a blank whisper in the dark
smooth finger tips
no face to recall
that's where you are now
a place where I can barely remember your touch
a place where your face no longer exists
your image fell into an abyss with everything I suppress
your love shattered long ago
that's where you are
my heart was never yours to have
my body was never yours to touch
our kisses simply stolen but the thought of being thieves aroused us
but that was so long ago
I've forgotten your taste
your scent
but I have not forgotten you

the storm has just broken
leaving my clothes drenched in your  
words
the material molding to my skin
it's cold
I can feel it in my tendons and muscles
I am walking mechanically attempting to warm the new set permafrost that has weakened my joints
sadly you were as pristine as the crystal waters of my favorite beach
you were the sea and the horizon
your voice bold crashing waves
your heart the soft foam that caressed each grain of sand
but oh how quickly did the waters warm and churn
this time I wasn't sheltered in the eye of the storm
but thrown into the unforgiving brine
the stinging in my eyes
the rawness in my throat wasn't enough for you
you wanted me to drown in your afflictions and now I'm frozen
stuck in the chilling aftermath
frozen in shock by the coldness of your heart...no longer inviting
no longer warming to my soul

what is it good for?
where does it come from?
where does it go?
Love...a contagion that I'd rather not have sewn into my heart
it's an addiction
it's a carcinogen
I can feel the ****** opening my eyes
Love...pop the stitches
cut out the patch that has nestled in my sleeve
don't leave it be
expel this horrid feeling from my body
I don't want to be sick
I don't want to die with love inside of me
Love...a silent enigma working behind the curtain of a man
with cappuccino skin and gravity defying curls
vile is this feeling
bile starts to rise again and again
I don't
I can't
I won't
I shouldn't
but I will Love
and I will stumble in and be thrown out of Love
Love...let me rest
let me sleep
let me not dream of him
stuff the nightmares back in
I don't
I can't
I won't
not again

I trust a stranger with my body more than I trust myself
sometimes the scars tell the tale before I do
I seem to add on to my scrapbook of     suppressed depression
it's a villainy I choose to repeat
the damsel and Malificent wrapped in tinsel and a bow
I struggle to live
I find it hard to breath
wheezing every hour with a crutch under both arms
I wish to believe I am greater than this
greater than the x formation on my left breast
greater than the ghosts of lacerations on my pale thighs
translucent pupils resting in my eyes
why do I continue to lie? I haven't found myself. I haven't changed.
I have not.
Have I?