You always talk to me
but it's become different
or am I overthinking ?

You always talk to me in the mornings
but recently you've become distance
only having dry responses  
but with other friends you look so happy

I stand next to you all the time
alone with my thoughts
you talking and being happy with others
why do you look upset when you're with me

Am I the problem?
do I make you feel that way?

I remember the day we started filming
the days it was just you and me
filming every second of our life together
only our world to enjoy

But then you betrayed me
you left me
for someone else
you now film your time with her  

Now I watch the moments we filmed
the film that was once ours
the moments that were once my everything

Now I cry to what was once our love film

You told me you didn't like girls
I believe you
I really do

Your friends know  
but me

But I don't know who to believe anymore,
today in class your friend said something
something that made me feel things again

"my friend thinks you're cute"
I didn't even look up at you
neither did I want to

I want to believe he was joking
but you didn't say anything about it
and that made me feel
feel things

his words and your actions
brought back feelings
that i've wanted to get rid of

I arrived at school today
waiting for you
to arrive

I wanted to see you
talk to you

You told me to wait for you
I waited not caring
about anything

Not even about the black clouds
not even about the water drops
I felt them but didn't care

I stood under the rain
getting soaked
very soaked

I waited until I got fully wet
all for nothing
you didn't arrive

It's the school dance soon
and girls have been asked out
with big posters and presents

You asked me with a poster
it said "will you be the partner to my dance"
you gave me flowers and lots of treats

We picked our clothes
we arrived together
we danced together

I wished for it
but it didn't happen
it was fake

It was just my imagination
A dream I've dreamed of
all my life

A bouquet is unique
with different flowers
and it has meaning

Every girl has gotten one
no matter the occasion
I always see girls with them

I hate the fact I've never received one
the way no one notices me
I hate the way they brag about getting one

I hate it how everyone gets one
and I don't even get a single flower
or maybe it's the fact i'm jealous of them?

One day I will be gone
not gone like leave or move away
I mean I will die someday

I know it will happen someday
it happens to everyone
and one day it will happen to me
and when that happens
don't cry

I don't want you to cry
I know that if i die before you and not with you
will be because I committed;  
no matter how sad you feel don't cry
because I will always be there with you

I will leave you a note of everything I was thinking before I died
remembering what I use to tell you  
written at the end
"I love the stars when I die I want to become one, if I ever die before you I want you to always look at them and see me in one."

I've never felt loved before
maybe that's why I fall easily

Every sign of affection or attention you give to me
it doesn't matter if it's just a tiny bit
it makes something in me feel things

It's something I can't help
it's something that has become like a disease
I cant get rid of it even if I want to

I just want this feeling to go away
I want to be loved
I want to be loved so I can stop feeling this way

I feel guilty
I feel like I'm desperate
I cant help it

I am a lover girl
I cant change anything about it
but I can do something about it

I'm going to hide that part of me
and pretend it doesn't exist
and pretend to not feel

it's not something I want but I think it's the best
I feel like I'm desperate for love
every time someone shows me affection

That's why I'm going to stop feeling love or at least try
and hopefully I won't just fall for anyone
who gives me attention or affection

I loved him and now I don't
It's not because I feel disgusted

It's because I accept it
and I don't regret a thing

I sent you a letter
the one you read

Later you sent me a message
and told me the truth

you don't like girls
it's fine I said

I was disappointed at first
But then I accepted the feeling

I support you
no matter what

You're the reason I pick my pen up
the reason I write

I write this because I'm scared
scared of being rejected
afraid you wont like me

I can't tell you how I've developed
developed to love you
to like you

If I tell you
will you love me back?

I love you
and I want it to show

I've had friends
not loyal friends

some leave just like they way we met
some stay longer

new friends stay longer that my old friends
but that doesn't matter
because they don't last

I want new friends
new and loyal friends

I'm a romantic
I cant help myself

I write you love letters
Every time I think of you
I think about you and my errors

about a hundred letters for you
all handwritten
but you probably don't feel the same way

I want to tell you I still like you
but I'm scared of this again
I don't want you to think I'm desperate for you

so all I can do is watch from far
and hide my feelings for you

but I want to tell you
without backing out this time

I'm in love with you
I cant help but feel this way again

You're the one I don't wanna lose
nothing gets me scared
its something I often choose

I love you with everything
I don't wanna see you leave
I'm scared of everything

I just wanna be with you
I just wanna stay with you
I just wanna live and die with you

why?
why when I look in the mirror
I want to cry

how?
how do I help other when they are low
when I want to die

what?
what have I done to feel this
I'm too young

I want to sew my mouth shut
And
Never open it

Do you hear me?
or am I the only one

Do you hear me?
calling you out

She's dying inside
She wants to think it's a lie

She's in the rain

You wanna hurt yourself, I'll stay with you
You wanna make yourself go through the pain
It's better to be held than holding on

I never believed in love,
but you changed that

every time you talked,
it was me you talked about

you made me your world,
yours to be

your words,
were my weakness

you made me love who I was
made me realize
your everything I wanted

"Your gaining weight stop eating"
It's funny

"Your fat"
I'm hilarious

"Your face is ugly"
I'm laughing so hard

"You have a big nose"
I'm just kidding

"Go **** yourself"
Your so dramatic can't even play along

You say it's a joke
You think it is
But your wrong

I cry to myself because of these "jokes"
I stopped eating like I always did
I hate the way I look now
And now I think about ending it

This spring was not the best
Neither was it the worst
It was not even amazing

Spring was always my favorite
And it always will be
No matter how bad it is

I just needed someone to save me,
The memories where killing me
I needed to be saved

I was hurting when you told me I didn't love you,
when you told me if it was fun,
When you told me it was my fault.

I broke down the moment you told me it,
Told me "thanks for nothing"
I cried I actually did
But it doesn't matter anymore

Because spring is beautiful no matter what happens,
I'm over it,
I'm done with being guilty.

I loved you
I really did
I actually loved you

I  actually though
That for once we could make it work
How stupid if you ask me

I tried to explain, to tell you
Why
Why we couldn't continue

But you didn't listen,
You didn't let me explain
In the end it turned into something stupid

You weren't my first,
Neither where you my last.
Yet you still had an impact

You showed me men lie,
That men don't listen
They only do when they want

In the end I'm over it
I use to regret it
But now I'm glad it finished.

They were always there
but no one ever cares
They are not even aware

But you made me aware
you were willing to share

It was your favorite flower
and it turned into ours to empower
our favorite flower

But then you left me
stopped once to see
to remember when we were free

and when spring comes and the tulips bloom
it reminds me of you

and I'll be there for you
if you want to come back home too

I saw how you looked at them
like if they are your gem
but she's not even your stem

You tell her the same things
but that's how you play your strings
that's how they fall for your sling

There's nothing special about her
or any other girl you were with,
but in the end its who you were

And you still make her believe shes special
but you're just waiting for her to nestle.

Now that you remember what happened last year,
Let me tell you what I think now

I remember forgetting my feelings,
But I lied
I just hid them

I spent all summer forgetting you
I succeeded
But not long enough

We go to the same school this year again
Great?

Not really
I see you in the hallways,
At lunch,
Everywhere

I hate it but I don't
I find myself getting attracted again
It feels stupid

But at the end I tried and tried
But you seem to come back to mind

All I want is to go back in time,
Even now if I have a chance

To tell you I loved you and I still do
I want you again

"what's wrong with you?"
Was all you said

"We were best friends"
Was what you said when you found out

"You always do this"
Was what you said when you heard

"Your nobody to me anymore"
Was what you said when he told you

All this happened because we liked the same boy

I turned him down because of you,
But you didn't want to believe

Our friendship ruined because,
We liked the same boy

Remember what happened last year?
Maybe not Let me remind you

It started during Spring semester
I had crush on you
Badly

I remember my friends encouraging me,
I wrote you a letter confessing my feelings
Giving you my number and name only

You read it and left it on the table,
Wrong choice

Your friends shared that information with everyone they knew

Messages and messages of unknown numbers
Asking who I was

I found your number and you said,
"I want to get to know you,Zoe"

It was too late
Because I thought you were a ****
Someone who was making fun of me,
My feelings.

Now we go to the same school,
But I bring myself to wonder
What would happen if i responded with a yes.

Okay I'm stupid for thinking that,
But every time I see you now
I want you.

I always liked you,
and threw hints at you

I showed you my love,
Expressed it

I wrote you poems,
And poems of love

I gifted you things
Things of love

But you had a problem
You were oblivious

No matter how much you watch
Stay alive

No matter how hard life is
Stay alive

No matter how easy it looks
Stay alive

No matter how much it hurts
Stay alive

No matter how much you cry
Stay alive

No matter what happens
Stay alive
Because if you don't
You'll leave your love ones wondering
"What did I do wrong?''

I admire from afar
Yet you never notice me
I pray someday you do

I want to confess my feelings
But you might not care
I hope someday I can

You are my crush
But instead of confessing to you
I crush my feelings

So everything I see you
I can't bring my self to confess to you

When you look at someone
I want to be looked at

When you smile
I want the smile

When you laugh
I want the laugh

When you walk away
I want to chase

When you love someone
I want it to be me

Its selfish to think, to even want you
because at the end
it's her and not me.

When I first met you I fell in love
I didn't know who you were,
neither did I care

We spent a lot of time together
and feel harder for you,
Every time our eyes locked

At first it was cliche to think we would last,
I was stupid I know
but you can't blame me for being delusional.

Every time I feel some kind of emotion
I come here
and let all my feelings out.

Its stupid
I know it is,
but i can't stop feeling safe and secure when I write

When I write
I feel free
to write what I feel and think
by writing poems.

In the end I understood
that not everything can be said out loud
so i've learned how to speak my emotions

To something wonderful
like writing

I was always there for you,
When you needed me the most
I never left you.

But then you met her,
You stopped talking to me
Even ignored me.

The day I needed you the most,
You weren't there and instead
You were with her.

It made me feel different,
Like someone who never existed
I felt worthless.

Stupid even to think you'll be there for me,
But you were with her instead.

I remember the day you told me you loved me
I thought you did,
But you didn't.

You never loved me
I was stupid to think you did
You never loved me.

I remember when you called it over
With a simple word,
Sorry.

Every time I hear that word
That stupid word,
I break down.

I hate to think I was the one for you
I can't bring myself to accept it,
I denied it.

I look at pictures we once took together
The presents you once gave me,
It's all in the same place you left them
I can't get rid of them,
not now not never.

I see you smiling with a girl that isn't me,
Its stupid I know
but how can you move on so fast?

I know it's pathetic
You never loved me and I will never understand
Your game.

A game where you come out satisfied and I come out hurt
I don't deny it anymore I know your game,
I understand I was just another one of your games.

It's sad I know but now I look back at my mistakes
I was blinded by your game
it made me understand something,
You never loved me you only loved the way you toyed with me.

I look up at the sky
I don't want to look at you,
It sickens me to even know you're next to me.

I can't bring myself to look at you,
You are still the same.

You lied when you said you changed,
I feel for your trick again.

I feel stupid for trusting you and thinking you changed
I hate myself for thinking you would ever change.
I was an idiot.

literature has many uses in life
but I like literature for one thing,
love.

Sometimes I look back at time and remember why I like literature,
it reminds me of you.

The way you wrote poems and stories,
the way your writing expressed your feelings
helped me realize you always loved me.

You wrote me poems and poems expressing your feelings,
at the time I was an idiot that didn't understand
literature.

I now love literature but it's too late now.

I was late on catching your feelings,
And now i know you loved me
But it's late,
You moved on.

It's the first snow of winter today
for the first time this year,
it felt like something was missing.

The snow was calm and steady,
soft and melty.

It was delicate with every touch,
every touch of snow I felt reminded me of tears
tears that brought me back to reality.

I was really missing something,
no not something.

I was missing someone,
I was missing you.

I never really hated the rain,
until I met you.

You loved the rain,
so did I.

You took me out on rainy days,
went on walks in the rain,
even danced in the rain.

Now I see you with another girl doing the same things,
now I hate the rain,
more than I hate you for leaving.

He was a boy I fell for,
I loved him,
But he didn't know.

He was always clueless and I loved that,
But I wasn't the only one,
There was more.

Other girls who loved him the same way I did,
I told a friend my feelings,
I thought she will support me.

I was wrong,
She loved him as well.

I told him how I feel for him,
But he didn't feel the same.

He loved her
not me,
I spent days feelings guilty for liking someone who doesn't belong to me.

I blamed myself for everything
And it was all because I liked a boy.

The moon is beautiful,
It's bright
And it's the light in the dark.

It's someone's love,
Someone's favorite thing,
Its also someone's everything.

No matter how ugly or distance,
People might think it is,
It's not.

The moon is the most beautiful thing out there,
Just like you.

I remember the day I met you
your smile,
Your laugh,
your personality.

I feel for you,
I was blinded by love that I didn't realize,
I was wrong.

I never wanted to fall for you,
never wanted to be hurt by you.

I was blinded when you said I was the only one, I thought you were right.

But no
I was wrong,
I was just someone you played with just like the rest of them.

The flowers in the flower vase
Red and withered
On the table where I stand.

The flowers that have been there since the day you left
A year ago
On the same table you placed them.

Every Time the date turns 14
Of February it hits
reality hits.

You left me,
and left those flowers there as an apology.

Now everytime its valentines I remember the day you left my life,
leaving me alone with the memories of you when you loved me.

Look at the moon
far away
alone in the distance

Look at the sun
far away
shining in the distance
surrounded by planets

Just like you and me
people notice you but not me.