Pinks and blues color the sky,
The sun has removed itself for the night,
And the breeze rolls on,
Alleviating the August heat.

Though a bit high,
You can find me basking in the last of the light
So I can view all the houses, cars and lawns
As I read on my rooftop; nothing beats

These waning summer nights that
Are fleeting quickly. Nothing beats reading
On my roof, enjoying the solitary act
Of simply reading a book.

I'm doing more than reading up here at
Sunset; no, I'm understanding that this is just leading
Me to the notion that happiness has one fact-
Happiness rests in the little things, you just have to look.

Don't have a wishbone
Where your backbone ought to be,
They told me, so often.

See, wishbones are meant
For Thanksgiving dinners where
Two children break it

In half to see who
Gets the first turkey leg,
or something like that.

See, wishbones aren't strong.
They aren't reliable, strong
Enough to support you

When what you ought to
Do doesn't comply with what you
So dearly wish for.

If you lack backbones,
And have a wishbone for a
Spine instead, you should

Get to breaking that
wishbone right out of your mind
And body because

At the end of the day,
A backbone is all you have
When wishes aren't your

Reality. No,
A backbone will keep you up
Whereas a wishbone

Will break easily,
As easily as your heart
Will when your wishes

Do not come true. A
Backbone is something you ought
To have instead dear.

If you are a woman, stand proud
Because thanks to you,
The human race will continue on.

Stand up strong to the boys
Who, despite this day and age,
Tell you to go make them a sandwich.

I say boys because in my book,
Men view women as equals, as counterparts-
Not lesser, not unqualified, not unable.

If you are a woman,
Be sure to love yourself as you are because
Those beauty standards change on a dime-

Frankly, you're a work of art
From your dimples to your nose,
From your eyes to your knees.

See, make sure you love who you are
Because if you allow a man to love you where your own self-love should be,
You won't be full-

You'll be half empty as you roam around life
Trying to find a man who will love you
When you can't even love yourself.

Frankly, if you're a woman
Pat yourself on your ******* back because
You are a force to be reckoned with.

If you're a woman, stare at yourself in the mirror
And learn to love, support, encourage and believe
In the lovely person staring back at you.

If you're a woman, wear whatever the ******* want-
Dress for yourself, and dress in what
Makes you feel like a million bucks, whether that's a tshirt or a sheath.

Also, if you're a woman, say what you'd like.
If you want to say curse words despite the stigma that it's not "ladylike",
Say the ******* words anyway.

If you're a woman, walk along with
Your head up, your shoulders back, your smile
Blazing a trail ahead of you.

If you're a woman,
Don't forget that other women are your sisters,
Not always your enemies.

If you're a woman,
Celebrate all that entails your gender,
But also remember that your gender does not determine what you can do, say or be. Ever.

And if someone makes the age old remark that
"It's a man's world.",
Kindly remind them that if that were true,

Women wouldn't be astronauts, politicians,
Engineers, authors, bosses, CEOS and so fourth-
No, this is a world in which women continue to thrive just as much as men do.

If you're a woman,
Seriously, best of luck when your period starts.
We all know how much that *****.

Even more luck when a guy judges you,
States that you're emotional and irrational
Solely because your body is functioning properly.

If you're a woman, you're already half way
To be one hell of a person.
Now you just have to believe it in its entirety to make it the truth.

Let's hole up in the house
The next time it pours for hours outside,
Make some tea
And sit by the fire.

Let's grab blankets and pillows,
And lounge around for hours-
Long enought to tell each other
Everything worth mentioning about ourselves.

I'll tell you about the scar on my knee,
And how my best friend from the 3rd grade
Has one to match from the time
We did cartwheels in the streets.

You'll tell me about the time you
First climbed that tree in your neighborhood
By yourself, then with friends,
And how you loved to read up there.

I'll remind you of the time we
Fell asleep side by side,
And you'll remind me of the time
We kissed in a parking lot.

And it can go on like that,
Just us retelling our stories,
The stories from before we met,
And how we'll create new stories together.

I can be your better half,
You can be my main squeeze.
We can keep this light hearted
And go with the salty breeze

That blows along the oceanside;
We'll flow like the waves flow free-
Come be my main man,
Come be my one and only.

I'll be your balancing act,
You'll be my rationality,
So long that it includes you-
Together is how we should be.

We can stay in or go out,
We can go anywhere actually,
So long that you're coming along,
Promise you'll be right next to me.

Come be my main man,
I'll be your main squeeze.
You're the perfect fit, you see-
We fit together with such ease.

Come and stay awhile,
There's no rush to leave.
We look so good together,
To this I believe.

I have a particular interet in old flames,
Maybe because their embers never fully died in my heart.

So when the wind rolls by, and breathes life into
These possible long gone embers,

They light back up, in the back of my mind
Where the glow is too tempting

To ignore, so I sit down and bask in the emitting
Heat from long gone flames just to

See what they had that lit me up
In the first place.

Old flames remain in my memories until
Something stirs my heart, long enough

To sustain a tiny spark that
Reminds me why we caught fire so long ago.

So when you pass by me on the street,
And I look the other way,

It's because I have no need for your embers,
There's no need for them to stay.

I doubt you even put a match to
The thought of me anyway,

So I'll let your embers rest until charred and black,
Just so that they never return, so they never come back.

There are far better things ahead than we leave behind,
Or so I have read somewhere,
From some famous author or speaker or whatever.

There are far better things and people and moments ahead, I've come to find;
It's true. The past becomes so, evaporates into thin air,
Only allowing what's to come next- the better.

The better sometimes takes its time to arrive,
And doesn't always make itself known;
Sometimes it's under your nose and you haven't a clue.

Sometimes it's easy to attain, sometimes you strive
To even have enough eyesight to be shown
What is so much better ahead that what is behind, what you knew.

The past is where it is for a reason,
And I've come to accept that people will
Fall behind in time and become mere memories,

Though that's okay when you understand that they'll come and go like seasons,
It's okay that people remain still
In time and never return just to please

The insatiable want for people from your past-
No, people will leave.
It will hurt, you will cry, you will lose.

And when others arrive, and they last
Beyond the fights that make us upset and grieve,
Past the small incidents that ultimately help us choose

Who is worth the fight,
Who is worth the time,
Who is worth the effort, because without a doubt

You will accept that some just might
Thankfully stick around- I've come to find
That this is what I've been hearing about.

I let out too much, too soon
Like an untied balloon losing its' air,
Like a bottle of soda bursting at an unwound cap.

I let out too much, and much too soon-
I know because I am with my chin on my knees,
Wondering how I could open up so easily

To someone who doesn't know too much,
And not soon enough to realize that
Me opening up is like a tidal wave engulfing the shore.

You don't know much about that
I'm soon enough going to let all my secrets leak
From my cracks and tell me, can you handle that?

I am the kind of girl
To graze your lips,
Watch them slightly curl
As your hands hold my hips.

Soft kisses around your neck,
So soft they are opaque and iridescent.
My kisses turn you to a wreck,
And you'll never forget it-

The way I laughed in your arms
And swayed under the stars,
The way I set fire, set off the alarm
Enclosing your heart behind bars.

You'll never lose the time
Of rain dancing, you stayed to listen
As I stole you heart, it was a crime
To take an unsuspecting victim.

I robbed you of your stature,
Because I kissed you without the intent
That I would provide utter rapture;
Instead I left you damaged and bent.

I am the kind of girl
To hurricane into your lungs,
Steal your breath with a whirl.

You are the kind of boy
Who deserves the world-
One full of reciprocation and joy.

Come around midnight,
When the moon light is all you have to guide you
Around my want when it's at it's absolute height-

When I most want to be entangled in legs and hair
And arms and your soft-spoken words- like birds, they flew
As whispers into the night air.

Come around and lay beside my slowly closing eyes,
Settle into my frame and stay awhile, see the sky blue
As we wait for the sun to illuminate the sleepy skies.

I finally get what I've dreamt of;
My fingers laced between yours,
A meaningful conversation,
And an opportunity to just be with you.

I took the first step, took a shove
Into your arms, asking for
You to give me some reciprocation-
And that's precisely what you do.

Your feelings and love
Are misplaced, because who you adore
Is not who I really am, more like a romanticized creation
You formed in your head, too good to be true.

I cannot be yours simply because I seem
To mold to what you desire,
To form to your liking,
To be seemingly perfect in your eyes.

You look at me, your eyes gleam
With a long-burning, hearty fire
That I'm alluring and utterly striking;
I am that of which it all defies.

I am not so fit for you, not a cog to your machine
In which we fit together and conspire
To somehow work out kinks, our chances hiking
To the highest peak, somewhere touching the skies.

October 9th, 2011

Next time you want to talk crap about her, bite your tongue and think- "What is this doing for me or her?" If you don't have anything nice to say, no matter how much you want to chime in or make a joke, simply don't. Calling names, gossiping and assumptions will only hinder how you see someone for who he or she truly is. Once words leave your mouth, they're gone. You can't scoop them up and hide them. Be the girl who is kind to everyone- a hard, but not impossible, feat. Kindness stretches miles and is remembered. Be considerate and pick your words carefully. Make people feel good about who they are. Brining the best out of them will bring the best out of you.

Love,
Megan

I think lips
Are enchanting, much so
When placed on the bump of my collar bone
And the nape of my neck, when forming to my own.

I think eyes
Are alluring, much so
When they bore into mine
And read my unspoken thoughts with stars overhead.

I think hands
Are captivating, much so
When they pull me closer at night,
When fingers roll down my spine, soothingly.

I think chests
Are comforting, much so
When I'm lying across yours
And listening to your breath roll in and out.

I think you're
Lovely, if not better; much so
When you choose to lay down and
Envelope me into your arms as the night envelopes the sun, as the night encompasses the world just like you encompass me.

It's always alarming that I can
Smile and sing the whole way home,
Windows down, hair dancing in the night air
As I drive along the empty roads and streets,

And as soon as my hands
Turn the key out of the ignition,
My sadness creeps up, paying the fare from my subconscious to my heart,
Where it resides until tears slip down my cheeks.

Do it for yourself,
And nobody else, because
You are left alone

At the end of the
Day with all of the choices
Only you have made.

It's ironic that today is a day of independence,
A whole month away from me.
I thought I'd be sadder,
But I've actually never been so happy.

It's ironic that one month ago,
We said our goodbyes-
July 4th has been a day
In which I didn't cry.

It's ironic that you didn't
Think I could be okay,
Where here I am, breathing and smiling without you.
I'll live to see another day.

July 5th will come,
As will my life in it's entirety,
But today I realized my immense indenpendence,
I realized alone and happy is something I could be.

I can't place my finger
On how you became so distant
And different
And difficult to tolerate.

I can't place my finger
In between the salt water trails
Down my cheeks because it won't
Stop them from flowing.

I can't place my finger
On how I precisely feel,
Or why I randomly cry,
Or why the stars make me feel so small every night.

I can't place my finger
On the moment when you became
A face in photos that I vaguely stare at
In attempts to remember who you are.

I can't place my finger
On why the sadness creeps up
And camps out in my chest,
And bangs pots and pans so I can't sleep.

I can't place a finger on your hand
When you're lonesome,
When you're tired;
I can't be there for you.

I can't place a finger
On the moment when I became the past.
I can't place a finger
On the moment you decided to let my words be the last ones spoken.

I can't place a **** finger
On my own valves and stop the blood
Pumping through my veins because if the pumping ceased,
So would these endless nights and thoughts.

Granted I can't place a finger
On why I'm so "damaged",
As you would say;
I'm not sure why I am perpetually in limbo between extremities.

I just can't place my finger
On why I even care so much;
I promise it's not because I miss us.
I'm quite fine without.

I can solely place my finger
Upon the fact that I'm out here
Blazing a trail on my own,
And I'm scared as hell I'll waver and trail down into the darkest parts of my being,

And just remain there, sleeping on the dark path that is carved out in my heart where only these thoughts resurrect themselves and lie down with me too, long enough for me to forget how to place my fingers into a fist and fight them off; I can't place a finger on why I'm fighting in the first place, why sometimes I place a finger to my face and there are streams of unplaced, uncalled for sadness and delusion.

Zquil
Tumblr
Reading
Pacing
Eating
Crying
Chores
Journaling
Prayi­ng
Talking to myself
Ripping up old letters, photos
Drawing on myself

All of the above ensure I hit my bed exhausted, exhausted enough to fall asleep instantly so I don't have to lay here and wonder how we became strangers and how it's almost stranger that neither of us care to share that it's sad so we let it be, let it rest until none of that puts me to sleep and I sit here and drown in my thoughts, suffocated by the fact that it's all ******* over and the photos are mere memories and there won't be more photos, there won't be more memories to create because you are so far gone.

All of the above ensure I hit my bed, exhausted enough to fall asleep instantly so I don't have to feel and acknowledge that losing people is piercing my heart. Being numb and indifferent is so much easier when you're too tired to acknowledge how you really feel.

I keep busy during the day, tire myself out, and hope to God I'm so exhausted that I sleep for hours until I do it all over again. There's a solid 8 hours I don't have to acknowledge any of this is real and the sooner I'm there, the more numb I feel and at this rate I don't want to feel this at all.

Remember to smile
At the strangers on the street.
Remember to dance and sing
To your own unique beat.

Remember to savor and enjoy
Your meals each day.
Remember to smell the flowers
Once they bloom in May.

Remember to say "I love you"
To those you feel so strongly about.
Remember to maintain wisdom and hope,
For these will always trump doubt.

Remember to sleep
When you're weary and weak.
Remember to give
More than you do keep.

Remember to lend a hand,
Even if you're down too.
Remember to learn from all experiences,
Becaususe there are lessons in all you do.

Remember to forgive
Those who did you wrong.
Remember: to forgive (when you're ready) is to move on,
And there's no other way to genuinely move along.

Remember to indulge
In what makes you most bright.
Remember to work endearingly when needed,
For you'll always have to fight-

Always remember to fight for what you believe in.
If you stand for nothing, you'll fall at the first blow.
Remember to stand up for what matters to you,
Vow to never let go.

Remember that someone indeed cares
About you when you can't seem to love you.
Remember that love is indeed stronger than your demons,
Love will always pull through.

Remember that you will fall,
You will stumble and lose.
Remember that you can let that teach you,
The choice is for you to choose.

Remember to remember worth,
You have it in yourself, in all you've said.
Remember to read this when
You forget anything you just read.

I'd like to be flowers growing in the cracks of sidewalks because those are the flowers that fought and somehow saw the light, and grew that way until cracking through the pavement and thriving towards the sun, almost a proclamation brightly, lightly saying, "I made it."

I'm left melancholy for long gone memories that won't boomerang back and resurface solely because they once made me happy.
I'm left feeling empty minded because thinking hurts, and thinking reminds me I'm a bit empty hearted right now which also means I am empty handed.
I'm left knowing that a common denominator when adding up the problems in my life is me and you can't subtract sadness out of a girl who finds it under every rock, in every corner without necessarily searching too hard.
I'm left feeling like I didn't overcome my sadness again and it's pathetic that I can't; it's notably sad I can't help but sit down with my demons and let them play in the card game that is my life when I was dealt all kings and queens and I somehow walked away with jokers instead.
I sometimes wallow in my sadness. It is not romantic, it is not cute, it is not attractive, it is not enticing, it is not alluring, it is not anything but sad. It is sad I can't always overcome it; sometimes it's a wave crashing down into my eyes, leaving me submerged and wondering when I can resurface to breathe and be alive once again.

I'm a little lonesome
And it's nothing new to me.
I've been lonesome before,
Thought it's not the way I want to be.

I'm a little lonely,
I have been for some time.
I'm missing someone now.
It's not okay, it's not fine.

I'm a little alone,
Stuck inside my own mind.
I'm surrounded by people,
Though there's no comfort in them I can find.

I'm a little lost
Without your guiding hand.
I'm okay on my own though,
I have two feet, I can stand.

I'm just a little sad
That I'm without you,
But that's a part of moving on,
That's just what I have to do.

I used to dance and perform on stages,
moving my feet to the music and the beat to entertain.

I quit and I miss it plenty,
though I haven't brought myself back to it yet.

In a way, I never stopped dancing
because I always wrote and that was my way of composing.

I hope to be brave enough one day
to sit behind a microphone and read my work to people,

to have my words leap into ears
and land softy upon hearts;

I hope my words waltz into imaginations
and ignite fire in veins.

I never stopped dancing in that
My fingers always danced across pages in ink.

I regret little,
For I know regret is a
Useless emotion.

It causes pain to
Sear you in the heart, and that's
Unnecessary.

I regret little,
Aside from only hurting you
In the way I did.

I regret how long
It took me to understand,
To react to your pain.

I regret that I
Killed hope and patience, your faith
In love and people.

I'd bag all of your
Pain up and carry it on
My own, if I could.

I regret hurting
An undeserving victim,
I regret that most.

My regret will not
Compensate for how much you
Feel now, and I'm sorry.

I regret that my
Apologies have no truth
To you anymore.

I didn't see that
You were what I wanted, and
That you were lovely.

I only regret not
Being able to see what
Was in front of me.

I firmly believe that everything happens for an implicit and explicit reason.

For example, I am attending community college because I decided to.

I am also attending community college because I was meant to begin my collegiate endeavors there. It wasn't my first choice, but since deciding to do so it has panned out to be the best choice for me in so many different ways.

So, everything occurs for implicit and explicit reasons. Events occur, decisions are made because we made them so, but it was also supposed to be that way. I suppose this is my confirmation in my faith of fate, a preordained future of sorts. I believe that everything happens for a reason, good or bad, so we can grown and learn; if things were different though, everything else would be too. The smallest of details alter the larger picture.

With that said, I've realized the course of events sometimes ****. A lot. Sometimes you lose people, you lose faith, you lose your footing, you just lose in total and it hurts a lot. But you have to lose sometimes, no matter how much it *****. The hard times are as important as the good; both have integral lessons in them, and only experience will unlock the knowledge you need to move on and tread new paths cautiously, with more knowledge, bravery and with more ease.

Losing is inevitable; we are like trees in that year in, year out, we grow a little more and let go of the heavy leaves stopping us from doing just that.

Sometimes you're the tree, in need of losing some of those weighty leaves. Sometimes you're the leaves, the weight upon someone else's tree. I'm sad to say I was a leaf, but I'm not sad that I went through being a leaf. I've learned, through being a leaf, that I can hurt people with my words and actions. I learned that I can be really selfish, usually at the expense of others. I learned I'm condescending, I say one thing but do another. I don't always practice what I preach, I talk about love then demonstrate indifference.

I was meant to be a leaf and it's because my actions made me so; I took advantage of him until he realized that I was doing so. I was meant to be a leaf because it taught me and him a vast lesson that people will let you down, people will leave, people will ruin you, people will love you in the most twisted ways, people will confuse you, people will use you, people will not keep promises, people won't always explain, people will **** up and make you lose faith in everyone else.

I was meant to be a leaf, as horrible as that is, to teach all of that to him and I was a terrific teacher to a horrible lesson. Everything happens for a reason; explicitly, I don't have the privilege of being in his life because I was horrible. Implicitly, I wasn't meant to be there for long anyway, because I was toxic and confusing. The small spurts of happiness and enjoyment I provided never fully compensated for the pain, anger, heart break and damage I'd leave behind.

So, I cope with that everything happens for a reason. Someday there will be someone to repair him and fix his faith and help him realize why we didn't work. Someone else out there will be a 180 from me and she'll actually do a good job in loving him. Everything happens for a reason, and that's about the only way I can somehow come to terms with what I've done.

Nightmares sometimes become reality,
A walking, living experience you didn't think
Was real, tangible, possible,
Until your fears come true.

Nightmares aren't subject to night,
When all is dark and shadowed;
Sometimes nightmares are set in broad daylight,
Where you can see it all unfold.

Nightmares aren't so cliché,
Where clowns chase you,
You end up naked in public,
Or you're free falling from a cliff.

No, nightmares are becoming
Your worst version of yourself
And imposing that upon others,
And realizing you made their reality a nightmare too.

Nightmares are becoming what used to
Grapple at your feet,
What would pull you down,
And keep you from standing back up.

Nightmares are when the things that hurt you
End up becoming familiar enough that
You hurt other people the same way,
And you're now apart of a cycle.

Nightmares are when you lead
Someone else into your own,
Long enough that you become the nightmare
Rather than just enduring one.

My voice is no mere peep,
No mere iridescent sound overpowered
By the roar of people
Telling me to shut up.

My voice is not a purr or a chirp,
It is not dainty and subtle.
It is not soft or lofty or supple,
It's not like a fuzzy blanket in the middle of winter.

My voice is a brick hitting cement,
It's a siren's wail throughout a quite city,
It's a firetruck screaming as it rolls through
The city to meet it's destination.

My voice is a jet plane taking off,
My voice is an engine starting up,
My voice is a roar like that of a lions-
My voice will echo through your ears down to your core.

My voice is there for a reason;
To be heard,
And by God you'll hear me loud and clear.
You'll hear me over anything you put in my way.

My voice will topple buildings of ignoring,
It will burn down barriers of indifference,
It will destroy blocks of ignorance,
It will be heard, clear and true at whatever the cost may be.

My voice is my own,
Strong and loud, at times to a fault.
I am lucky enough to be able to speak,
And I'm not one to deny myself the pleasure of speaking my **** mind.

Karma decided I hadn't had
A sufficient taste of my own medicine,
So I downed the whole bottle,
And overdosed on my own faults.

Karma decided I hadn't carried
Enough weight in the situation,
So the blocks were stacked high,
Heavy on my shoulders and conscience.

Karma decided I never understood
Just how much my actions ruined others,
So the tables flipped and others did as I had,
And now I'm feeling the full force of those actions.

Karma decided I'd never drowned
In my own lies and deceit,
So she created a pool out of yours,
And threw me in the deep end when I didn't know how to swim.

Karma decided that I was oblivious
To everything you endured,
So she made sure I'd go down the same path,
Alone and angry and cursing myself for all of this.

Karma decided I was deserving
Of all of this,
And I agree.
Karma is a *****, and keeps those like herself in her company.

I now know what it means
To sit in bed and cry
At 12 am because things
Didn't go your way.

I know how it feels
To have what you want
Not be what you need,
Or what you receive.

I know how unreciprocated
Feelings sting for awhile-
I'm on page one,
While you're at least 10 ahead.

I know how it hurts
To have something so close,
Within grasp,
Only to slip away.

I know how it's a teaser,
A taunt saying
"You can look but you can't touch",
And how frustrating that is.

I know how anger bleeds into sadness
When all you want is an answer,
And it never comes,
No explanation.

I know how you felt,
I feel it all now.
I always thought that I had the upper hand
Until now.

I'd know I want to hate you for this,
To knock down your door and
Demand an explanation,
A rhyme for the reason,

But I know that you're gone.
There are no doors to knock upon,
No calls to be made, nothing left of us
Because I threw us away.

I know that we made a 180 in that
You became me,
I became you-
I'm lost and confused and angry and sad.

You're okay,
You're gone,
You're doing you,
You're moving along.

I know that I deserve this,
I really do.
So that forces me to accept
That I don't have the privilege of knowing you.

You shine brighter than stars on a moonless night.
You shine brighter than a lighthouse on the coast, guiding ships to shore.
You shine brighter than a firefly, emitting light with all his might,
You shine like an erupting volcano, bright from the core.

You shine like glass catching rays of sun,
You shine like a child on Christmas day,
You shine like a flashlight creating hands into shadow puppets for fun,
You shine like a sunset, upon the horizon, ready to fade.

You shine, you truly do.
You shine from your heart, through and through
Your entire body and being-
You're the kind of shine I've been seeking.

Photos of you make me smile
Almost as much as you used to make me yourself.

Seeing that you're enjoying yourself is great,
Almost as much as I used to enjoy being with you.

Knowing you're at peace, you're content
Is almost as terrific as how I felt when you'd kiss me goodnight.

Your smile surely lights up your face
Just as a smile used to light up mine when you said you loved me.

Your heart is open and new and refreshed,
Just as I am now that I don't hold it.

Your heart was nice to hold
Until it became too heavy.

It weighed me down, anchored me
To the thought that there was only you.

Trust me, I love you still.
But not as much as I used to.

Trust me, some days I hurt.
But not as much as I used to.

Trust me, we are better off this way,
So much better than we used to be.

I can fondly say that you being happy
Makes me happy also.

It's notably sad that we couldn't be happy together,
But it's okay.

I'm okay, you're okay, we will move forward and move on,
Almost to the point where I forget what you smell like,

To the point where I forget your mannerisms,
Your quirks and faults and tendencies.

But I won't forget your lips on my neck,
Or your love of dancing with me.

I won't forget how much you loved me,
enough to save me until I learned to save myself.

You leaving is actually a testament to how much you helped me;
You saved me so that I could learn to do so independently.

And you left.
And I saved myself.

And I wrote this.
And I smiled.

I smiled, looked at a photo of you,
And smiled again because I know we are happy.

We are separate, happy, and okay.
What more could I ask for?

I never said forever,
Nor did I think that was the time frame
In which you'd leave my life.
I found losing you is such a shame.

I never said disappear
Completely, dissipate into thin air.
I didn't think you would honestly,
But it was no surprise, rather it was fair.

We suffer consequences from actions
Consistently, all the time,
And I just didn't realize
Losing you would be mine.

I never said that I'd miss you.
I never even really said good bye.
I never said I wish you the best,
I never said I'm sorry for orchestrating lies.

I never said my apologies for
Creating a web of false hope
That trapped you, and now that you're free
I don't really know how to cope.

I never said how much you meant
To me, or how much I really care.
I never said any of it and it'll remain so,
My lungs never made those thoughts into air.

I never said a lot that pertained
To how important you were
And maybe still are. I'm sorry,
Of only that I am sure.

It's comforting to
Know that though you are far from
Me, literally,

Metaphorically,
We still reside under the
Same sky, the same stars.

It's all we have in
Common these days, and that's fine,
So long that you know

The stars are the ways
I miss you, the sky as vast
As holes in my heart.

We are not talking,
So I made a list of all
The things I wanted

To say to you, and
It's quite long but I'll sum it
Up with "I miss you".

It's so weird how seconds change what's been going on for years. The idea that people, relationships and circumstances are like sand in your cupped hands until you spread your fingers and ****! it all slips away in a matter or seconds. You can try to pick the sand back up but you'll never get the same sand. Once you let that kind of stuff slip everything changes, and it's so amazing and frightening that constants can subside in a matter of moments.

If you're going to kiss me,
Do it with ease.
Lightly place your lips upon
Me as you please.

If you're going to wrap me up
In your arms and hold my frame,
Envelope me whole,
Using your comforting hold to stake claim.

If you're going to wipe away my tears
With your index fingers and palms,
Flick them away and whisper to me
Sweet nothings, in efforts to keep me calm.

If you're going to sleep by my side,
Trace circles along my spine
Until I fall asleep in peace,
Feeling safe and sublime.

If you're going to say you love me,
Even when I'm a mess,
Mean it with every breath you use
To prove you love me best.

If you're going to laugh at me
When I dance barefoot in the streets,
By all means, just join me please;
Dance to the sounds of my heart beats.

If you're going to make me fall so hard
Because you do all of the things I require,
Be sure to stay for awhile
Because you lit my heart up into a passionate fire.

Rather it's not a matter of if,
But a question of what you fail to do;
You endure all and remain my rock-
I would not survive if not for you.

Pack up your things,
Pack up your dreams,
Pack up your courage,
We're ready to leave.

We are ready to leave the comfort
Of our homes and routines;
We are ready to leave behind
All that steals our time, fleeing the feinds.

We are ready to explore
And walk out on our own
Into the great world,
To places unknown.

We are ready to only leave
Our foot prints where we walked,
We are ready to only carry memories
Of those with whom we have talked.

New places, new experiences;
That's all we crave
New voices, new faces;
To leave behind the familiar ones mean you have to be brave.

Pack up your bags,
Leave behind your doubts.
Embrace the unknown with open arms,
Walk with confidence and curiosity down your new route.

Pack up your life.
Store it under your bed, leave it behind,
Because once you get out in the world,
You'll realize there is so much more to find.

My skin is speckled
With small, dainty brown spots
Formed by genetics and
Too much sun exposure, too little sunscreen over the years.

Someone once called them angel kisses,
Indications where lips can fall
And rest momentarily,
Just as the angels did to create them.

They freckle my body
Like stars plastered across the sky;
Randomly placed, no real order.
Like ornaments, they are little imperfections to decorate me.

If you'd like,
If you'd please,
Kiss them one by one,
Connecting them into constellations.

Trace your lips along the spots
To form the Big Dipper,
Libra and Orion's Belt.
Your lips become thread this way,

Weaving through these marks
To sew me up, keep me together.
Your lips created a stitch,
Making me your personal constellation.

I'll shine as bright as those stars,
Gleam and glow in the dark as you kiss the spots
Across the landscape that is me,
Your lips ignited them into constellations,

And I'd never felt so *alive.

I'd stay up late to write poetry, talk to someone I care a lot about, watch a good movie, listen to a new album, look at the stars, ponder my life, walk around my neighborhood, wait up for my dad to get home so I can tell him I appreciate how he works late to support my family.

Then again, you won't see me stay up too late to finish homework these days. Granted I'm a senior and homework was never too much of a priority in the first place, but I just don't care enough. Homework doesn't fill me like poetry or nightly walks do.

My point is that the things you care most about, the things you are passionate about keep you up at night; these things are worth losing sleep over. These things override your basic need to sleep, and if that isn't an indication to what is important to you then I don't know what is. Because on a lighter note, sleep is pretty high up on my list of "Things I care about".

You're waiving your white flag
With less than enough effort
To convince me you are done.

I know your heart is desheveled, crumpled
Into a ball of torn misery between
What to do with me.

You need space, you can't fathom space.
You need time, you won't take the time.
You need peace, I make it hard to obtain that.

So if you feel a force underneath your elbow,
Pushing your arm high enough to see
That you're waiving that flag in my face,

Know it's me pushing you there.
Know I'll hold your elbow there for so long,
And walk away once you have enough strength to keep it there.

I'll push your elbow up
So you can push me away,
And walk down the path you've been hesitant to tread.

Hold strong with that white flag,
Keep it high enough so I can see it in the distance
As I look back at you, up tall and unwavering.

The end of summer rolls around,
As do their suitcases and bags
Down hallways and airport security,
Headed to the next destination.

The end of summer comes too fast,
Like the hugs you receive as someones leaves,
As they walk away and drive off,
Headed to the next best thing.

The end of summer is melancholy;
The sun fades faster than how many friends remain
Because they're all ready to run away,
Headed to the beginning of their new lives.

The end of summer hurts my heart
In the same way goodbyes sting my eyes
Because my friends are all leaving,
Headed off to grow and learn and achieve it all.

The end of summer is more than a season to me;
It's the end of the line for my friends,
It's the end of seeing them whenever,
Because they're headed off to make something of themselves.

And for that,
I'll watch my friends leave
With the heaviest and proudest heart.

The end of summer may take them away,
But it can't take away how much I love them,
With every ounce of my heart.

Distant in miles,
Distant is space,
Though my love will withstand it all;
That is something distance cannot erase.

I want my love to be thread,
And my intent to be a needle
To sew your broken parts up,
To make you whole again.

I want my words to be tape
To your ripped up hope.
I want my embrace to be your staple,
Reconstructing your being.

I want to find all of the pieces
You hid away in the back of your heart,
The dusty pieces in the corners of your soul,
And fit them together to make you whole.

I'd wrap you up with all my love,
All my effort and strength if it meant
That you would be all there,
If it meant you'd be okay.

I want to be all of these things,
But I am actually the stray string on your sweater
That you tugged at, and it left you unraveled,
Naked and bare and cold and open and raw.

I want my love to be a thread,
And my intent to be a needle.
I actually tied you up,
And pierced your heart in the end.

As things are going swimmingly, there's always something that must go wrong.
Something that halts me, stops me, catapults me into the mindset that maybe what I had going wasn't so great; it wasn't great enough to avoid tribulations and issues that cause me to second guess and hesitate to move forward.

As things hit rough waters, there's always something that keeps me afloat.

And how can the one thing keeping me afloat within my life be so terrific and profound yet scary and daunting and silencing?

You are like a buoy tied to an anchor, you keep me afloat but you still bob below the surface and this roller coaster is all over the place and it's taking me everywhere I didn't even think I could handle going.

I need you, I don't want you, I have you, I miss you, I seek you, I crave you, I lie to you, I lie next to you, I hold you, I push you away. Our relationship is a paradox.

And I only have myself to blame for that I suppose.

It is really inspiring and noteworthy when you choose to channel your pain into athleticism, art, music, etc. rather than letting it get the best of you.

It is making the best of the worst, a way of defying pain and not allowing it to keep you down for too long.

I think it is a beautiful way of dealing with pain; letting it effect you to an extent but not take control. You allow pain to move you, inspire your work, and make something beautiful out of it.

It's like taking an old house and fixing it back up, good as new. That is what we do with our hearts. We feel pain, we find an outlet; after, our hearts are as good as new, possibly wiser and smarter too.

So run 10 miles, work long days, write poetry, sketch til your fingers ache, sing until you feel the pain seep out of you and into your work. Once it is in your work, it is gone from you and you're free. Your pain is now gone and something beautiful, and that is really something amazing.

It's a **** shame
I put you in my picture frames
Next to my bed
Where, every night, I lay my head.

It's utter irony
That you would lie to me
Every time you said
We would always be friends.

It's really painful
That we became so dull,
So distant in mind and heart.
We're torn apart.

It's rather sad
That all of the times we had
Dissipated, flew off far away,
Leaving us with no words to say.

It's crashing down upon me like waves on the shore
That what we used to be is no more,
That fears became reality and you changed.
So I'll take you out of my picture frames.

To empathize and sympathize
Rather than criticize and publicize
Issues that cause fissures in his foundations
Keeping him upright and safe from tribulations
Is so much more rare.

To listen and disengage
From all else but whoever is speaking so he has the stage
Will help release him from the cage
Of hopelessness, loneliness, and ridicule;
Doing so shows you care.

To comfort and support and love
Will demolish all fears and rise above
What bogs him down so far into his heart and mind
That he feels he is lost, he can't find
His breath, choked by a lack of air.

To provide and subside
All of your own problems, to let them slide
Even if momentarily, for another human being;
In doing so, you are growing, learning and seeing
That love and compassion were meant to share.

I spent an hour in bed
Cuddled up, thoughts of you in my head
I spent an hour pondering about you
And realized that you haven't a clue

I spent an hour in bed
Feeling sleepy and heavy as lead
Because sometimes I let myself emulate my feelings
And lay around, staring at the ceiling

I spent an hour in bed
As quiet as if I were dead
Because my thoughts are swimming
Therefore, my demons are winning

I am watching people slip through my fingers
Like beads of sand on a beach.

I am watching memories wash away
Like waves roll in and out, leaving no remains.

I am watching common ground disappear
Like the sun sets over the sea.

I am watching things I love float away
Like a beach ball blown away, out of my reach.

I am watching passions I pursued subside
Like the sunshine at the end of the day wanes.

I am watching everything we had drown in an ocean of confusion and cowardice,
It all drowns until there is nothing left to see.

The ocean swallowed me whole,
And sent me back to shore,
Empty handed and empty inside,
Hollow to my core.

The ocean entangled me in seaweed
And entrapped me in love.
I panicked, cut myself free
And resurfaced above.

The ocean's salt burnt my wounds,
Reminded me that they were there.
The reminder that you're gone now,
And none of it is fair.

Since when were collar bones and flat stomachs and coy smiles and clear skin and *** appeal and thigh gaps more appealing than trust and consideration and effort and love and patience and forgiveness and appreciation?

Fall for traits within a person rather than traits you can see. Fall for what can be demonstrated rather than what constitutes to a person's outward appearance. You can be beautiful, or you can demonstrate why you're beautiful. I believe whole heartedly that inner beauty can come through and shine just as bright, but outward beauty cannot penetrate your soul and make it so.