i have always fantasized about love
about being loved,
loving someone,
and bringing love into the world.
i have always worried that
i was unlovable
because
who would want to love
someone with so many
scars
&
bites
&
burns
&
open wounds?
someone who still fantasizes about love
when they have never seen it
outside of a fantasy

both of us
must grow
and change
at our own
pace
i just hope
that we
will always
come back
to the same
place
together

since i’ve been back
i have been writing less
i have been enjoying my experiences-
enjoying every day,
enjoying the company
this place brings me peace
and love
since i’ve been back
i have been loving myself more
and
i have been writing less

you always thank me

for being nice to you

but the earth does not thank the sun

for illuminating the sky

i wonder what it’s like to be tall
to stand tall
to see the world from above
if i was tall
i wouldn’t want anyone to feel small

last night
you tried to get under my skin again
pushing,
pulling,
poking,
prodding at me
but
last night
i did not let you through
instead
i acknowledged your existence
and did my best to carry on

the way you look at me
sparks a fire inside of me
just from your eyes
i feel wanted
there aren’t words
to describe
how much i love you
the love i feel for you
is exceptional and
big and
warm and
inviting and
i understand why people write about
love
now
i get it
because if you

i wish you did not have so much power over me
i don’t want to feel unsure
i want to be confident in my actions
but you take
every shred of dignity
i once had
and
continuously beat me
until i am on the ground
unconscious
unable to beg for mercy
unable to pick myself up again
i wish you did not have so much power over me
instead
i wish i had the power
to make it all go away

being around you
is easily
one of the best
feelings
in the world
but when we are apart
it physically hurts me
how
do i live my life
without you
constantly
by my side?
how do i
fulfill
my hopes and dreams
without molding
you
into them?
how do i make it
hurt
less?