixed                   Fire in my abdomen
With blood and sweat                   Sparked by ethanol
  I pick up parts                Kindled by stress
      Try to collect                 I'm falling apart
The shattered remnants         Without any
Of who I was              Connection
Making into mosaic   the fractured pane
         who I am     Reflects me best
I colour greys   Mindache longing
Into the reds     For that (w)hole
I took the pills                I can lose myself
To fit through gaps             In release/escape
I flew so high         As I feel and
The time still laps        And know faith
I've past the line         I see my action
And I can't come back      Fading with grace
     As my choice  is made
    I hang my head              Walking determined
And embrace the stain       For I know this way
    Everything clear           And I am ready to tread
Sharp, apparent          That familiar pattern
I dwell alone           Of haunting comfort
Inside confinement              And helpless empowerment
I find peace       That comes from walking it
Within the substance                    I know the use better than
        Substantial loss           Others who think they know
Weighs not on thought         What love is, I'll love it
For it brings some light                    To my last
Within my dark                   Because it's who I am
I'm okay        And I'm alright
To burn and rot         I can cleanse or purge myself
      My choice is mine      My freedom, without them I'd be
And I choose               Someone else
   The drugs ◈ They are me
And I
Am them
All the same
Yet different
I strive to separate
Mix the thoughts
And paint
The dread
Turn into
Beautiful shades
Of something new
Sometimes used
Something I can
Comprehend
Mixed well
The drugs combat
The sense of hate
The sense of pride
The sense of pain
And instills the life
I fly inside
While the flesh
I lay
Grounded
Sky
Soars
Through these mental
Doors which bring me
Away from the pain
And the hurt
And I'll flaunt
My junkiesque hubris
If I want to because
Accepting who I am
Gave me power and
Power gave me control
I could change my burning soul
But I hope my style gets on your ****
Because at least that means
I'm being realistic
Being true to who I am
Living in symbiosis with what compounds
I choose at the time, whatever allows me
To see the vibrancy of the world
Maybe others will see the value
    Through these ◆ viewtiful words.

written between May 19th-30th 2017
▼

Mydriasis Aletheia Jul 2017

Kenopisia

During the holidays we'd spend some time
on our university campus
tripping.
I'm sure the total amount of time spent there
under the influence of psychedelics
would surprise
a few of my lecturers, but I know that
places of learning benefit from
the open-minded.

Campus, when it's empty, is wondrous. It has
always been a place I can feel safe
and comfortable in.

Mydriasis Aletheia Jul 2017

Pretentious/Facetious (Collaboration with Glass)

Burlesque fatuous is the implication of your emotional daily pretentiousness. I am seldom, otherwise a psychopath, able
to own fraternity which I can't
discernment or jester because there is an art to love and ******
And it's a conventional edit to your own dullness. I am vivid,
Debris to impersonation.
I am absent but identical
to thin air. I am a Prometheus
Arabian night in Lysistrata premise.
My words may remind you of the day I held your eyes in infinite cluster. Perhaps my love isn't enough for you to understand. For example, the glassed vain is paralysis iridium illicitness which is svelte to inadmissible synthesis. The cloud let are torsion, assail with cypress and impossible solariums; and the propane was a sensation of disjointed loveliness.
Every time I go for a walk, mosquitoes understand my lonely talks because they sip my blood at a quarter past ten but these glazed roads scrutinized my wrist, escorted vernal preposterous blue/purple relentless ghostly cheekbones.
Thought I could festive the blaze among the cedar bridge road
but take a pause and look at my skin and thighbones,
Preterists to flowered unless I smile and tell you
"This is heartbreak"*

*Unable to keep up with your facetiousness, personality failed me temporarily. Mind melting in a moment of dissonance,
This cognitive refrain refracts the 'I' that oscillates accordingly.
One's morphology, tuned to its own metric of change.
Hypnos whispers and sleep beckons, taunting insomnia (which makes a mockery of all humans) but Morpheus has no time for anything less than grandiose archetypes.
Last night I may have dreamt or drunk some foolish things, told people the truth untruthfully, let slip more than I should have.
What a pity, secrecy. They say
information wants to be free.
Who lingers in the details?
Past memories are liberated only by the present. I stand here in the downpour, soaking it all in.
Compassion, god is in the rain.
My fulgurite heart resting on the palm of a deity, at a tilt, slowly it's sliding off; when it fell I gasped.
The reflection of wide eyes in each of its atria, emotion flowing through these venae cavae, those
dilated eyes shimmered before it shattered, gleaming with passion. Us, in the blink of an I.

written on May 13th, 2017.

Mydriasis Aletheia Jul 2017

Panthera Tigris

Had a bump of hexen last night
and some heart-strain this morning.

I should probably worry, but I don't know
what takes precedent. To be politically incorrect,
I feel like I'm sick in the head
a lot of the time. It's who I am,
Who I had to become to survive,
To live, and even though
I'm through it
I struggle to forgive myself. I hope this is the start
of a better relationship between us, ourselves, I;

For the first time in a long while I felt
wholeness after poiesis, reconciliation, reintegration.

ॐ

Mydriasis Aletheia Jul 2017

Rubatosis

My sadness is closer
to the surface, I can feel it
tugging at my mind
but my gut won't budge
and all else is quiet.

All I can hear is my own
lonesome heartbeat
as I wonder
whether it's possible
to die of a broken heart.

I don't know why I'm sad,
I have so much to live for
but I set the bar too high.
Guess my cardio isn't
what it should be.

*Guess we could blame
the N-Ethylhexedrone,
Hexen does seem to pressure that *****.

A nasty little thought struck a few weeks ago: being able to afford depression, having time for anxiety, stressing over anything other than survival; if you set the bar low enough we're all privileged. Such is the disregard and contempt I've held for my own humanity.
I am trying
to change,
I want to
so badly
I would relinquish who I am,
I would lose myself again.
To what end? Will it be
The Entheon or
The Apotheon
that captivates me
and will I've changed
at all if I succumb to their
homeliness; split the spectra.

Mydriasis Aletheia Jul 2017

Optimism (For (A) Change)

Love is eternal
though spirit
may change.

Once you love you always love.
A moment in time is suspended
as past diverges from present,
Love becomes attached in memory.

People may change but memory is immutable
once its sense is set,
Although knowledge and understanding
are not always the fastest of friends.

Don't be afraid of change,
Embrace it, roll with it and
you always come out on top.

Mydriasis Aletheia Jul 2017

Emphatic Loan

All happiness is borrowed.

Tell us about the consequences
of love: innocence, guilt; danger,
Vulnerability; humility, humanity.

Can we ever truly know the reactions
our actions sow? Once I was warm, now
that darkness grows cold. Once I was alone,
Now loneliness is like home. Once I tread upon
fresh snow, now I ask you to forgive us our trespasses.

Forgive me for changing.

I used to be a night owl. For a time I thought I was happy,
Love threw down, engulfed me. I'm not out of it yet, come
drown with me, in happiness and darkness, with no regrets.

Experience is life's interest on our existence and we all pay our dues.