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Sleepz Jan 2014
A bit devious,
A bit of a killer,
A bit blood thirsty.
But that's all in the inside.
A bit rebellious,
A bit careless,
A bit aggressive.
But that's all in the inside.
A bit insensitive,
A bit angry,
A bit lonely.
If you want to know whats inside,
This is what you'll find.
A bit crazy,
A bit of a ******,
A bit possessive,
Maybe even a bit possessed.
But I don't give a ****,
Because that's all in the inside.
If you see through me this is what you'll find.
A bit of trust issues,
Runs in my head because of ******* from the past.
A bit of myself wishes I could come out.
The only funny part is most of you are just like me,
But most of you can't control it or wouldn't be able to.
The only funny part is you judge me in your own minds,
Because I show what you are afraid of inside yourself.
But I can control it.
The only funny part is,
You can't.
I'm a bit ****** up in the head,
I'm a bit upset with how things are, but do anyone of you see that?
No,
I can control it.
Most of you I can see right through,
Most of you I can see falling apart.
And I'll judge you the way you judged me.
By offering you a helping hand,
And holding back as soon as you're ready to reach for it.
I'm a bit mad, just like you.
Sleepz Dec 2013
To tell you the truth,
I dont think I love your smile as much as I used to,
It seems nothing but fake to me now.
And to tell you the truth,
I dont think I love your eyes as much as I used to,
Because I feel even they lie most of the time.
And to be totally honest with you,
I dont think youre as pretty as you used to,
After I saw what was inside.
I just dont find you the same,
I just can't see you the same way.

Ive tried and ive tried,
Believe me I have.
And believe me you still cross my mind;
Just not as much as you used to,
Its just not as much as you used to.
I dont get upset anymore,
I dont worry about love anymore,
I could be happy alone forever for all i care.
I could replace you with someone for all I care.
And to tell you the truth,
I have given up on you.

And to be totally honest,
I realize there are days I even forget you exist.
We were always honest with each other,
Except this time I'm not afraid to be.
To tell you the truth,
You did teach me one thing:
You don't need permission to read someone,
Sometimes they display themselves like a mirror that has another side to it,
You just need to peek in.
Sleepz Dec 2013
Lets play a game,
The one where we act like we know each other.
Let's play a game,
The one where I'll pretend to never hurt you.
Let's play a game,
Lets play a game.
People get used to pushing others away,
People get used to being on their own,
But it shouldnt be that way.
Let me understand you,
The way you understand me.
Let me show you a different game,
Let's call that game Life.
Let's play it together and cheat as much as we want,
Take off our masks,
And show the world what we really are.
Even if I'm ugly inside, and you are filled with happiness.
Even if I'm afraid of myself, show me that you aren't.
Show me a good future,
And I'll help you forget about the past.
Let's play this game,
Even though it wont last long,
Until the time comes where you have to come back home,
Back where youre alone trapped in your thoughts,
And you can't help but to be depressed.
You can't help but to wish you were dead.
Theres something missing here,
And you could use some fixing.
Let's play a game,
Where we could all pretend all these problems didnt even exist.
The one only me and you could understand.
Let's play a game,
Where you could escape and never come back.
Truth is I'll miss you,
Even though we pretended to know each other all along I fell in love with your disguise
But he thing is,
I know some truth about you,
I could see it in your eyes.
Let's play a game,
Where we dont need to act surprised
Where we dont try to hide,
It'd be impossible cause I'd always find you.
And when I do you'll have tears going down your eyes,
Its a side you never really let me see.
I remember you gave me the key to your heart,
But I still find myself knocking,
And you always answered the door.
Let's play a game,
Where I never saw you again.
Let's play a game,
Where all I really needed was your permission.
Let's play a game,
Before we ever have to go back to reality.
Let's play a a game.
Sleepz Dec 2013
Sometimes I sit here looking out my window forgetting to breathe,
with every single one of my teeth falling out on the floor.
I dont know what it's about, blood pourin' through my mouth like a water slide.
I have a headache don't talk to me,
I heard you lied and cheated on me;
why would you do such a thing i thought it was special between us but it's all gone now.
Pow pow, I feel myself hitting at my chest trying to catch my breath,
I remember back in the day when i used to play teather ball i was one of the little champions,
and now all i see is death coming for me like a rock slide falling on top of a car and smashing it so it rolls from side to side down a ******* ride to hell.
I know these words aren't really swell but this is how I felt the other day when i saw you ******* your best friend through the window.
Everytime i pass by one i sigh and take my shirt off look at my abs and feel like i worked em' out for nothing,
those thoughts make me mad so i wrapped my shirt around my fist and broke the window to pieces.
Can't you see what you do to me,
you make me to crazy,
i'm lazy every day but i guess this is how it is when you're depressed
you can't rest for **** and sometimes i even forget that i need to take a breath.
I forget to breathe when i think about people telling me their whole life story about me ******* up my life over something stupid.
I tell em that this has been the 50th conversation i've had with a low life person like you telling people how they should live their life.
I'm only 16 **** it,
I'll do something crazy and even though i'll regret it when i get introuble i'm trying to teach you
people a lesson.
I just wanna be alone can't you see i'm less of a person than everyone else,
less of a victim than everyone else,
less of a witness or a killer than everyone else.
I feel pain everywhere i go in my ribs,
i don't feel no air coming in through this window so i break another one,
except this one was with an open fist now i wish i didn't do that cause it's gonna get fat soon.
I feel like i'm in outerspace someone come and taze me in the neck so i can wake up,
i'm fed up with these stupid rules, these stupid schools that expect us to follow them
and these cops who enforce em'.
I'm sitting here in the hospital now don't know when i got here or who brought me here,
i fear that i'm still asleep,
but than again this all has to be a dream i can't be going insane because that would be a shame.
The doctor takes a look at me apparently i was up in a ledge of a window trying to commit suicide,
unfortanately it wasn't high enough so where the **** are my pills,
next time i'll remember to roll down a hill,
do whatever i want that's against your will.
I sit still because it hurts to breathe I'm missing something that had meaning to me and there goes a piece of my heart,
part of it is in heaven the other parts in hell now,
unhappy and dying trying to survive but can't.
God doesn't grant wishes he only punishes;
doctor won't you please wash my ******' dishes it's hard for me to trust anyone anymore now a days
that's the end of the race.
******* for making me feel this way,
and that's why i sit here forgetting to breathe with my teeth all over the floor,
don't open the door cause i wouldn't want anyone to see me like this.
Wrote this in August 2011 when i was 16 after a break up, as this point of my life i was very immature very heart broken.  I posted this because I am surprised at the way i dealt with my emotions back in the day in comparison to now.  I used to have very violent very dark thoughts, and i guess after practicing to understand my thoughts more i have become mentally stronger.  I used to have dreams where my "teeth would fall out", and i researched the meaning to those dreams and it is your mind telling you that you are afraid to lose control of something.  In this case it was the situation with this girl, and i did; i did end up losing control.
Sleepz Dec 2013
Sometimes i dream,
Whether its good or bad,
Theres always a part of a dream that we just can't see,
We wake up only remembering the good,
But what do my dreams mean to me?
You've heard them say "be careful what you wish for.",
Because that wish may one day come true.
But why should you be careful,
When all you wish is for happiness and smiles.
Instead theres people wishing their parents were dead,
Some people wish they had more friends.
And instead theres piles and piles,
Of dead in their graves.
The funny part is, some people don't even have the ability to be happy,
The people here lose their jobs and try to commit suicide.
I guess its true we need medication in order to be happy.
What about those who live in poorer countries and can't afford it?
Here they go and spend money to have you put away because you won't take your meds.
Because they want us all in the same state of mind.
You wish for world peace,
And believe me son,
One day your wish will come true.
But I will tell you one thing,
In order for someone to experience happiness, you need to be ready to sacrifice your own.
This is why we are "happy ".
Sleepz Dec 2013
Care for me is sacrafice, but how is it sacrifice ?
it is sacrifice because it is something you offer to people,
some people give it to few, others give it to many.
But everytime that happens, you are sacraficing something regardless.
To care for someone is to deny yourself,
(pay very close attention to this)**
To care for someone is to not expect anything back from them.
To care for someone isn't something you do to get something from them, some people just can't see when someone is caring for them
some people are blinder than others.
This is why some have glasses and some don't.
Who every said the heart and the mind don't need glasses also ?
If you care for someone, and you try showing that person that you care for them.  You are allowing them to take advantage of it,
you are allowing them to experience it.  Allowing them to take more from you, as much as they need as much as they want.
And the reason you care, or the reason you should care is because you are patient enough to do it.
Why is there people with good hearts? And people whose hearts have become cold ?
Sleepz Dec 2013
That time of day where your mind plays tricks on you,
It has you thinking you love a person when it just can't be,
Even as you go to sleep there is someone in mind,
But lately it has just been the same one,
And you go about your day wondering why you keep thinking of them.
From the time you wake up until the time you go to sleep,
You ask yourself and you ask yourself.
Go ahead and try to convince yourself that you no longer have feelings for them,
Convince yourself that by talking to them it will only make things worse for you,
And convince yourself that you are happy just the way things are.
As your heart starts to fall apart by the end of the day and your mind is weakened,
You're getting ready to pray,
As you're kneeling at the side of the bed you say in your head:
Why God, why is this person in my mind?
Take these thoughts away, make them all erase.
As it comes time to lay down in your bed.
You remind yourself how happy you were when you were with them,
And by the end of the day,
The memory of them helps you sleep in peace,
Then at the end of the day,
You realize you could have had a lot worse and tonight you know who will be in your mind.
At the end of the day. Sleep,
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