Stand there
On the grass covered with a coat of snow
Smell the cold
Feel the peace
Touch the white that fell on the chair in the backyard

It's uncomfortable
I'm wet and shivering
But loving every second

Memories of snow days
When I was little
Flood back to me like a tsunami
It hits me
Except I like it

Suddenly
I'm making snow angles
Building snow men
Watching soft cold comfort fall from the sky
Hearing the fact that every single snow flake is different
And being absolutely mesmerized

I remember sticking my tongue out
Trying to catch one
Trying to taste the wonder of those flakes

Now, many years later
I stick my tinge out again
Waiting for a snowflake to fall----
But it doesn't come
It doesn't land where I want it to
I'm older now
Things have changed
I miss the way they once were
When things still weren't great
But at least
I got to taste the snow flake

You can take photos of people
Things
Moments

I wish you could capture feelings too
So I can look at my smiling self
And remember that I I've done it before
So I can do it again
In moments like these
Where I feel that this terrible feeling
Will never end

You denied their pain
And could never take the blame
Gaslighted and lied your way out of the truth
Is this really your way of life?
You narcissistic fool

Snow flakes fall
Look like they will stick to the ground,
Build up
Make something wonderful

But when they finally reach it
They melt
They go away
Like my dreams of building a snow man

To a stranger
I might look weak
Crying at 11:00pm
Outside in the cold
Headphones on

I might look crazy
Spinning
Reaching out to the far away stars
Standing on a tree stump in front of a random house
My favorite place to be
Waving at every passing airplane
Wondering if they're waving back to me

Maybe a bit strange
For most teens don't go outside to walk
Especially so late at night
Alone
For that

But I know
If I was the stranger
Looking out their bedroom window
Watching
I would smile

The year is almost over
The worst one I ever had

The year is almost finished
And it will never again make me mad

The year will fly away soon
And it will never come back

I hope that when it leaves
It takes my sorrow with it too
And it makes my life get back on track