You made me a wreck.
You took my self esteem,
My freedom,
My last name, all away.
My entire identity
It was all that I had.
You twisted my insides
So badly...
That I couldn't even bear your children anymore...
You ripped me open
To see my insides
And when you didn't like what you saw, you didn't sew the wounds..
You left them
Bleeding
Gaping
Festering
Necrotizing...
A rotten, filthy, putrified disaster...
And you don't want to pay....
You tried to break me.
I even thought you might try to **** me...
You loved your ******
Your drugs
Your self pity.
And you dont want to pay.
You're not getting off that easy....

I have better things to do than wait for you to get home.
I could watch Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist... again.
I could put our baby's pacifier back in his mouth.
I could scrub the bathtub,
I could fold your shirts,
I could even think about what's keeping you....
But I have better things to do.

I want to hide
In the light
Of your eyes
Forever mine.

I want to swim
In the streams
Of your veins
Until I am washed
In you.

I want to shed
This unholy husk
And see your soul

And live in the aura
Which I have come
To adore.

No greater joy have I ever known than to know that the old storm has passed.

To feel the winds of change but be excited for them.

To see love in the eyes of my daughter, named for beauty... and feel the excited movement from within from my son, named for the stars...

To see the smile come back to my love's face. Relief filling him, and so... filling me.

To see my old chapter book closed but the characters who were a part of it, thriving. I always wished them the best.

No greater joy have I ever known than to finally feel this peace.

Failing to sleep
The 27th time.
We liked that number didn't we?
It held significance for both of us in so many ways.
Is that why You and I became... us?
Because of similarities.. so many...
Because the universe, the wretched, cowardly universe said, "then so be it." After years of wrong timing and awkward exchanges, lives threatened, and hearts left in pieces, she finally gave in and said, "**** it, kids. Have it your way."
Was it because you were afraid, then a girl came to you out of nowhere promising a new beginning?
Because she was a mystery that you thought in time, you could unlock, like A hidden treasure only... when you picked the lock, there was nothing inside at all?
Was it because that girl got the boy, and I got the man?
Was it because I fell head over heels at a very young age with a boy who loved poetry and art?
Who was so kind and interesting that I ignored every red flag thrown my way? Is it because I got the boy, then she got the man?
Were we bored?
Did we save each other?
Or save ourselves from what we could have each become,
Is that why we... You and I... are us?
Is that why we lie awake?
For the 27th time.

Little girl with your bobbed off chestnut locks and uneven bangs,
Did you know?
***** faced and skinny making mud holes in the driveway,
I think you did.
There is a part of your soul that always ached and you didn't know why
But you knew how it would turn out.
You knew you were destined for pain
And would know how to handle it.
You knew you would know true loss
And you have known it a hundred times over.
You knew you would know more joy than you ever thought possible,
And have it stolen away in the night.
You knew we would have memories of which we could never shake.
Little girl with the round, dark eyes and the elvish cheeks, skinned up knees and bruised elbows,
We always knew.

We had waited an eternity..
Lifetimes maybe.
I was there and he was there and it was real.
Finally.
With a seasoned hand, he whisked my hair down.. and marinated in its scent.
Tick
He pulled me in
Tock
I fell into his kiss like I knew I would.
Tick
Down the rabbit hole.
Tock
He unhooked my bra.
Tick
He kneeled and worshipped my body like the holy ground in which he was unable to step.
Tock
I grasped for every inch of this newfound god.
Tick
We danced a dance that made the earth crumble beneath us...
Midnight...

Eske...