Everything that comes out
it is manipulative
it is lonely
I can't force the connection

Hyperfixations
Why does everything I write
Need to be coded
I realize that everything I say
Is equally so
I feel less alone
When I can say it aloud
Even if it's only underlying

It's starting to get to me
Starting to eat and dig at me
Starting to furrow

Grey shore
Stretched over the horizon
Where i am the only one
Above the surface
I am fated to dive
Fated to sink
Purposefully
Alone
The debris of my body
I only hope
Life may emerge from it

god you're so pretty
god you're so pretty
god you are lovely
I want to hold your waist
I want to feel your hands
I want to feel your words
As you speak to me
in the flesh
I want to secure you
in the flesh
With my affection,
infiltrate you

The glow reaches out to me
For the first time
Wraps its hands around my chest
And firmly grasps the heart
It stares me dead
Swells and dries my eyes
And leaves a frightened yowl
Right into my center
Right into my core
I am riveted
And suddenly aware of the hollow
I can grasp it myself now
I am grasping the glow

A new kind of loneliness
That is all too familiar
The first kind,
The last kind
Behind the glow
Unspoken to
They don't believe in my self