When bad decisions question your
better judgement,
then sneaks around you
when you turn away.
As like whats the worse that
could happen,
or ******* a mid-aged ******.

But how to rebel against myself
without making it obvious
I left the front door cracked
the night before.

Inhaling deadly chemicals as a death wish,
or maybe it's just a deadly addiction.
Begging for attention or
simply a way out.
Aspiring for life, but lifelessly haunting pathways,
not knowing if we're living rightfully
or just following along with the ones
that said we're saying it wrong.

Waiting for the sunrise after a long night,
not knowing when I'll see light.
Thankfully my mind hasn't been overcome
by lonely thoughts at midnight
giving me some sleep until the morning.
Where the day refreshes and yesterday becomes
another day I slept through.

Stop me when it becomes too much.
I didn't mean to hurt you,
only myself.
You didn't deserve this,
but now I deserve the worse.
It all comes down to this..
eventually.
I didn't want to push you away,
but I'm better alone, it's easier not to feel.

But you gave up trying to reach me,
and I gave up trying to find myself to respond.
I guess this is what you wanted,
this is what you'd pleased.

We spend our lives running after everyone we know,
until we get to tired to run anymore.
Everyone seems to know me,
but no one sees me slowly slip out of their lives.

Clear your eyes,
the time has come.
For a realization,
for a better life.
Without me,
the girl running from everyone,
including herself.

I'm sorry I pushed you away.
Better now than later.