I remember
Standing outside in the cold
I was only nine years old
But even then
I knew I shouldn’t go inside

Without a coat
In my new little dress
And flat little dress shoes
That I wore to a choir concert

My mom couldn’t make it
She was working
So it was just him

He didn’t watch it
Or tell me I was good after
In fact
I somehow made him mad

I didn’t want to get in the car
On the way back
I knew when he was angry
We shouldn’t be driving
But there was a loudness in his eyes
It was scary
And I could not ignore it
It told me I had no choice but to get in

He was
Reckless
Missing turns
Short stops
Yelling at drivers
Especially if they have white cars
Because as he says
“Anyone with a white car is an idiot”
Because that makes sense?

What was supposed to be a 10 minute drive
But it became at least 30 minutes

So when we got back
I decided to stay outside

I paced back and forth
Wanting it be warm
And to feel safe

Even then I knew
That is was best to stay away

Even the brightest stars
Will explode
One day

Even the sky
Needs to scream and cry
Sometimes

Even the most beautiful poem
Will one day be forgotten
Even if that's
When we reach oblivion

You're allowed too
Don't feel bad

Breathe
It's all okay
It's night now
Dark
And quiet
Your dreams will take you far away from this terrible world

Breathe
It's over
You can just lie in bed
And listen to your cats meow

Breathe
Just take a breathe
In
....
Out
And over and over again
Until you calm down

Breathe
Just focus on the present
Because you are alive
Now
And you want to say in 2026
That you survived

Breathe
You can close your eyes
And let yourself go
Even though it's hard

Breathe
Slow down
Think in verse
Look out the window
And listen for your dog's heartbeat

Breathe
It's finally quiet
on the outside
Try and exhale the noise
on the inside

Breathe
And know
Nothing is that big of a deal
Just a part of life
After all
We all end up dead
In the end

300 people
Have heard what I have to say

300 people
Liked it

It's crazy to me
That even one soul
Could care about my words
And my woes
But 300!?!

300 people
With thoughts
Feelings
Love
Sadness
Pain
Problems
And poetry
Have read and enjoyed
Wow, this is a dream

I've written
Quite a bit
About feeling lonely
But just a second ago
I looked at the number of followers
And saw 300
A beautiful number
Built from beautiful people
And I felt together
And like I was no longer a weirdly shaped puzzle piece
With no existing puzzle to fit in to

Of course
I write for me
But it sure felt good
To see

Thank you,
Each and every one of you,
You mean so much to me

Loneliness is a record player
Sitting in an attic
With no record
Or someone to love it

Is like looking
And seeing many people around you
But gazing into the mirror of your life
And just seeing you
Alone
And maybe
the monster in your head

Loneliness is a door
You're to afraid to open
You want what's on the other side
But the handle might burn you

It is a picture of you
With friends
Wearing fake smiles
And wanting to be in that moment again
More than anything
Or never again
For what is actually nothing

Loneliness can be felt
Alone a bathroom stall
Trying to breathe
And stay calm

In an auditorium
Filled with hundreds
When there is no one
Who notices you

You also feel it
When they do

While trying to push through
The crowded hallways
That are loud
And try to swallow you

Loneliness can be felt everywhere
And can be anything
If you're anything like me

Of course you feel alone
People don't show when they feel bad
Scrolling on your social media
No one shows imperfection
Or the reality of the world

Of course you feel alone
There is no question in
"Are you okay?"
But a cue to say
"Yes"

Of course you feel alone
Because people cover up their scars
Are wear their masks all day
It's not just you
7 billion at least

Of course you feel alone
We're told
"Don't cry"

Of course you feel alone
If everyone is scared to be honest
Because we have a different opinion
We all might end up lying
Just like the other day
When someone told me
That they actually liked the book we read in class
As if it was a crime
And she was the only one
...
Three other people told me that

Of course you feel alone
And even in that
You're not
I'm right there with you
And so are billions of others
At some point in their lives

I cannot seem to be able
To unwrap the vines of pain from me
After all
It's in my name

I would do anything
Give anything
To make this bad
Heavy feeling
Be lifted

I would call a plane
And a crane
To get it off my heart
If that's what it takes

I want to feel better already

The time is moving too slow
And too fast
All at once
Who is messing with the clock?
Is it a monster living in the walls
Or is it living in my head?

The vines get tighter
The more I want them to loosen

Are they the problem
Or is it me?
What's the difference
I can't see

It doesn't matter
Get them off of me

I want to feel better already