I'm waiting
for something, god knows what
maybe it's for love
maybe it's for acceptance
I'm just waiting
waiting for something
anything
to change me
to show me something different
I've been waiting for years
I'll be waiting until I find out what I'm waiting for

your words used to flood my brain
you were my everything
the first person I ever loved
I wish I could tell you that
I don't love you anymore
I don't spend my days thinking about you
but sometimes
the tiniest thing reminds me of you
and I wonder
if you even remember me
us
what we used to be
what we could never be

the words don't reach us here
we could stay in this moment forever
enjoying the silence
breathing each other's air
not talking
barely moving
loving each other endlessly
maybe that's really all we need
maybe that's all I want

i got used to the patterns of cracks in my ceiling
to the sound of the dripping faucet
to the dusty countertops
to the shrieking wooden stairs
to the mold in the bathroom
to my mom in the couch
to the alcohol in the cupboard
to the drugs hidden behind the coffee bean jar
to the secrets behind closed doors
to the pain that's hidden in here
a familiar house
a familiar feeling
I got used to my childhood

as the air flew trough the sky
and my mind wandered off
to a place I called home
a place I had never been before

your screams became quiet
and your eyes stopped cutting through my skin

and I flew
to a place I've always known
a forever
a safe
a home

a place you'll never be
a place I'll always be

you shone so bright
I saw sparkles in your eyes
like the stars in the sky that night

now all I you feel is pain
your eyes are left empty
I'm sorry I left that day