The blood that bleeds
It bleeds and leaks
Emotions pour out
Releases the doubt
Down your arm
Its calling out
That shiny blade
It screams and screams
LET ME OUT
Your cares and dreams
Wanna shout
Take me out
Push me in
Deeper and deeper
Your getting weaker
You can't refuse
Nothing to lose
Emotions drain
With every slice
Feeling alive
For that pain
You can't deprive
And when it dries
You cry and cry
You see that blade
Calling out
CUT THE PAIN AWAY
Just breakout
Checkout of life
Slice to bleed
Bleed to slice
Roll the dice
Take a chance
Stop the pain
Of sharp romance
Another way
Not today
Its no coincidence
Its confidence
Believe
Not in a crisp blade
In chances and life
Drop the knife
Its not your friend
This is the beginning
That's the end

Every day I walk
to school
in short shorts and
black socks,
black shoes,
a black sweatshirt and
a black bandana woven beneath
golden blonde hair.

And on days when
the sun blazes
turning concrete into
rivers
they wonder.

Did I etch into my skin
the silver ink
of shame and
alienation?

Do the words
and the hurt still
run liquid red beneath the
heavy black fabric?

They are so quick
to judge and call me
‘Emo’ or
‘Goth,’
to think that I
would take up the sword
against myself and
inscribe a history
of self-hate or
perpetual misery.

But they’re never stopped
to consider--

maybe even on hot days
the icy bite of loneliness
clings to my limbs
and never leaves, or that

perhaps I want to be invisible,
fade into the shadows
like the very essence of my
self-esteem and dignity

only shadows of what I
used to be.

A dream of hidden death,
Embedded in her flowers –
Dripping; drenched in nectar tears

Now the dream of dying soul;
Confined, a trembling heart is
Squeezing out the ember years

And in her dream of youth,
Abounding buttocks writhe,
Acting out the careless dares

But the dream of hideous beauty:
Self-delusion, begging fears

Evolving from an agonising birth, her
Blacker days eclipsing; draining worth

‘So ugly living calls to die –
Forever in the dreams I cry! ’

****** debt; a laughing lie
Were done for her –
A blade for sure!
The dreams to cure!

A calming sigh…

And in a smile of pain
She bled and waned
Her cold pathetic bye

Some call is crazy
Some say that it's sick
But I think it's freedom
The pain is fierce but quick
Some say that it's a sin
Just a little to risque
but it helps release the pain
That i go through every day
The blade is sharp and cold
As it runs across my skin
Leaving me to ponder
And decide how deep to cut in
The icy chill running down my spine
Makes me feel at ease
I no longer feel like a coward
**** up on everything with every breath i breathe
But some days i want to stop
Feeling like everything's wrong
Trying to let go of the blade
Sometimes i can but not for long
It's like i'm addicted to the pain
The feeling taking refugee in my veins
Leaving me feeling confused and alone
Wiping at the streaked tears that seem to be stained
Burned into into my skin forever
Becoming a part that i cannot escape
Sometimes i just want to hurt all over
To scream at the top of my lungs until the break
I want my escape from my sadness
It's taking over me
Why can't i just rest
Why won't it let me be
I just want to be free.

You looked at me
Then said I looked gloomy walking these halls
I said nothing what I could have said was scary
Could have said look at my wrists you'll see the hurt
Look in my mind and see the evil depression and suicidal thoughts
Look at my eyes and see the pain filled tears drip from them like a river
Look at my mouth and see the fake smile pressed upon my lips
Hear my words of lies spill never ending from my mouth trying to hide it all
Feel my pulse race when you grab ahold of me and get close
The way my checks flush and I start to shake in fear and confusion
This is not what I'm expecting
Lips hit mine softly but become fiercer and hungry
I'm lost within this kiss and within muddled depths of my mind
Even with fear coursing through my every vein
I can feel the presence of pleasure lurking behind it all
You finally pull away out of breath and look at me ever so softly
I see the love and the hurt in your eyes
The way you try and hide it from me
How could this girl you love  be so...gone or perhaps the  word is lost
She think the exact opposite you say  beautiful she says ugly
Skinny; fat it'll be ok ; never thinks she's gonna make it through the day
You say the only thing you know could have hope of helping/working
"I love you" but today the opposite effect happens
She jerks away hides her face, pulls away like you've slapped her
New fresh hot tears stream from her already warm glistening eyes
You don't know why with every touch she still resists
Then you see the scars buried too deep within her wrists
You don't know what to do
So you sit holding on to her with everything you've got left
She's pulling away trying to escape a confrontation she thinks is coming
She doesn't see what happens next
You use everything ounce of strength you've got left to tug her face to face yours
You don't know what to do anymore but you refuse to give up
You feel so ****** helpless
So you try again and hope that this time it makes it through
You tell her "I LOVE YOU" softly
Then pull her close for a long passionate and unexpected kiss
You feel her warm tears spilling never ending from her eyes
Yet she makes no move to pull away
She's hanging on to you like it's the only thing she gots left
That's when it hits you that it's true she's got nothing left to fight for
She's really given up
She's hanging on from you and you alone
But it's slipping every time she looks back
Her grip loosening
Not a second goes by that she doesn't wish to commit suicide
Or cut or do anything something to take the  pain away
Make this pain and hurt disappear
Just to make herself stop breathing
To just keep bleeding and bleeding
Bleed till the blood runs out
Maybe then just maybe she wouldn't be filled with so much doubt with so much pain and confusion
Then again.......maybe not.
But hell it's worth it to find out right?

I am a girl that everyone knows
Beautiful grin, no worries or woes
Laugh is one you'll never forget
I'm living in my past debt
I  hate my body, say I am fat
I  shouldn't hate myself, but don't know that
I'm the girl with the biggest smile
Nobody knows I  force up bile
Feels worthless, ugly, abandoned, wasted
No one knows the tears I have tasted
Cry myself to sleep at night
But smiles again once it is bright
I pull the blade across my skin
Takes comfort in the pain that I'm in
I love the sight of my own blood
I want to see the beautiful flood
I once said I wished I was dead
I meant it, wasn't just in my head
I am that girl that nobody knows
Inside my walls I'm forever enclosed

Here I lie, in my darkened room
Thinking of you, as I often do.
Letting my mind wander its hallowed halls
Hearing your voice, its welcoming calls
The soft gentle rasp of your deep toned voice
Knowing it's you, my one true choice.
I run towards your shadow with longing eyes
But you always ascend from me, into the skies.
The angel you are, yet you can't see.
The mere sight of you seems to always amaze me.
The ways your eyes glisten and swim so dear
They look like an ocean, pure and clear
I look at your face, my gaze to your lips
That grow more addicting with every kiss.
This is what I see as I lie in the night
As I wait for the day we escape in sweet freedom's flight