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Liana Nov 2024
If you look at me in school
You wonder
Why is she so quiet?
What is she even looking at?

If you meet me out of school you wonder
Why won't she stop talking?
Why does she not take anything seriously?

But the thing is
If you know me
The real me
I promise you
If you ask
Or sometimes don't
I'll tell you
The truth
So you won't have
To wonder
Anymore
I am very different in different social situations
But both are me in some way
Not in a comfortable sense though
For those first two
Liana Nov 2024
I refuse to laugh
Just because that's what they do
I'll just observe leaves
2nd ever Haiku

Instead of pretending to care about what they say, I'll stare out the window and watch the leaves fall. I know, I'm strange.
Liana Nov 2024
I know I am lucky for it
These experiences people my age don't get
Traveling and performing
Playing my instrument
But they don't really know how it is
At home
Scales and metronomes
Haunting me in my sleep
Playing and practicing for my audition
All while crying
Tears rolling down my cheeks as I crescendo
A little sob escapes
During the half rest

I love music
But It shouldn't be this stressful
It's fun when I play with my band
But not alone with my mom
While she's telling me to play that measure again and again
Until I get it right
But I don't really care about that scale
I want to play for fun
Often I have fun though, when I get to solo or play a really cool song and stuff. My mom can really be free with music, it's cool, it's often just not like that with me. Today I was practicing for an audition and crying while doing it. After a while I got fed up and said I wanted to leave, and my mom started arguing with me about it. Eventually I did leave, and went to go hug my cat and write this. I am lucky for it though in many ways, and have learned a lot.

If interested,  her name is "Reut Regev". Her most recent tour was with a band called "Monica Herzig's   Sheroes".
Liana Nov 2024
I don't like winter for one reason
Because I leave for school before sunrise
And come back
When the sun has almost set
I see no light
And I can't walk
Winter has taken away my walks
They keep me sane
And now they're gone
And so is my wonder
And my joy
I figured out why I've been feeling so bad lately
Liana Nov 2024
Walking in the crowded hallways
The teens yelling
Banging
Talking
Shouting
All of these sounds
Coming from all directions
Making me feel small
And claustrophobic
Suddenly my clothes are too tight and too loose
And my hair is itchy on my neck
Overwhelming urge to scream and run away
To be alone in my bedroom
Where its quiet at least
But no
I need to go to my next class
That I'll forget about as soon as the test is finished
Or maybe before
I don't know
  Nov 2024 Liana
Not to bother
What is it that causes us to romanticize people we don't know?

As if their lives are somehow different than ours, as of they don't silently cry themselves to sleep at night.
Liana Nov 2024
Once when I was around 6 years old
I was ******
At my teacher
So I went and sat under the slide
And I wouldn't move
Even after the whistle was blown
And after my teacher yelled at me some more
And my friend joined me
And then left
And until they say they would call my mom
And that they were disappointed in me
I still sat
That was all I could do at my age to protest
And I did until I felt I had made my impact
Then I got up silently
And went in line
With a smile of satisfaction
And the reminisce of tears on my cheeks

Now
When I'm ******
I sit there
Clenching my fists
And do nothing else
(Outside of my head)

I wish I would be more like 6 year old me
Honestly
True story
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