it all is, has been and will be, we must show up with our males and females in balance in each moment we can.... internally first. I hope as a female outward, your male innards are better than anyone who presents male outwardly.
We made them act "manly" for us for a long time, when the feminine insides in roughened exteriors ended up making mistepps out of heavy expectations... then we just .. made excuses for bad behaviour, and self-hatred applied to justify the swings....
when internally we're in charge of the balancings.

I feel like you'll like that, too.

My writings are coming out weird and faster now

I've been picturing the universal balancing points.

like what if whenever someone showed up "too needy" "too Much" "too this" --- was just the balancing point.
of what I was hiding.

since we're all mostly projectionists. so.... I'm trying to show up more balanced.

just to see... my friend likened it to the stillness that reflects...

mirror surface

like the kangaroo who hopped over the river but didn't quite make it... got stuck in the mud on both sides.. I mean, it jumped, and did cross, but didn't do it well, and died there.... but the bones - the structure - allowed others to cross

Good mentorship looks for what the bones are, not the muscles that tore, or the skin the cut and bled... nor the bruises in the meat..
"I wish to take the lesson, but I can leave the story."

(writing exercise for grounding - please write out your own and feel free to share it with me. This is not ego, this is reaffirmation of the path I wish to take so that I can be better. Welcome to a LVL 1 - Self Training Exercise)
I am still here.
I am whole.
I am wise.
I am capable.
I am strong.
I am lucky.
I am meta.
I am inspiring.
I am loving awareness.
I am constantly growing to be better.
I am consistently showing up for self.
I am persistently trying to be there for others.
I am always trying my best.
I protect my source.
I love others.
I am kind.
I am clear.
I am aware.
I am working daily on my goals.
I am reducing strain on my system.
I am always strategizing and analyzing.
I do what is best for the whole not only the one.
I work to see where the self ends and begins.
I take a step back when emotions are at play.
I strive to be harmonious with surroundings/
I take appropriate action when called.
I operate cleanly without transmiting my burden onto others.
I articulate my needs before they become problematic.
I ask for my needs insted of becoming a challenge myself.
I activate with good intentions and a happy, sound mind to enjoy the process of creation.
I do no harm, but take no ****.
I respect the emotions and needs of others.
I remove expectations and apply replacement behaviours so I may simply take action and succeed.
I hold no energy that does not assist in the leveling up of self.
(Feel free to steal and write out any of these that you may want to take with you onto your next chapter, I highly recommend retrajectorization on the regular. Where are you going next? How are you going to get there? Who are you? Take a page and write out a stream of consiousness to see what naturally develops)
I

Can take the lesson
but leave the story
repeating the past
just gets boring

here were are
crafting our way
warcraft of worlds
sidesteps and sways

up in the tower
she sits and she waits
processing the aether
developing relations with fates

sorting and analyzing
the meta maiden way
each node of the web
must be elevated to save the day

she putters and moans
when everything hurts
body moves so heavy
energy comes in spurts

just trudging along
holding back tears
ego deathed some time ago
manifested the fears

let them in and through
she read in a book
3rd eye goes too
and takes a look

alone she remains
save for the cat
reality is a farce
and that's a fact

the rage that she holds
empowers the hands
letting tears for
catharsis forming bands

of brothers and sisters
of mistresses and misters

collecting trading cards of people
makes sense to few
but when I get it
lazer eyes - pew pew pew

calling out for support
she knows what she needs
working towards something selfless
means more than food feeds

there was no place
for someone like me
it's so hard
when all you want is to be seen

as a self
with some realness
and maybe to be able to
let go of feeling this

there are easier ways
that we can all be good
I'm surprised that it came to me
as the one who decided she should

I'mma gonna flip the table
the script, write the book,
of the ease in which
mood changes with a look

chasing the where's waldo of emotions
doesn't get you very far
when what you're looking for
is what you already are.

"I've been having issues rubbing a couple sticks together to make a fire"

To which I said,
"Maybe you were never meant to be a fire starter?

...why not try something you enjoy doing instead?"

I think it was a hidden message, that I could never quite understand.

Each time my child-mind was told something, I flipped it instead.

All I can do is think and type, but something was always askew and never quite right.

"Maybe I should've hit you more as a child"
is a really weird way to say thanks, but it's what I get.

'cause here's the rub - it turns out 6 to 1 positive to negative makes brain go whirr happy and we forget to celebrate each minute 'cause we live it and the moment we don't the entire web around us is sad... so thanks for takin' care of the node.