You deleted your Spotify playlist with songs about me
And I can’t understand just how you moved on so quickly
Because I was going to fall asleep in your sweatshirt
Now I’m the one who ended up with my heart hurt
I hate to admit the damage you caused
Because I know this is all my fault
And I know I will love you for centuries
But now we’re just strangers with memories

If I spiral, will you distract me from my own mind?
If I get manic, will you listen to my endless rantings?
If I get suicidal, will you convince me to don’t give up?
If I lose hope, will you count all my reasons to keep going?
If I lose my way, will you walk with me home?
If I lose my vision, will you be my eyes?
If I get anxious, will you reassure me and let me know I’m loved?
If I needed someone, could I come to you?

It all starts with a feeling of pure fear and discomfort. Every day I swallow pills prescribed to make me happy but all they do is leave me more empty. The Serotonin and Dopamine deficiency is rooted deeper than the pills can reach.
Nobody knows what's going on inside of my head, and I've always wanted it to stay that way. But I’ve grown to realize that keeping my voice quiet will be the death of me.
I've got the kind of sadness you can't laugh away. I got the kind of exhaustion you can't sleep away. I got the kind of pain you can't medicate away. I got the kind of stress you can't drink away. Taking walks and yoga can't heal this. I sit in my bed all day counting down the hours until I can go to sleep. I lay awake staring at the roof until the room bathed in sunlight and I pressed replay. I lose myself for hours staring into the wall wishing I had the energy to pull the trigger I go for long walks lasting for hours in the end while chain-smoking to ease my thoughts I scream but at the bottom of the sea while drowning your words lose their meaning Nicotine and tar make me numb for long enough to catch my breath
Let me be
I’m a mess
I'm fragile, but not fragile like a flower
I’m fragile like a bomb
One wrong move and I blow up and destroy everything and everyone around me.
But I’m too far gone to care

You broke my self-esteem so grievously
It's crazy how skin can bruise so easily
You put deep wounds deep inside of me
And left scars no one but I can see
You left me battered, black and blue
But I find myself calling out for you
You battered, bruised, and got me to my knees
I believed you when you said you loved me

I am drawn towards the sick
I love the lunatic
I feel at home with the wicked
I’d die for the sickened
We all have our own demons
I am a part of the heathens

I should've known from the start that you'd let me down
I should've known we'd become the talk of the town
I didn't give a **** if we came off as shady
As long as you'd answer my calls with "How's my lady?"
In the car singing "Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep"
Didn’t care if the world called you a creep
I was blinded by how you calmed my rage
So I didn’t care I was half your age
~ A.S 10.04.20 ~

I'm not fine, not even okay
My anxiety holds me down forcing me to obey
Having the world on your shoulders is harder than I'm prepared to go through
Being looked down at and pushed to the limit for what I'm capable to do  
How on earth will I ever be okay again
Will I ever go back to who I was, will I ever be able to break these chains
It's holding me down to pieces and breaking me apart
I wish I could go back, I wish I could just push the restart
All my friends say that I could take something to fix it just a little bit
**** it, I wish it, I wish it was as simple as they picture it
It's slowly eating me, killing me inside until there's nothing here to fight for
Giving my all just to lose it again, lying crying on the bathroom floor
And no matter how much I try to keep a clear sight
The demons hold me back and it's getting harder to fight
To not know who you are, fighting my best not to fall apart
To have a soul full of scars and looking for the remedy for the broken heart
To not know who you will become when all ends, will I still be the same as when it all began?
Will I still be the old me that never bends?
To not know how you will manage everything
To have to go through hell and not be able to do anything
To not know if you have the power to say what you feel
And to be called a child and to have no own will
To be called too young to know what’s best for myself
That “You're too young to take care of yourself”
But if y'all knew what's inside of my head
You’ll regret everything you ever said