Father, I know you have seen my name on the news.
They’ll never catch me alive, I’d rather die than lose.
Mother, please, don’t cry. To find who I am and not lose my mind;
I had to start over and leave all of y’all behind.
Brother, you’re smart and talented, you’re stubborn too.
That’s what I adored the most about you
Middle sister, I know you’re worried about me but I am fine.
Give my niece a hug from me, I’ll come to visit sometime
Big sister, I know this is what you warned me about, but please try to see
He’s not the bad guy here, he pulled the trigger but the plans were on me.

I deleted your pictures, and the stupid poem I wrote.
I erased the drawings and scratched out the stupid love quotes.
I detached and forgot what we could be.
Because I felt it all, and you were playing me.

Bruises black and blue on gray, is being alive worth the price?
For every time she surrenders herself and falls to her knees, a piece of her soul dies.
Trembling hands and pale white lips, she’s tearing at the seam.
Poison coursing through her veins contaminating every dream.
Shameful secrets, deceit, and lies, every day stuck on repeat.
Little girl, I pray that when this high has faded, your heart continues to beat.
Kept beneath the surface, self-doubt rooted and planted its seed.
Paint with silver, the ink blood red, bitterness started to breed.
She found her voice and revealed her pain in the stories she bleed to write.
She pushed her luck and went too far, No, she won’t sleep tonight.

I was wild and reckless
You were patient, made success
You tamed the wolf inside of me
So call me your puppy, baby

Stay away from me, don’t come here
Roses wither when I come near
I’m living on the edge of a knife
And everything I touch turns to ice
I promised you, I next time won't go back to who I were before you came around
But you know it's in my blood and my hands are tightly bound  
And if I fall into the water and once again sink down
Walk away from me and let me drown

Rumor has it I’m addicted to drugs
Rumor has it I’m cold and give no *****
Rumor has it I can’t keep a man around
Rumor has it I don’t have both feet on the ground
Rumor has it I’ve been put away in jail for assault
Rumor has it I can twist the truth until nothing’s my fault
Rumor has it I used to be sweet and kind
Rumor has it he’s the reason I lost my mind

There’s something I have not told many around me.
And something I rarely show and you'll probably never see
But something you really need to know to understand why I sometimes act weird or I am distant.  
And the reason I will ignore you in school unless you come to me and my energy is nonexistent.
I'm always in pain, I always have some sort of prescription painkillers with me.
They don’t remove everything but they help me to function to some degree.
To be completely honest, I don't know how my liver is working and I'm not dying.
I take my painkillers over maximum dosages and if I said I cared, I'd be lying.
I often spend my days in bed in pain and mostly you can't reach me
If you meet me in school I can bet I’m wearing one black bracelet on each wrist
I have them to soothe the sickness from the drug's side effects my doctor missed
I have tried to be strong and not let it take over who I used to be
But living is for me only bittersweet, I will never be free

Smile.
Cover it up, whatever you do, don't let it show  
Smile.
Don’t say it really ******* hurts, they don’t want to know
Smile.
Don’t let them see you are actually faking
Smile.
Smile even when you feel your heart is breaking

Please, go easy on me. My heart is failing me.
My soul is worn out, and I fall to my knees.
I been broken every time i dared to lend my heart.
But something in me is saying it'll stay in one part.
But having you around me put my mind at ease.
You look me in my eyes ,and time  just freeze.
I can weather any storm, and i will keep you safe.
You have my soul tied to yours, I'm not going anyway.

If I spiral, will you distract me from my own mind?
If I get manic, will you listen to my endless rantings?
If I get suicidal, will you convince me to don’t give up?
If I lose hope, will you count all my reasons to keep going?
If I lose my way, will you walk with me home?
If I lose my vision, will you be my eyes?
If I get anxious, will you reassure me and let me know I’m loved?
If I needed someone, could I come to you?

I know I shouldn’t feel like this but I do
I am slowly falling in love with you
But you’ve got her and I got him
And the chances of something happening are really slim
I know I should cut you off, run and hideaway
But something about this makes me wanna stay

Please go easy on me, my heart is failing me.
If only there was a way for me to help you see.
How your storms break down my spirits and mind.
And your harsh words come and leave me crying inside.
But I can weather any storm you throw my way
And no matter what you do to me, I’ll always stay.

When we first met, you were a stranger
At first glance I knew my life was in danger
You know I would do it all again.
But I was honest and you played pretend
You switched up on me and everyone could see
That you lied and promised you would change for me
But I don’t know what I’m gonna do
Cause now I can see right through you
When we first met, you took my breath away
But I knew you would move on one day
We turned into something that we didn’t plan
Now you’re more distant than when it all began

I used to live in haze and coldness, but then I met you.
You showed me a whole other life and all the beautiful things I could do.
And suddenly I could breathe again and the sun shined so bright.
And every time the sun went down the moon lit up the night.
The girl I was before you touched my heart is not in control any longer.
And in her spot, a better me started growing and I feel so much stronger.

I still feel you in my veins like a threat.
I still preach your words through my breath.
I blame the drugs for my shame and mistake
But you're the one to blame for my poison intake.

There are a lot of things I do not dare to say
Like, the last time I trusted someone they walked away
I am terrified to really let someone in
Scared of letting someone see the scars deep within
I have been cut so many times before
I do not expect people to stay around anymore

i planned my suicide last night
It gave me a sense of feeling alright
I planned to take my pills and let them take effect
I have like 500 or 600 of them last time I checked
No more having to lie when I say “I’m okay”
Because I planned my suicide to happen today

I am a woman, not a first-prize trophy, not a piece of meat or prey for you to catch.
I wasn’t born into this world for your satisfaction or your enjoyment. I will not be belittled, hushed, called sweetheart, or talked over.
I will not stand by and watch while my sisters get abused, *****, murdered, and thrown away like a piece of chewed-up chewing gum.
“Men get ***** too you know!” If that’s your first thought when I said that then you’re the problem here too.
“Men get abused too” if you say that only to minimize the issue women have with abuse then you’re both stupid and a coward.
They say her skirt was too short, she was too drunk, she was flirting, and never how he ***** her.
As if the amount of skin I show is the amount of infliction I deserve.

To my heart, you’ll always hold the key
A part of my soul is forever yours to keep
Just because we have to part, doesn’t mean this is a goodbye  
The mistakes we made, is no reason for you to cry

Youth
Young, reckless, wild, and free
That’s what I’m supposed to be
Parties, hangovers, and coming home late at night
That’s what they say youth is all about
Impatient, medicated, and losing my patience
Tired of being treated as another mentally insane cases
Take another pill, medicate the broken soul
Knowing **** well that I’ll never be whole