Liana

Liana Nov 2024

I constantly need to check myself
Make sure I'm not turning in to him
I need to be more self aware
Then he'll ever be

I never want to make anyone feel
Anything close to the way he did to me

I've grown up seeing that example, it fear it will impact me. The tendency towards mental illness is genetic, and it's already started to latch on to me. I refuse to let take me as it did him. I must be different. I will not be him.

Liana Nov 2024

I have learned my lessons

I am a master
Of avoiding arguments
As for the entirety of my existence
Looking at you wrong
Could mean a tantrum
Making a helpful suggestion
Could make you shout at me
And asking you
"What's up?"
Could mean a suffering two day tragedy

It's best to keep my head down
But not for too long
Because that might make them mad too

I wish I could say these were exaggerations

Liana Nov 2024

Hurt

My head hurts when I move
My brain hurts when I talk
And my heart hurts when I trust you

Liana Nov 2024

Night

.
         I
            Love
              Stars,
                   They
                     Are so
                      Far, but
                       Feel so
                        Near. I love
                        The moon ,
                         How it's
                        Always
                        Changing
                     But I hate
                  How
               I can't
          Sleep
      Ever

Liana Nov 2024

And he doesn't even know

You took a blade
And you stabbed my back, heart and my brain
Made me so confused and hurt
Now bad feelings always lurk
Especially when something reminds me of you
The problem is
I've known you forever
So everything reminds me of you

The worst part
Is that you're too blind to see any of it
I never got a single apology
And I know if one day that you ruined for me
Would be on repeat until you got it right
You'd be stuck forever
You don't see your problems
Those problems are a big part of me now
So I guess
You don't see me
Do you?
Not at all

Thoughts branched out, kind of got messy, sorry

(About my dad btw)

Liana Nov 2024

School Vs Here

At school
I am quiet
Barely even there
Head down
Just make it through the day
No one needs to know what goes on in my brain

But on here
I am loud
Because my thoughts are loud
And I can share them
And whether people like it or not
They'll here the messyness of my head

At school
I must speak through my mouth words that don't matter

Here
I speak through poetry my most deep fears and desires

At school
I feel alone
No one cares that i'm there
It's not completely their fault
For I don't talk to anyone

Here
I feel supported
People care
And I can share through poems
(The very best way)

But I am forced to go to school
And encouraged to get off of here

Liana Nov 2024

Sending me love

Something I did
When I was younger
While I was feeling good
Was I would send my future self love
For when I needed it most
For when things were just too much
I would tap the back of hand
And it was sent
And to receive it
I just had to tap again
And though there's no way
That a little movement of hand could do so much
But it really felt that way
At least I was there for me
And that was a comfort

I was a very odd third grader