My Almosts

1.
You were drunk.
I was naive.
You were older.
I fell for your charm.
You took advantage.
Too bad you’re going nowhere.
You could have been great.

2.
We had a blind date.
You brought flowers.
I stayed blind.
I forgot to see that we were awful together.
You’re a stupid ginger.

3.
You caught my interest.
We saw a bad movie
and giggled together the whole time.
You put your arm around me
in the uncomfortable movie theater seat.
Bad kisser.
Too short.

4.
We got hot and heavy.
Nostalgia stuck around for years.
You didn’t.
You kept leaving and coming back.
I wanted you so badly.
I loved everything about you.
You didn’t.

5.
We bonded.
We had things in common.
You made stupid jokes
and I laughed sincerely.
We picked out kids names
and wedding colors.
So close...


6.
We met at work.
I was loud.
You were shy.
We took it slow.
You treated me with respect.
We made a solid foundation.
You never let me go to bed angry.
I might marry you.
Almost.

I taught English as a Peace Corps Volunteer on a small island in the Federated States of Micronesia. The following is an account of one of my student's most treasured memories.**

'''

My most treasured memory was very sad.
We were at the hospital, everybody crying
and I just couldn’t breathe

I looked from my mother to my father
and they were both out of words
with tears streaming down their faces.

I felt like my heart was gripped so tight
I could not move a single joint.

We watched my little brother struggle
through the pain of his last breath.

I was not close with my brother;
we fought all of the time and sometimes
he just scared the hell out of me when he
lost control.

He threw everything he could reach
and hit me with anything he had in his hand.
I was just a nuisance and an annoying girl
so we were different people because
he is so speechless and very shy.

He had a very bad temper and it ruled him
when he got mad.

He was such a handsome young boy.

I stood there crying with all the other people
and he called my name.
I knelt down beside his bed and took his hand,
crying so hard I could not talk or see him
with the tears pooling and sliding down my face.

He looked at me and said
“I’m sorry about fighting and hurting you,”
barely in a whisper.

I clutched his hand even tighter.
He said, “I didn’t mean to hurt you,
I just got mad and couldn’t stop myself
from doing so.

Q, take care of mom and dad,
I can’t because I think I’m going to die.”

I was screaming at him by then
saying that he is not going to die.
Every word he said he struggled to get out.

My mom was pulling me away
but I could not be led away.

She was pleading and begging me
but I would not budge.
He was having a seizure by that time
and the doctor was with my mom pulling me away
and, for an instant, I thought my dad was going to slap me.

But he held me in his arms and told me not to cry
because everything was going to be alright.
I calmed down and knelt by the bed with my dad next to me—
he held my hand and squeezed it.
I held my brother’s hand with my other hand
and he looked at me with sad painful eyes
and everything went still.

My mom screamed and my dad froze
and I just cried even harder.

I pulled my hand from my dad and gathered
my brother in my arms and started to cry,
scream and shake him.

It took both my mom and aunt to loosen my grip on him
and my dad pulled me into his arms again.

This memory is so attached to me because
only once in my life have I been held by my dad;
slept in my mother’s arms.

And for the first time, my brother told me
comforting words and asked my forgiveness.

Everything was first-and-last because my family
blames me for my brother’s death.

I was treated so badly after that
but those moments were so comforting
beautiful and sad.

I love my family.
They just don’t love me
as much as I love them.

       My most treasured memory
       Happened when I was eleven.

       No one knows what tomorrow will bring.
       Maybe it will change.

Alone
I had no friends.
I had no love.
I had no one but myself.
I saw everyone else.
I saw that they were happy.
I saw they had someone.
Where was my someone?
I waited.
You came.

Happy.
I had you.
I had your heart.
You had my whole.
We walked.
We talked.
We laughed.
We hugged.
We loved.
You left.

Alone.
I sit.
I cry.
I have no friends.
I have no love.
I have no one.
You left me
Alone.

Three women were out golfing
one day and one of them hit
her ball into
the woods. She went into the
woods to look for it and found
a frog in a
trap.
  The frog said to her, "If you
release me from this trap, I will
grant
you three wishes."
  The woman freed the frog and
the frog said, "Thank you, but I
forgot to
mention that there was a
condition to your wishes- that
whatever you wish
for, your husband will get 10
times more or better."
  The woman said, "That would
be fine." For her first wish she
wanted to
be the most beautiful woman in
the world. The frog warned her,
"You do
realize that this wish will also
make your husband the most
handsome man
in the world, an Adonis, that
women will flock to him."
  The woman replied, "That will
be okay, because I will be the
most
beautiful woman and he will
only have eyes for me."
  So, **** - she's the most
beautiful woman in the world.
  For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest
woman in the world.
  The frog said, "That will make
your husband the richest man
in the
world, and he will be 10 times
richer than you."
  The woman said, "That will be
okay, because what is mine is
his, and
what is his is mine..." So, ****,
she's the richest woman in the
world.
  The frog then inquired about
her third wish, and she
answered,
  "I'd like a mild heart attack."

I still talk to you even though you do not answer
it just makes me feel better
Days like today when I wished you a Happy Mothers Day
I sent it up through the air in hope that it reaches you
I also write to you in my poems in hopes that you read them
Time has made it easier on my heartache and not to feel
But this hole in my heart will never heal
The love I feel for you will never be gone
and the memories I have of you will always live on