I’ve been having a horrible go of things

And I’m feeling kind of stuck

I’m 29, I feel loved

But I can’t seem to give a ****

That care that I had for all of you

Gone

That love I wanted to share

Unimportant

Just a cataclysmic moment in my mind

From the turning off of emotion

I’m held bound to nothing

I want nothing

But perhaps the light to be snuffed

We’re a stardust device
But mine seems to be broke
Confusion sets in
As I follow others who have woke
It almost happened I think
That moment when everything clicks
When we discover the answer
That life means  you exist
See, I’m almost there
Although “I” am getting in the way
Let’s drop this facade
Today, be apart of the day

Avoiding self deduction
Although I understand
I keep myself wrapped in repetition
Like swimming with tied hands
The chatter inflates ME
It’s difficult to calm it down
The roar of perception is deafening
When confusion’s the only sound
Idle am I
Dwelling just before
Where I can lose my ****
Or submit lotus on the floor
It’s overwhelming really
How close the two states are
Of wanting to make sense
And of wanting nothing more

Self control
Acknowledgment of a self
And the urge for its chaos to be extinguished
But in everything there is chaos
And the self doesn’t exist
Self control is a concept against nature
I’d bet my cookies on simple awareness
Be aware of all the cravings this self wants
And extinguish them instead
Don’t control anything
Flow

My grip of everything changes
I reposition my hands
Delving deeper into my mind
To collect what I can, with influence
I reset my perception
Altered now
The steady and swift encounter of thought
Our relationship is restyled
Urging for it to come and go in all of it’s abundance
Giving awareness a try