When bad decisions question your
better judgement,
then sneaks around you
when you turn away.
As like whats the worse that
could happen,
or ******* a mid-aged ******.

But how to rebel against myself
without making it obvious
I left the front door cracked
the night before.

Inhaling deadly chemicals as a death wish,
or maybe it's just a deadly addiction.
Begging for attention or
simply a way out.
Aspiring for life, but lifelessly haunting pathways,
not knowing if we're living rightfully
or just following along with the ones
that said we're saying it wrong.

Waiting for the sunrise after a long night,
not knowing when I'll see light.
Thankfully my mind hasn't been overcome
by lonely thoughts at midnight
giving me some sleep until the morning.
Where the day refreshes and yesterday becomes
another day I slept through.

Stop me when it becomes too much.
I didn't mean to hurt you,
only myself.
You didn't deserve this,
but now I deserve the worse.
It all comes down to this..
eventually.
I didn't want to push you away,
but I'm better alone, it's easier not to feel.

But you gave up trying to reach me,
and I gave up trying to find myself to respond.
I guess this is what you wanted,
this is what you'd pleased.

We spend our lives running after everyone we know,
until we get to tired to run anymore.
Everyone seems to know me,
but no one sees me slowly slip out of their lives.

Clear your eyes,
the time has come.
For a realization,
for a better life.
Without me,
the girl running from everyone,
including herself.

I'm sorry I pushed you away.
Better now than later.

How come no one sees what needs to be seen,
or hear what needs to be heard,
or does what needs to be done.

Don't you see those kids laughing in the halls?
Don't you see them trip me when I walk?
Someone please tell me you see me when I hide
in the bathroom stalls, tell me you see when the tears began to fall.

Can't you hear them talk?
All the rumors seem to follow me,
all the lies are so very haunting.
Why can't you hear me crying for help through my silence?

I don't care about my future,
I don't care about my scars,
who cares what they say?
That shouldn't matter at all.
Please tell me why you seek the truth in everyone other than me?
How come you assume the worse when it comes to me?
Can't you learn to care, or listen, or see?
Is this my imagination or are you really this selfish?

I can't say that I need you, because I don't.
I just need to know why you run after money instead of truth,
instead of safety.
This suicides in your hands,
I hope you see this.
I hope you hear this.
And I sure the hell hope you feel this too.

Do you ever miss me?
Do you ever miss what we could've had?
My love, the question isn't simply did you ever love me, it's do you remember what it felt like to love me.
I do.
I remember spilling feelings like spilling tea.
Not because I wanted to, but because I couldn't look you in the eyes and even try to lie.
I remember every second like it was my last moment. Every flash of the camera was like the blinking of the eyes I laid on you.
I laid next to you..
It was cold but my heart finally felt warm..
My heartbeat was like the fast typing on the keyboard rushing to text you.
I love you.
Not the words that come from my mind very often. But your personality pulled those words out as if you had a rope. The same rope I stared at the night we met. The rope you grabbed with a simple hello.
I remember sleep, not the sleep you think, but the sleep I intended to be with you. It wasnt my fault when the ocean grabbed my heart.. We fell apart like an earthquake.
I felt myself standing in a storm of never-ending tears. I wish I could've stopped it. The plants I inhaled felt like your touch.
I rolled your memory into a blunt and smoked it 'till I saw you again.
I want to be with you.
Unlike night changing to day,
My feelings are yet to change.
This storm is still cloudy.
This keyboard is still waiting for your notification.
My love,
The question still remains...
will you ever love me again?