"He was an all right kind of guy.
He said what was on his mind.
Often times it was simple hyperbole
But I understood him well enough.

He seemed to always be in love.
I am just not sure he understood it.
I loved him a lot and he loved me.
He could think of a million reason not to
but he also loved the misery in his life.
He often looked at it as an opportunity to be strong.
He once told me,
'Dad, God wants be to be the strongest thing on the planet'
He was happy a lot, but he seemed to truly shine when
He got to make another just as happy.
I love my son."
~My Dad.

Give me my pain meds hand me that book.
The cure for a sad reality is at times another's shoes.
Dancing to the same rhythm just another person's moves.
Oscar said to influence is to stifle your own glow.
I liked those words when I read them but I changed.
I am not as original as that Wilde man.
I am a mosaic of every single person I've ever met.

Sitting at the bar talking about poetry.
Talking about the girl I want to look at me.
Hold up my hands as if those thoughts were fire
Burning me from the inside out, just had to get it all out.

"I met her for the one night, and I've been writing about her ever since"
Then she looked at me and just said "Wow".
I wanted to smile but I felt just *****.
These are my true feelings and I don't want share them with you.

Hold up the time for me I can't see it through this mask.
My head hangs low and stitches are bleeding.
I want to fall in love with this girl, so I write and hope she'll read it one day.
Now I am alone, high as ****, totally drunk on that idea.

I do not remember where we were.
I can not fathom why you said it.
I do not recall if I was crying.

But I do know that you were drunk.
And I know that these words shaped my life.
From the moments they left your lips
To this moment and beyond.

"Son, complaining only makes you look like a *****"

I never complain even when I can barely stand.
My tongue remains stilled.

Weakness is not something a man possesses.
The world has enough boys.

Today I woke up with a dream in mind, "To wander".
Throw away the map and dance to the beat of the clouds.
Chase the sunset till that ocean is far behind you.
Hold in your heart only the far away till we reach it.
Scatter pieces of my soul in places I'll never return.
Touch the abyss and smile at loneliness.
I'm going to run til this gas pedal gives way.
I'm going to run til this heart becomes whole.

You coward with your false pride.
Choosing words to hurt and smiling smugly.
It is not brave to try to fight who you call a friend.
It is not wise to divide the room with "you idiot".
Drunk minds quickly breed hardened fists.
I love you brother
but you can't pick a fight with some brawlers.
The night didn't call me last night
Her whisper fell silent and cold.

I am alone once more.

A lonely man gone mad in the space between thoughts.
Chasing a friend that only exists when I stop looking.
I want a friend, I want to speak my heart to a person.
Fingers can dance on the board of keys but I want a hug.

I find myself simultaneously imploding and exploding.
I look up at the vastly small universe and feel hugged.
I see more than I can never know, I see myself looking back.
Cars flash by, they don't see me I am invisible at 60mph.

The eyes of the nights aren't just black but fields of deep blue.
I look at the moon and imagine you're out there.
I pray I cross your mind every once in a while.
Just so I am not so pathetic for thinking of you every night.

I am alone just waiting on you

My face is full of forgiveness but this heart aches for pain.

This hand is wilted from making fists, of holding nothing’s hand.

This wrinkle on my face is a scar left by the days without you.

Can’t you just wake up your heart and notice me,

I’m standing here waiting for you.

There is a beast in every man.
There is a beast barring its fangs.
In the heart of every man there is a darkness.
Black is the song played to the brokenhearted.

Dancing on the graves of smiles stands him.
The masked man playing at the hero.
Dynamic is your dream, static is your calling.
I'd toy with you longer but you're such a boring character.

Black is a piece of the heart I could let engulf the rest.
Days I spend happy and alone or happy with friends.
I just can't shake the beast that is in me.
Hours at a time she rises and howls emptiness at me.

and I feel it..

The joy that would come from the pain of this masked man.
My knuckles craves his throat, my gaze calls for his blood.
An almighty pleasure that could be achieved in seconds.
A pain that would echo through the rest of my life.

So easy it would be to cause hurt so hard it is to feel love.

She gave me goosebumps with a piece of a sentence.
I could dance just to the thought of being near her.
Her silence is more beautiful than any words.
I want to hold that gaze for any number of moments.

The flowers I bought her have gone and wilted away.
The flower she bloomed in my heart grows each day.
I want to say this is a crush and just write it away
But more than that I want that to not be so.

I dream of holding her hand, and the sound of her voice.
Saying her name makes me feel a sense of pulchritude.
The veil of whatever this is I want to tear down and press her lips to mine.

"Be brave to allow yourself hope"
What I think when she flutters across my mind.

Dear Brother,

     I was the person you looked up to and the person you strove to surpass. I long for those days, you following me around and trying to do the things I could. Soon we realized our paths were different. I was destined for something mediocre and you were born for greatness. You and your goofy smile and lisp always made me laugh. I remember when we would fight each other. It was never fair for you, I had over a hundred pounds on you and yet you always stood your ground. I hope that you always keep that insane courage.
         I would become a thing of violence and you would be away in your own world. I knew you would become a runner so I forced my way onto that path just so you could follow me a little longer. So we could be big brother and little brother awhile longer. I would run and I would hate it, my hulking body would scream with all the wasted motion. And you little brother, you would glide as if you meant to flow across this prairie as smooth as water. Out of desperation I pushed myself and kept my head above you for as long as I could. and just a few months ago you surpassed me. I would run 5 miles and you would run 7 as if it were nothing. I remember that day we raced and most of all I remember your cocky smile. I acted angry...because that's what I'd do. But know that that was probably one of my proudest moments.
          Now little brother just know that it is me chasing you, and now that I am happy to say that the little boy who wanted to be me has become my rival. I wanted you to be great so now I am going to push you until you want to scream and give up, then I am going to push you some more. You're my brother so I know you can take it.


                                                              ­                                                                 ­                  I love you.

Every night I look up and pray a little lie.
As if he would believe me when I don't even.
I'm just going to say these words until they're true.
"I don't hate her"
I'm going to say these words til they're the truth.

I don't even care anymore.
And here I thought our love would last forever.
A year later and I forget the sound of your name.
I don't like that I lied to you and hate that I lied to me.
Young and in love seems a lot like lonely and drunk.

Perfection is overrated
and I love broken things.
The color of glass
and shattered dreams.

The days can blend into one, I wouldn't notice.
Lack of ambition, a certain kind of content.
The drum dances silent just waiting for nothing.
Dull grows the flames that burn for an empty tomorrow.
Give me the pain of nothingness because I'm used to it.
My heart is growing cold just waiting for nothing.
Can't give up but too alone to give a ****.
What do I search for?  But for some lost thing I never had.
I know what I want...not this.

I want to see if these are lies.
I want to hold these broken promises.
This day is wasted just not knowing.
Time waits for no man but we're two lost children.
Dressed like a clown and still wearing the crown.
Set fire to your lies and we'll never go cold.
I'm gone until you're not.
Dancing in the dark.
Lock the doors this is too much fun.
Just let me die not knowing.
Ignorance is bliss, and my heart is blistered from the "truth".

I see her every day, and she always makes me smile.
I lost minutes just watching her glide.
She smiles and her laugh dances through the room.
Her voice sounds as if an angel is speaking only to you.
My heart drops from the sky when she leaves.
I sometimes just imagine that smile and that beautiful attitude.
It's closer to one o' clock now then I thought
I the lost day and I still don't know your name.
It's you that scares me
I look your way and fear holds my tongue at bay.
I'm not even brave enough to ask you your name.
You're like the girl of my dreams...

                                                               ­                                                     







    ­                                                                 ­                                       ...I just don't want to ruin you.

It is not the sound of sunsets smashing every night.
They die over and over for that makes them amazing.
A story that is not done is not yours to tell.
Ride with me, take my love and crash like thunder.

You're only reckless until you're wise.
The day ends so the night may begin.
What we'll do with this God only knows.
What we'll do with this only God can forgive.

Can't I just lay down and drift away
Why must my hand yearn for another
This warmth of my heart craves more.
I want her next to me....But I want to be alone.

Pacing pacing shifting left and right in a flurry.
Run to the bath to dry heave, which does nothing.
Lop it off and hide it away with a smirk.
Calmly walk up the steps and toward him.

We touch and the rush feels me but not us.  
You've been here before oh so many times.
Open up with a straight right to your face.
You dance away and hint at a smile.
You think that's all I've got.

This is our first go and I want to make you remember.
I eat fist after fist fear of the knockout lessens but doesn't go away.
Your fists don't hold the strength to maim.
Your heart holds a fear in it tightly, and then you hesitate.

My steps toward you leaves the fear in your heart and spreads to your face.
I saw lighting from one but not again,you realize this.
Three left hooks to my head I trade for one to your gut.
You know I mean to hurt and you slow down.
Not stopping but thinking just enough to **** your reflexes.

You found yourself in the corner and saw me smile.
You block the overhand left and squirm away.

The bell rings

I drop my hands and can't pick them up.
Completely exhausted, I find a nice little bliss.
I get out of the ring and just hope I helped you a little bit.
I am not the prodigy it is you with the speed and endurance.
Now show the world we're not people to mess with.

There is a fire inside of me.
There is a fire and oh it screams.
It tells me move and to never stop.
My love has gone soft and my heart grown wild.
Dead are the eyes that gaze on this world.
What is beyond it is what they yearn for.
What is the unknown has become my kingdom.
In the daylight of worry I have found my feet.
If I weren't to move how would you follow?
Hard has grown the fire, but still she burns.
Still she calls for it with one word, "More".

Let's shake up this whole state and just wait.
Let's hold each other's hands not our tongues.
Let's dance like fools, so alone but together.
Let's do those illegal things we do so well.
Let's play in the snow and dream of Winterfell.
Let's sing along to songs and mumble the parts we forget.
Let's drive around the town with no where to go.
Let's play with the rocks in the river.
Let's write ****** little poems about one another.


Maybe this is just me but I think that sounds fun.

Sometimes I just sit and wonder what you're doing.
Then I stop and go back to thinking about normal things.
Time to replace reality with some dope little beats.
Grasping for sanity far away in worlds ticking and tocking.
With a smile in my pocket and the sand still on my face.
Let me stand here looking **** with all my disappointments.
Deleting all the lies from my phone turned it into a clock.
Come on tell me something real so I can dream with a smile on this face.

Give me a lie I'll hold it close.
A lovely fib is better than silence.
But then again I did wake up this morning.
My poetry became English's drunk Uncle.
Perverse as a God being born from Facebook.
North Dakota man without a sense of Wintermas.
Lights made the eyes so black and hollow.

I dropped my ID in the gutter.
Stuck in the gray for another day.
Stammering for shattered syllables.
Slowly it all happened in a blur.

Woke up tired still mixing words.
Days turned into fits of sobriety.
Till the darkness rises and takes the sky.
Another night trying to forget her..

           ..The girl with eyes as deep as the sky.

God cried and looked almost human
Soft pain was felt by those who felt those whimpers.
A thousand lifetimes burned away waiting.
Life moved on and so did the rain.
Warm sand never changed but by the waves.
God died and felt almost human.

They used to tell me I wasn't native because I knew my dad.
They used to call me ****** because I did my homework.
They used to beat me up when they got bad haircuts.
They used call me ***** because my skin is brown.

I always thought this kind of stuff was pretty sad.
Like a joke with no punchline it just hung in the air.
When adulthood came they turned and forgot.
Now I play with Lego's to remember playing alone.
Just dancing along to the same old empty song.

Raise your head up above those clouds.
Wash away these broken smiles.
Dancing on yesterday's graves.
This new-born sin sings unsubtley.

I don't even know where I've been.
I love that I don't know her.
I know that I don't love her.
I know where I am but I know nothing.

This body holds in it only the strength of being weak.
This mind holds in it only the will power from Self-Doubt.
This face holds in it only the beauty of never being beautiful.
This mouth holds in it only the words made entirely of silence.
This heart holds in it only the pain of being full of love.

Can you look at me and just see me for what I am?
I was lost in the struggle for my own identity.
Now I am lost in the struggle for who I will become.
When I am gone without a sail, there is one constant.
In this abyss called me, I always know that I adore you.
When everything is cast in doubt, I know I want to make you smile.
When fear grabs me deep, it is your hand I want to hold.
Your laugh is the light that shatters my pain.
Now please raise me up one last time, and let us meet.

This sordid little life slowly etching away.
Days pass only to mark moments leaving.
Waiting for a real life to begin or end?
I'm right here.
This mind doesn't take me anywhere anymore.
These leafs made of hope fall from me.
Death at my feet with darkness rising.

There's a chasm in me that goes, "Thump thump thump"
I've outgrown the pain of my broken heart.
Selfishly I look at the happy memories and smile.
Laying on the ground, raising my hands to hold the sky.

These empty rooms seem so crowded when I close my eyes.
I'm standing on a pool of rock shouting whispers at nowhere.
I want to say I raised my head, but all I do is close my eyes.
Every day I am growing closer the age I'll be when I die.

The fluorescent light flickered
Dancing the line of Life and Death.
Never resting and never moving.
The room filled with a hollow light.

The dreamer sat thinking of being awake.
Nights were filled with vain little ideas.
In the light, memories of the future became real
In the shadow of the sun this dreamer danced.

I kept you like bottle of whiskey in my pocket.
The world knew nothing of your existence.
People I shared you with were overly nice.
Taking quite sips, too afraid to be consumed.

Now you're broken and running out.
I slipped, now the world thinks I ****** my pants.
"Leave me alone now. I have nothing for you"
I'm not lowering my head in sadness I am hiding this smirk.

When you look up at the night sky imagine something for me.
Imagine that in a past life you were a star burning.
That billions of years ago you lived.
You lived and shined so bright you light up the night today.
Imagine you smiled long ago now you're smiling back.
I want you to imagine this so you can understand
why I don't need to look up to lose my breath.

Let me spill these from my mouth to the empty page.
Run my fingers through the prose and feel the warmth.
Creating worlds in this unforgiving land of peace.
Your shackle made of freedom has me choking on air.

If I could make you smile, I'd be happy.
The world needs not one more sad beautiful face.
You bring a light that I should like to shine.
Give me your sad and I'll take it kindly.

Your loneliness I know what to do with it.
Fear nothing, this back of mine shall be your shield
I'll champion your hand for all the nights turn black.
Smoke couldn't even touch you on my watch.

This flower might be the world if you'd lower those walls.
I like that which makes me happy, So give me that smirk.
You don't show it because the Sun doesn't like being upstaged.
I'll chase that insecure ******* straight out a the sky for you.

Please don't stifled that beautifully gargantuan flame.
If you had to give "Elegance" a name I'd call it you.
Never wrong when you say that the time is "a second before the next"
You're good for only one thing; Simply Everything.

Give me your failures and I'll show you my heart
Give me your shame and I'll tell you of life.
Give me your pain and I'll take it and hide it from you
Give me your hand and I'll give you my own.
Give me your heart and I'll show you the world.
Give me a chance and I'll take it.

Inside me lay only smoke and ash.
Hollow and full of ***** words.
The outside isn't as pretty.
A stumbling man reaching rock bottom.
It wasn't so gradual a fall as it is now.
I fell hard, but continued walking.
Trudging onward and downward.
Step over step conceding all your hope.
The bottom isn't black and dark,
it's full of hope,
people dreaming of going back up.
and people hoping this day is their last.
Here I am standing in a puddle of pride,
just knowing "I'm still alive"

The woman I marry is gonna be so ****** up.
She's going to want to take walks on the beach.
She'll drown my Cheerios in milk every day.
She'll watch all these Serial Killer Documentaries
She and I will will hold hands as we drift to sleep.
We'll be Sid and Nancy on Halloween, her and me.  
We'll have a pet turtle named Van Gogh.
I mean she is so ****** up...

Why else would she marry me.

I remember looking at a bewildering little flower.
Just off the sidewalk it gently danced in the breeze.
I stood totally engrossed in this strange little being.
God wanted me to see this, to bask in its bewitching allure.
I watched it for a few more minutes in serenity.
As I readied to leave, I look to make sure no one could see.
I kicked the flower from its home,
I watched as it danced one last melancholic tune.
Fluttering to the earth it truly looked as if it were dying.
It landed with a plump sort of umph.
I felt a tear trickled out and make its way down.
I stared at the corpse of the dancing plant.
The words that came out of my mouth were selfish.
"You touched my soul, If I let you touch another I'd die.
I ended you so those moments would be fleeting and mean so much more. "
After I said her eulogy I walked away,
Tears were shed but I never looked back.

Still broken down and reeling.
I saw her in crowded room.
She made me nervous,
till I caught my breath.

Every love poem in the past year,
owe a special kind of thanks to her,
To the one of unmatched beauty.
Sultry eyed with a cute gleam of a smile.

She complimented me, then said I was "intimidating".
Honestly that honesty surprised me.
I am me, Mr. Nice-Guy finishing last.
being five nine and a half never inspired fear before.

Drunk at a party, I wouldn't hit on her.
So many people do that with their liquid courage.
That would be an insult to her.
So I did the hardest thing to do, Nothing.

This isn't poetry, this isn't a love story.
This is a tragedy that burns rather slowly.
Though as I wait, I hope that to be a lie.

Some one told me I am a "Love Poet".
That what I write about greatly is that emotion.
I remember looking at him and saying,
"I write about the magic of sad little tragedies".
I don't write, I strip away the world and leave the words.

Something vexing about these people who "Know" me.
They look at me as if I were a wounded beast.
Pained by heartache and full of anger.
Truthfully, all I am is waiting.

Phrases come to mind when I think out loud.
My mother fears that all I do is talk to myself.
She doesn't believe when I say, "I am making a poem".

I guess I replaced my frilly phrases for honesty,
This... is this still poetry?

Maybe I've fallen too far in my own mind.

I went to jail once,
I learned a lonely kind of pain.
Staring at a wall, utterly helpless.
Got out and
fell asleep on my best friend's couch.
Spent the next day pretty Ok.

I don't remember that night,
the night 5 guys jumped me.
I don't know what I said.
No one told me why they did it.
I remember crying and smelling like blood.
I remember EMT's looking at me.
I was watching a different life from behind my eyes.

I spent that next day laying by the lake.
No phone and no ride home.
a black eye in place of memories.
Everything hurt,
Falling asleep in the back of that truck.

Next day, I woke up a little better.
I drove the six hours home.
Bought my own birthday cake.
Told my mom,
"I got too reckless at boxing practice".
I pray she believed me.

This was my lost weekend.

Drunk driving in bumper cars
Singing sad songs worth singing.
Standing straight in a blurry world.
Making poetry in the snow with bare feet.
Wide awake turns to talking in your sleep.
Eyes turn to worn out streets.
I'm Bob Dylan with this broken cigarette.
Tomorrow morning is thunder with no regrets.

They told me to be subtle, so I left.
Drug my feet, stumbling down the street.
Raised a glass to the stars for a wonderful night.
Woke up drunk on the train tracks.
Walking east, chasing the only star in the sky.
Fell asleep in the comfort of a stranger's house.
Don't remember how, but left before they found me.
Woke up with the adventures of last night chasing me.
Crawled more than I walked, heading to a friends.
Rung the bell, fell asleep in the cold light of midday.
I took a rest, looked back and remembered nothing.

If I held my heart on a string, I'd sink to the bottom of the sea.
The closest I'll come to heaven is thinking of letting go.

I can't help the moments where I felt like I was alive.
They drift away in the sad brightness of yesterday.

My heart looks like lightning that never lets go.
My face carries the rain like the soil for dried up tears.

The future is burning every second and becoming the ash of yesterday.
I'm going to lay in this pile of ***** smoke until I drown.

We were friends before we even spoke.
Locking ideas across the ocean.
Following one another from prairie to desert.
Fingertips opening different kinds of words.
Completely different sides of the world.
Same hometown, same wild heart.
Both trying to change the world with broken words.
She is my friend and I don't even know her name.
She is not like me, so I'll praise her.

She spoke the most beautiful silence
Said so much,
you'd hadn't known she had not said a word.
And that smile,
Made you forget how to take a breathe.
Every time you'd meet again,
Beauty would enter your world, and you'd be reborn.

It was all but impossible to be anything but in love.