She gets me completely,
where other people don’t,
where I thought people never could
She sees my energy and matches or raises it,
she’s here for me forever,
she doesn’t fail to help when I need it-
even without asking
And she tries her **** best to be “good enough”
as if she isn’t already so perfect-
So perfect that I don’t think I deserve her.

I was honest—
not in speeches or long explanations,
but in the way I stayed
through every crack in your story.
In the way I gave when I had nothing left.
In the way I let you blame me
just to keep your world from falling apart.

I smiled when I felt like screaming.
Laughed when I wanted to disappear.
Listened while my own voice
got quieter and quieter.

You said I held you back.
Maybe I did—
but only from burning down
the last bit of peace you had left.
I stood between you and the edge
and let you tell yourself it was my fault
the cliff existed in the first place.

And still, I stayed.

But that version of me—
the one who bent
so you could feel less broken—
he’s done.

I’m not going to pretend anymore.
Not for you.
Not for anyone.
Because pretending made me forget
that I mattered, too.

I was honest,
even in silence.
Especially in silence.
But now honesty looks like walking away—
without a speech,
without a scene,
without regret.

I watched a movie today
It was good
Somehow I managed to find myself in it
Actually
I found you first

The female lead looked just like you
Just less hot and less pretty
She had a temper
Like someone we know
The guy said she needed therapy though
So some roles were reversed
Still true tho

It was weird
It made me long for you more
Yet it reminded me of everything
All the things I’ve done
Said
Felt

I’m realizing I’m not flawed
It’s okay to put in your all
The failure is just a reason to fit in better
I’m not struggling
I know my audience
I can’t choose who listens to me
Who makes me feel safe

I don’t wish you didn’t
I’ve thought that a lot
I don’t want you to stay away
I just want things to be uncomplicated
Can you punch freshman me
Really hard
I hate myself for it
That’s my only mental health issue rn
And my brain’s disfunctioning without you

Truth is
I’ve thought of what I’d say
If you asked for me to come back
For the fourth time…
I thought: sorry I’m not trying to be led towards another heartbreak
Please, I can’t do the cheating thing
What, so your mom can ground you permanently and shoot me?
But really
My answer would be
[in invisible ink]
{Let me grab a new number}

I know you won’t see this
I think you’d be disgusted
I’m worried it’ll **** me to never know
I feel like my feelings are never going

Every woman I talk to feels like cheating
If they’re taken or not
Funny
Didn’t bother me with us

I guess what I’m saying is
We did so much wrong
So much
We broke records
People hate me for not listening
For “being blind”
And I’m certain my answer is-
That no matter what the situation is
No matter the awkwardness
I find my way to you
And that’s all that matters

So
I hate the world
I despise the haters
I still love you
And I’m sorry I didn’t say it more
Even if you couldn’t
You deserved it
I promised everything
I never stopped wanting to
And I’ll always regret it

My mom said to me
I’ll be the one who got away
I always thought-
It’s the opposite
Could it be
It’s the same for us both?

Well
You can’t
You won’t
You shouldn’t…
But if you ever see this
It’s still true
Even if I’m dating again
Idk
Ask me
Make me cry
It’s okay
I deserve it
I shouldn’t have hurt you
It was just sudden
The heartbreak I promised wouldn’t happen
The last heartbreak I’m going to endure
It’s not worth it if it’s not you

I’m sorry you’ll wake up to this
I’m sorry you can’t fix everything
I’m sorry for this whole crisis
I’m sorry it’s tiring for you to be anything

I’m sorry I miss you so much
I’m sorry I say I love you so often
I’m sorry you can’t feel my touch
I’m sorry it’s hard to get me to soften

But I’m truly sorry for the pain I can’t fix
Because I know some of it is love’s tricks

Your eyes whispered sweet dreams to me
Impossible to ignore-
Nor look away
Deep blue
But reflecting the treasures they store

I missed looking at you
Laughing with you
I missed that look you gave me
Maybe I just missed you

I desired to kiss you
And I’ll be honest-
That’s why I tapped you with my soda
Because if I can’t lay my hand on your cheek
I’ll settle with you knowing I’m there

I don’t want you to go
So I’m writing to you here

We said goodnight
We used our old emoji
I missed our old emoji
I miss you

The past few hours have been a dream
Imagining life in the far future with you
It didn’t feel like a wish
It felt like the probable outcome
And I for one
Can’t wait for what’s in store for us

Writing poetry in bed, hiding our screens
Not because we won’t see it later
But because we don’t want to spoil the surprise

Talking you down when you’re upset
Supporting you when you’re sad
Laughing with you when we’re happy
I never thought I’d find these things
But I’ve found them with you

I don’t want to lose the moments we have making music
I don’t want you to let go of who you are because it’s not what everyone sees
I see you
And I want to be the person encouraging you to stay you
The true Eliza I fell in love with
The Eliza I am in love with-
Will always be in love with

I miss you
But that’s alright
I’m just reminiscing-
Our old future memories

I raise my hands to shield the blinding sun,
Watch the disc float clean over my head.
I reach, I snag, and the field erupts—
Applause breaking like sunlight through the clouds.

This, I think, is what life should feel like:
Coming home still dusted in sweat,
Laughing with my mom,
Devouring dinner like I’ve never eaten before.

For once, I’m not fading into the background.
I’m someone.
A name that matters.
A face that knows who to smile for.
A heart I’m learning to steady.
A mind I’m letting grow.

I’m not a burden.
Sure, I’m not always the center.
Sometimes I’m even cast as the villain.
But I make a difference.
I’m going somewhere real.

I need to stop running back to broken places.
Life isn’t ruin—it’s a gift.
And I’m done living lies.
I like being free.

Free from the chaos.
Free from the drama.
Free from the weight of a world
That never really saw me right.

I like when I feel light.
Like I’m not carrying every version of who I used to be.
Like I’m not being rewritten by someone else’s sadness.
But instead, writing myself into something better.

I want laughter that echoes.
Not silence that waits for me to fill it.
I want arms that hold me as I am.
Not ones that grip tighter when I start to slip away.

I’m not perfect, but I’m trying—
Trying to be softer with myself.
Trying to forgive what I didn’t deserve.
Trying to stop apologizing for healing out loud.

Let the ones who misunderstood stay confused.
Let the chapters they twisted stay closed.
I’ve got new ones to write,
With more truth, less weight,
And a lot more light.

“She’s literally the hottest person I know”

“I can’t look at her and not want her”

It’s not just emotional, I’m so attracted to her”

“I know I’ll never feel this way about someone else physically”

“It’s not just that she’s hot, it’s that when I see her, I feel it everywhere. Like I need to be near her”

“She gets me in a way no one else even tries to”

“I feel seen with her, not watched, just understood”

“It’s like she knows the version of me that I’m still trying to become”

do you think i’m going to be okay?
You’ll be okay, life has its hurdles.
do you think this is going to hurt less?
No, I think for you it’s just gonna be like it was before, and I’m just gonna have to get used to losing you again.
do you think maybe it’s better if i die?
Definitely not. Then we die. It’s a stupid chain.
do you think i deserve it?
Death? No.
do you think i will ever heal from this?
Obviously. Time heals all wounds.
do you think you will?
Sometimes people are ignorant and don’t want to heal because living in the past is happier than forgetting the unforgettable.
do you think class is going to be weird?
I’m not sure, I have to decide how I want to approach the fact that if I’m nice you can get in trouble.
do you think everyone is thinking “we were right”?
Like, that this should’ve happened? No. There’s no result. People remain unhappy and the world keeps spinning. But at least you’re safe or whatever, because we both know what it really was like, if only us.
do you think i’ll ever talk to you again?
I can’t answer that. I think that’s a family discussion (Ill placed joke I know, but lighten up).
do you think one day your words will stop haunting me?
Dunno, I just know everything won’t stop haunting me because you’re always gonna be my everything, the light goes out when you’re gone so don’t die, even if you’re metaphorically gone.

Checking the home page each writing session
Remembering I don’t get notified by you
Having to click your past poems to see your profile
That’s a bad habit

Staying up at night
Overthinking my life
All my mistakes
Everyone’s point of view
Just for things to stay the same
That’s a bad habit

Buying food for friends
Every day
Even though my money is short
That’s a bad habit

Thinking about all my moments with you
Most not even in person
Standing in front of the Disney banner texting
Or you calling me grimace’s foot
You complaining about your skin tone
My rants about you
I’ll still be honest
It was true
That’s a bad habit

Missing things
That came in terrible eras
Like, worst timing
Is it because the chaos made me feel things
Or because I had real definite trust
Either way
That’s a bad habit

I’m gonna break my cycles
Figure out what I can do to keep me afloat
I want to stop relying on others
And quit excusing myself
My head isn’t messed up
My perception is
The therapist was right
that’s a bad habit

“Bien”
Like I’m even close to okay

My Spanish test is next Thursday
But you wouldn’t know
You don’t know me
Not anymore

Today felt real
And I know we’re real
But it didn’t feel like living off a chance
It felt like we were living now

I’ve been dreaming of us for years
Caring about you for months
Talking to you for weeks
But today was somehow different
You showed me vulnerable
And it clicked
You’re not talking to me
The weird kid
The boy who can’t do anything right
You’re talking to Sean
The projected confidence
The bundle of odd talent
And many things I personally wouldn’t call myself

But now I know
Who I really am
Because you see Sean for who he is
And I want to too

It’s freezing
I’m dying
My lips are cracking throughout
My nose won’t stop running
And that ******* kid has the room key
If he could just answer his phone
I’d have time to grieve
Instead of this ****

Again
I get it
And I’m sorry
Obviously I didn’t mean that
The initial anger has been built up
Every complaint I walked you through
Knowing if you chose me
Which was impossible
Things had to be this way
I guess

It hurts to hurt for someone
While they hurt
And they wouldn’t if it was you

So yeah
To put it all together
I love you
And there’s nothing that can stop it
There’s also one person who can start it
And it can’t be done
I know
I shouldn’t have let you convince me
I knew it wouldn’t happen

And by the way
No shot you mentioned me saying I won’t let you leave easily
The only reason I do is FOR you

But I’m not mad
I care
Way too ******* much
I just hurt
We all do
That’s life
I guess

Don’t forget

I play for you too
All the writing is about you
Every note is feeling you
Even if you don’t ever hear it
It’s still for you

Something you ask a lot
Is how I manage to keep seeing you wrong
I don’t think that’s it though
I see you how you want me to see you
Everything is perfect
Even things you’d argue aren’t great
I love every inch I’ve seen
And I’d like to explore all of you
If that’s alright

We hide our feelings
In invisible ink
Not because we don’t want to share
But we intend to keep it private

It’s permanent
We’re here to stay
But we temporarily show ourselves
Filling lines in every corner
And to everyone else
They see a blank paper

I don’t though
I have the ability to see your ink
A purple light to reveal our purple thoughts
And I think they’re beautiful
Do you think so too?

I can’t remember
The last time I felt like this

Sitting in my room
Nothing to do
But listen to my stomach growl
It wants food
Not pudding, apple sauce, or apple juice
I’m never having a milkshake again

And me?
I want to live my life
Play music
Eat meals
Not sit around
Covered in aching pain
Spitting blood into the sink

Why does life have to always hurt
Can’t we put a bandaid on it
I thought they fix all wounds

I wish I knew
How much-
Just how much you had loved me
I could’ve saved us pain
Even if I couldn’t manage everything
I could’ve managed us

We’re okay now
The storms have passed
But it hurts
Because I loved you
More than anything
So much-
I don’t even think I knew what it meant-
At least-
Until now
And yet
I didn’t know
You were there too

I read your old poems
The ones about me
Maybe sometimes for me
Even knowing I couldn’t read them

I wish I did
I wish I grabbed your hand at practice
Pulled you towards me
Gave in to temptation
At least if I had
You would’ve known sooner
We could’ve started sooner

Our love is here to last
But why-
Why did the universe choose us
Do we really deserve this
Does it matter
I want this
We’re taking it

Other girls are just people. Eliza is… her. She doesn’t leave my head. She’s the motivation for me to live, the reason I want to live my life, the source of my hearts love. Everything about her screams the most intense levels of attraction, and I wouldn’t spend a second trying to find something not scorching hot, I’ll take being in awe. She amazes me, how someone so perfect can exist, and I know I’m lucky to have met her, because she’s not that girl you dream of and forget…. she’s the eternal dream you can’t ever let go.

I used to search through my purchases
Before the months passed too soon
I’d count the days from each that you left
The further I got, the more lost I felt

When the day came
That April 20th and April 22nd faded
My dinner with my friends marking the night before
I lost it
I convinced myself you were better without me
I told myself I wasn’t deserving

It didn’t make it easier to feel it

Our bond

Which lasts through all rough and tough
There’s no way I keep going without you
And I don’t mean that in a disastrous way
I’m always here, you’re always there

It’s us

And I’m glad we’re not tied to pain
I’m no longer cursed
I’m found

I thought we were over
That day people spread my name-
Like a curse
It scared me shitless
But you listened
You stayed
And I love you more for it

You’re the sun when the day feels gray,
burning gold through every cloud in my way.
When I’m lost in the silence of my own storm,
your warmth is the only thing keeping me warm.

Your beauty doesn’t beg, it just is,
a quiet kind of magic wrapped in bliss.
Like the light spilling over a sleeping town,
you don’t even try—and still, I drown.

Your eyes are oceans, deep and true,
not just blue—the blue I never knew.
Every glance pulls me out past shore,
makes me forget what I was hurting for.

Your voice is a hush the world can’t fake,
like angels resting in the breath they take.
It smooths the sharp edges of my mind,
like wind through the trees, soft and kind.

When you’re near, the world slows down,
like time kneels to you, lays down its crown.
Even silence feels more alive when you speak,
a whisper from you makes my knees go weak.

I don’t need answers, I don’t need signs—
I’ve already found all I need in your lines.
The sun, the sea, the voice I knew—
they’ve always been you, just you.

we didn’t name this,
but we both know the shape of it.
soft i love yous
hid between poems and half-jokes,
tucked in between messages
that mean more than they say.

she says she can’t give me
what i deserve right now,
and maybe she’s right.
but i’ve never been the type
to count losses
when i already found
what i wasn’t looking for.

we’re not clean,
not easy,
not ready—
but we’re here.
still writing,
still hoping,
still stupid enough
to believe in something
even when we’re not allowed to hold it loud.

it’s not perfect.
it’s not public.
but it’s ours.

and there’s nowhere—
nowhere at all—
i’d rather be.

Still here
Still dying
Still me
Still

Still

….so……alone……

It’s all the same
The notes form the same old melodies we hear each class
Doc conducts as he always does
We’re in the same spot-
Right next to one another

But this time
I don’t hear the music
I hear your desires
I hear the thoughts of me in your head
I hear your heart pleading for mine

And my heart begins to reciprocate
Throbbing faster than the beat of the music
Harder than the mallets hit the marimba
Louder than the trumpets
I start to lose control
I’m playing the music
But all I can think about is how badly I want you

And then I mess up
I missed the key change
And you give me a side eye-
Before we break out laughing
I didn’t even process doc might’ve noticed
All I could think about-
Was how much I love you

Soon after-
The song ended
And we packed our bags
All I could think was-
I can’t wait till I see her again
I can’t wait to feel love again

E starts your name off strong
It’s a beautiful signature
I’d only say that for you though

L adds curiosity
What could the rest be-
Everyone now wants to know
It’s also a cute letter
You know the person is special

I
Now that one I like!
It’s the second syllable
And somehow it brings everything together
Making a beautiful formation

Z
Z….
It’s so **** gorgeous
Pretty sure your name determines that
You’re so **** gorgeous
I think your eyes have Z in them
The way they sparkle and shine
I miss when they turned purple

And A
To finish out one perfectionist of a name
This one completes you
It provides the characteristics
The faults-
But I see through it
I know all your letters

Before I ever felt love,
There was purple.
Purple was the night we started talking,
Purple was each message we sent,
Purple was the infinite care you provided,
Purple was the time we had to talk.

Purple became my life.
Before I could think,
I was purple at home,
Purple with friends,
Purple at school,
Purple on a snow day,
Purple with you.

I gave up video games,
They weren’t purple.
Anything not purple no longer mattered.
Music wasn’t purple,
But I thought about purple,
Every note emphasized with purple.

And purple.
Baby,
Purple is you.
It was just my favorite color.
I never imagined it’d be the heart I sent 💜,
The contact color of my lover,
The color I see when I think of love.

But here we are,
In a world that doesn’t accept us.
But I see it,
Do you?
The purple light?
Girl,
It’s shining,
And it’s you.

You called me hot
Attracting all the butterflies
Who knew being so vulnerable
Could feel so right

You called my eyes gold
When I stepped out of the car to buy clothes
But I told you they were just hazel
Yet you insisted I was gold

Today was typical
I got the sax out
Pressed play
Started learning my solos

But the music, my air, it came over me
I closed my eyes for a second, and in the next moment I was standing up by the window, a beam of sunlight blinding me
So I closed my eyes again
I wanted to see as I felt in the moment

This time I imagined an audience
For some reason though, I couldn’t care less about them
My parents, or siblings, or even the director
I just wanted you to hear it
To see golden boy with his golden sax

And when I opened my eyes
I saw myself in the tv reflection
Not the stupid insecure boy
But the golden boy you love

It’s funny
I used to be so insecure
And when I met you
I was convinced I didn’t have a chance
Yet somehow
You convinced me to find good in myself-
To be confident of it

You made me a better person
Just by detailing the real me
Changing me completely-
Yet staying the exact same

What a memorable smell
I don’t like it
Sunscreen is icky
Takes me forever to rub in
And it doesn’t really help
I burn and tan

But
This morning
Sitting in the car with my brother
It felt like freshman bandcamp
Standing in the sun
Staring you down as I covered my eyes with my arms
Pretending to be performing whilst I imagine what we could be

It reminded me of my exit from my Sophomore slump
Getting a month of peace
Of wonders
Of promises
Even if only temporary
It’s forever changed me
Because I can hold on to hope

But who am I kidding
I’m writing about sunscreen

Then again
I’d much rather write about you

It’s always about you

I’ll never understand,
The first love theory.
Because,
How could someone like me,
Ever let go of you,
Even the thought of you?
My answer,
Is and will be,
I don’t.

I’m self centered for ignoring your feelings
I’m selfish for only seeing my pain
I’m self deprecating for believing the worst
I’m stupid for not telling you how I felt

I thought you were happy
I felt like I was some unwanted safe space
I believed everything real you preferred
I ignored everything you had told me

And you said it again
Yet I took the wrong intent
Now I feel dumb and sorry
I made it harder for you to break the silence

I’m reworking my thoughts
I’m reorganizing my feelings
I hope you can forgive me
I won’t make that mistake again

I always wondered
When you’d let me see your poetry account
You said it was too personal
I didn’t realize
That meant it was all about me

But now I know
I’ve seen it all
You have nothing to hide-
At least, from me

So where are you
How are you
I talk to you all day
We check up on me
I walk you through the darkest nights
But I don’t know what’s going on

Am I good for you
Am I helping with anything
Would it be easier
If you had one depressed person to worry
Instead of two
Is this fair
I’m not sure

All I know

Is I want to be there

For you


-Forever and always yours

Fornever and haven’t in title

Sean

One day
I’m going to tell you I love you
And it won’t be a text
It won’t be in invisible ink
It’ll be to your face
Holding you
And until then
I’ll dream of it every night

I’ll whisper your name before I sleep-
Like a promise
I’ll respond to you first in the morning-
Because you’re the first priority
Just please
Please don’t go again
This time I’m not letting you leave
This time
I’ll be yours
And you’ll be mine

You’re not in danger.
You’re not hurt.
You’re just not here.

And still—
my chest folds like a paper map
creased where your name used to lie.
The silence grows teeth at night,
soft ones,
but they bite.

I know you’re somewhere safe.
Maybe smiling.
Maybe lost in a thought I’ll never hear.
And I don’t want to take that from you.
I just want you near.

When you leave,
it’s not disaster.
But the air doesn’t settle right.
I wait—
not because I’m desperate—
but because nothing fits
without your weight.

I tell myself you’ll be back,
that this is just space,
not distance.
But my hands don’t listen.
They reach anyway.
They always do.

There’s no storm.
No sirens.
Just a slow drip of maybe,
of soon.
Of hoping the next time I blink,
it’ll be you
walking back through the room.

I’m torn
My friends hate me
My name is being gossiped
I asked what I should do
I was instructed to stay quiet
“I was instructed to stay quiet”

This *****
How do I support a friend
Going through a really rough time
While people blame me
I don’t even care!
About the drama
The dumb band positions
It doesn’t matter

Why am I
Falling victim
Of others’ conflicts

Can I please get a breather
Can the hate texts stop
Can everyone look at me without disgust

I can’t argue
I can’t tell the truth
I can’t defend my friend

I’m torn
In all parts
Left to rot
Like I couldn’t matter
Like I don’t have a soul

I thought this year was horrible
But the more I think about it
I wish I could go back
Not to change my decisions
But to relive it one more time
Knowing things will change
But accepting the beauty of it

I don’t miss her
But sometimes I want a good argument
Sometimes I want the doorbell to ring
Some days I wish I wasn’t in bed alone
And it’s my choice what to do about it
Doesn’t mean I didn’t like it

I miss my friends
And not because I want to hang out
We don’t endlessly call anymore
We don’t make fun of random people
I don’t have my support pals

I miss the musical chaos
Of going to pit every day
Marching band terrors
Learning the jazz band soli
Auditioning for districts
I miss district jazz the most
I loved being with people who knew-
What they were doing-
And what they wanted to do
I miss district band
Resting on her shoulder
Playing classically
The moments were surreal

I want life to be normal
But I don’t want it to change
I wish it could all work out
Like it was

I trace your name across the night sky,
but the stars already know your name.
There’s no way to know for certain which direction you are,
so I spend enough time staring at each angle,
hoping we lock eyes for a second.

Sure I couldn’t tell you how much I miss you,
but I definitely couldn’t describe just how much I love you.
My morning rays of sunshine,
my reliable best friend,
my most comforting night pillow.

I used to think your name like a plea,
Now I come running into your warm embrace.
For my one and only,
my sweet baby,
I love you,
forever and always.

I hold two things close to me in life

Music
The thing I plan to pursue
My goals and accomplishments

And her
The person I love most
My dreams and safe place

Music makes me feel one with my instrument
I’m no longer
Myself
I can be something more
I can be the notes
Bouncing off the walls
Vibrating across the building

But she makes me feel warmth
A warmth nothing else can
A warmth I’ve longed for so long
And now-
That desire is replaced with her
Every time I fall, or jump, or even sit still-
I want her to be there-
To pick me up, or congratulate me, or sit next to me

I like making the saxophone sound warm and fuzzy
It’s my favorite sound to make
My favorite feeling is similar-
It’s the warm fuzziness my heart swells with when she’s here

My two most important things in life
Are music and love
Often intertwined
But don’t be fooled
I’d give up the music in a heartbeat-
To keep this specific love
One where our hearts beat deeper than any metronome can

I love her more than life itself
And to be honest-
I’d fight for her over myself
It’s just how I love her, and only her

I wanted to stay in my dream last night
It didn’t feel like my imagination
You were right there
And so was I
In our house
Filled with laughter and screams of joy
Talking about dumb things
Listening to Dexter

We had a wall of saxophones
I don’t care much about the house though
A dream house means nothing without the person
I guess that’s why the dream stuck with me

I don’t understand
Why does everything have to be drama
Like I don’t enjoy this
I’d rather not cry alone
It was all I wanted
But now that it’s here
I just want it gone

I was thinking earlier
How I have two summers left
Everything I do
Once chance left after
And maybe I won’t do it again

I wonder if this summer will be blue
I assume it’ll be good
Considering my current position
I’m making it without crying at night
But I guess I can’t know
Life has its ups and downs

Hey
Where’d you go
I know where I went
Crazy

I’m dumb
I shouldn’t have let us forget
We’re hurting people
It’s not in our nature to have it good
Dreams are nice
And I’ll hold on to that
But reality is scary
It never remains

Currently
We’re in uncharted territory
With things ending last April
And this past April
Summer was never us
But now we get to fix that

No more crying at night with no one there-
No one to understand
No more seeing you in every room-
Just to remember I won’t see you till band camp

It might be the start to a new era
But there’s something more
Maybe it’s the path to a new normal

My body aches,
In sync with my heart.
Was it forgetting my inhaler,
Or remembering things I hadn’t thought in a week?
Who knows.
I should.

I just know that in all the noise—
the bell ringing,
the half-laughed conversations,
the tired shuffle from one room to another—
I feel alive.

Not the fake kind.
Not the forced smile,
or the “I’m fine” kind of alive.

But the real thing.
Like I’m inside my life again,
not just watching it happen from somewhere far off.

Even the ache feels honest.
Even the thoughts I don’t want,
they pass without clawing.
I let them go.

And somehow,
in the blur of movement,
I find stillness.

I’m enjoying it.
Every second.
Not needing it to be more,
not asking it to stay.

Just… being here,
without weight.

So you don’t just get one
You get two!
And probably several more as I overthink
Because in the end it won’t matter
Nobody cares
They don’t see me hurting
They don’t think what it must be like
To be disappointed by everyone at every turn
I’m not allowed to make mistakes
But everyone else I must forgive

It doesn’t make any sense
I’m just a person of hurt
For myself
I watch others cause it for me
If I’m not careful
I can let someone do all the damage
Revert all my progress
Not only can I not lean on people
I can’t live
Because god forbid if I’m happy
The whole world will crumble

And here
THIS
Is a perfect–
The perfect example
I’m not allowed to have happiness
Nobody truly cares
Because while my needs go out the window for everyone else
They can’t do a quarter of that for me

It’s okay!
I’m just going to hate you
I won’t tell a soul anything
Not about the purple hearts
The promises
The compliments
Because I’m not evil
Unlike some