i planned my suicide last night
It gave me a sense of feeling alright
I planned to take my pills and let them take effect
I have like 500 or 600 of them last time I checked
No more having to lie when I say “I’m okay”
Because I planned my suicide to happen today

Rumor has it I’m addicted to drugs
Rumor has it I’m cold and give no *****
Rumor has it I can’t keep a man around
Rumor has it I don’t have both feet on the ground
Rumor has it I’ve been put away in jail for assault
Rumor has it I can twist the truth until nothing’s my fault
Rumor has it I used to be sweet and kind
Rumor has it he’s the reason I lost my mind

“I just, why does my mom hate me?” You asked
My heart has never shattered so fast
“All I do is upset everyone”
My sweet baby, you’ve never been so wrong
“I'm just ******* fat and lazy”
Honey don’t say that they are just ******* crazy
“She doesn't care about me... she never has”
I promise baby we’ll be together, at last,
The **** they say to you is wrong and endless
And being so far away makes me feel so helpless

There’s something I have not told many around me.
And something I rarely show and you'll probably never see
But something you really need to know to understand why I sometimes act weird or I am distant.  
And the reason I will ignore you in school unless you come to me and my energy is nonexistent.
I'm always in pain, I always have some sort of prescription painkillers with me.
They don’t remove everything but they help me to function to some degree.
To be completely honest, I don't know how my liver is working and I'm not dying.
I take my painkillers over maximum dosages and if I said I cared, I'd be lying.
I often spend my days in bed in pain and mostly you can't reach me
If you meet me in school I can bet I’m wearing one black bracelet on each wrist
I have them to soothe the sickness from the drug's side effects my doctor missed
I have tried to be strong and not let it take over who I used to be
But living is for me only bittersweet, I will never be free

I don't just Love music, It's the only reason I have survived
I eat, sleep and breathe music, It keeps me alive
If you ask me, there's like a 99% chance I'm listening to it
I'm even listening to music while writing this ****
If I have to choose between music and you
It was nice knowing you, my dude

When I was young I was scared of being in bed
The monsters below me, they wanted me dead
But as time went on and I got old
I realized the lies in the stories they told
So I am no longer scared of those under my bed
Because the scariest ones are the ones in my head

Am I looking for something I will never find?
Have the screaming in my head made me lose my mind?
I still ask myself how I could be so blind?
Why did I turn so bitter and quit being kind?