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winter Mar 2023
I am not a sweetheart,
my soul is dark and muddy
I'm tired of people seeing
a me that isn't me
I'm tired of making friends
who for years might love the show
never understanding,
nor do they wish to know.
winter Mar 2023
I know people with problems
that medication can't fix.
I know people who went to the doctor
and went to the doctor
and went to the doctor
and racked up their bills
and ****** up their minds
and came out of the office
worse.
I know people who spend half their lives
trying to undo the damage.
I know people who would wish to inscribe:
Medications can **** you,
even if it's prescribed.
winter Feb 2023
all i have are hard won lessons
but you dont believe in those
winter Feb 2023
glamour associated with parking garages
the fancy places they connect to
hotels and theatres and law firms downtown
stepping out in all black, always
winter Feb 2023
I've decided to start treating myself as a person and not just an entity. Behold the beholder of the planet, except perhaps I can be perceived, too.  This means I have to be more careful, in fact.
What is the line between safety and delusion?
Suddenly I am no longer able to expose my soul to the world, as if releasing my secrets into a dark void, an unfavorable algorithm.
I am, in fact, here.
I am, in fact, perceivable.
winter Feb 2023
I'm sorry to the mother of all mothers who gave birth to a totem,
small statue in a blanket whose stone is cold even under the cotton
stitched from her love
winter Feb 2023
strength
in the morning
every hour minute moment
when despair takes its hold and every
word thought sight reminds you
of everything you've lost but
despair is useless and
despair won't get you through
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