Can't get rid of the smell of smoke
And the wounds at my side won't calm down

I'm tired
I'm cold
What did I just take
You haven't replied to my texts in days
All I want is to be better for you
Why can't you just say something to my face

Nevermind

o god o let me find you
in this time where you are buried
so far beneath and
all I can hope to do is guard the soil
let me lay over the ice top
not to warm it from the outside
but to let my silhouette be present to you
you who are so far below
this premature hibernation
with no telling of when the ice will crack
and when the ice will break for you
you who are free on the inside
and I
trapped on the outside
I will be here the moment you return
I will be here every moment before then
If only to be a reassurance to you
beneath my feet like an earthquake that I know someday is bound to happen
even if there really is no telling
I know you are there and
I know that you will find me too

My fifth grade self got down on her knees
In the center of her childhood bedroom
Held a steak knife to her stomach
Juliet-style
Because that was the only way she, (at that time of her life), knew how to do it
Other than jumping off a London Bridge into some clamoring river
But she couldn't figure a way to get to London
And was more afraid of heights than she was of death

The empty square where the app had been
I used it only to speak to you
so now the lot is vacant
It is a new level of disconnect
a notion I can't help to feel
that I am repeating
I can't stand the silence