I want to scream
So loudly
That world will stop spinning for a second
And acknowledge that I'm angry

That the ground will collapse
Deep enough for me to fall into
And never come out

That time will stop
Maybe for an hour or two
Or maybe forever

I remember one night
As clear as day

It all started when I watched a movie
The dog has died
And it reminded me of mine

I let myself sob
I knew my mom would only come back late
And my dad wasn't truly there

So I cried and cried
Distracted myself by watching more
And cried again

When she got back
She came with me in bed
As I sobbed


Soon enough
She said "it's time to sleep!"
And that's when I realized
I couldn't stop to weep
And it wasn't just that
I couldn't breath
I was shaking
I realized
It was a full blown panic attack

Unable to stop
Already 3am
My mom not knowing what to do anymore
She said "If you don't stop
I'll have to take you to the hospital"

A nightmare

Scared out of my mind
Knowing that's the last thing I wanted
I went to the bathroom
And took a cold shower

It was cold
And miserable
I hated it so
But after collecting myself a bit
I was able to sleep
A terrible sleep though


I've had nights
Feeling so physically ill
But I know
Nothing will ever
Compare to that night

I was only like 9
But I'm telling you
I was so ready to just crumble up
And die

I wonder
If she'll believe him
And all of his lies
Saying he's done nothing wrong
And loved me so
He wants “ to get close”

If she believes him
I'll seem like the criminal
And he’ll seem like the victim to my crime

If she believes him
I'll look like a liar

Why did he need to meet her alone?
I don't understand

Lies
Lies
Lies
But so convincing still

It's like a remix of a song
That takes you a moment to recognize
Because the melody is different

It's my word against his
But I’m younger than him

I wish to never see her again
But I'll see her today

Honestly
I would rather stay in bed
I have other better ways
To do therapy

Other ways
That don't have an unhelpful opinions

Other ways
That can't believe his lies

And other ways
That help me
Instead of stress me
And can keep me sane
(Most of the time)

It's 11:11
I don't know what to wish for
So many things I want
But only 60 seconds to say them all

Anyways
I know they'll only be in vain

It's 11:11
And honestly
I'm really done with today
with yesterday
And tomorrow

It's 11:11
I don't know what to feel

I am quiet
But my thoughts are loud

I am untrusting
But I trust you too much

I am choking back tears on the inside
But I'm smiling on the outside

I wonder what's wrong with my mind
Way too often

There are 8,191,420,825 people as of now
And we are all thinking
We are all breathing
And we are all feeling
As long as we are alive

Some are happy right now
Just got married
Just made a friend

And some at their saddest
For their parents just died
Or they found out their partner lied

Some think about life and death
And some about what they're eating for breakfast

But all of us are thinking
Its insane

The happiest poem
But underneath it
A one full of despair

The happiest person
But next to it
One losing hope

We are so different
Yet the same
We all have names
Names and beliefs
Beliefs and truths
Truths and weaknesses
Weaknesses and strengths

It's crazy to think about it
Honestly