Lonely people
seem obligated
to party harder.

Always up in the middle of the night,
Making sure the dark stuff is done right.

Gotta be loose with expression
and make an impression
on the malleable world
that lies before us.

The luxury of living,
At the expense of life.

Get your finery on and let the games begin,
Blackout suit, purple shirt, and a tie to match
those gleaming eyes.

The dinner was alright
now get ready to fight. White powder on the counter,
A dusted card and a rolled-up fiver.

Codine chills, calm instilled,
Colorful lights, relaxed thrills.

Later on and we're back in black.
Hometown beatdown. Go hard, get smashed.

Messy nights never get old,
River of glass across a broken road.
Tonic wine's best served cold, its medicinal properties
remain unknown. The sweet nectar, a bottle of B
to resurrect me.

Just the end of another debutante night,
Staying classy while we drink and fight.

I always end up on my own at the end of a night,
Last one standing when dawn breaks on the sleep deprived.

As Sid once cried out "I'm so alone!";
Yet saving face all the time.
My soul hurts when I can't help it,
I try so hard but I can't let 'em know it.

That drained feeling at sleepless dawn
as the sun rises while I yawn.

I'm getting derealization twenty-four/seven;
Unreality has made alterations
unto my perception.

Donnie Darko awoke in bewildered displacement,
I too arose to this disconcerting amazement.
Found myself lying on green grass
at a golf course twisted by Alice In Wonderland.
Checkered tiles black-and-white
and pine trees swaying in the half-light.
Familiar faces put me at ease, an acid blotter
got emptied.
Got dosed in my dreams. Got on my knees.
Was tripping in my sleep.
What would it mean for when I woke up?

This dream didn't stop.
I woke up but my mind did not.
Reality wasn't enough.
Disassociation followed me home.

I woke up
but kept dreaming. The walls felt soft
and the colors were peeling.
I have felt this before,
Felt the days double over;
My mind lucid,
Fatigued no more.

It always begins the same. Ordinary day.
Then we start and that goes away.

I met up with some mates and went for a drink,
Dropped the singular and began to sink.
Testing the waters of inebriation,
I waded into a sea of intoxication.
In liquidity I lost lucidity
and floated off, spinning chillingly.

Gotta get loose and keep it moving,
The second you stop, you start losing.

I never lost curiosity,
The feelings of exploration never ceased to move me.
Each venture was another chance
to find something I couldn't catch.

On binge drinking I have this to say:
Relief is no valid reason to partake,
Sport is fair but only with mates;
And discovery is a double-edged blade.

I felt an overwhelming need to get lost
just as school was about to start.
Something was wrong,
The sways had begun to occur for too long
and I felt existence laid bare.

My eyes are open, the colors are intact.
Of those who gaze into the abyss,
Few have seen it stare back.

I continued to look
even when cooler heads' turned
and more courageous hearts' shut their valves.

You see, I would go about obtaining knowledge
in all the wrongs ways.
I am altered.

I'd ask questions
that'd bring me back.
Can I perceive what I am?
Who is that?
Is patience the right course of action?
Will it come back?
Am I insane, what of insanity?
Does it slowly grip me like an ego grows vanity?
Return to the plain from where you absconded?
What might you find has settled in your mindset?
What see you that'd scares you so?
This psychobabble taken root in my soul.
What eats at you,
What do you know?
Are you so scared of what you've grown?

Am I so scared.
What do I know?
What've I become?

There is work to be done.
Before you know it
you'll be back again.

Walking down the promenade as dawn reared from behind us,
Dark clouds broke apart with a subtle hue of kindness.
Slow air chilled the beach-side fresh enough
to keep our heads cool after another night so venturous.

The hour so early no one was up,
The breeze so lazy it stayed soft.
All as turquoise waves lap it up,
Like stars' rays in a primordial teacup.

The perfection was fading, but right's right.
The half-light was aging, but what a sight.

Another bank of fleeting memories,
More reasons to smile unintentionally.