Your lunch table is empty
A lot of tables are empty today
Life should be moving like normal for me
But it’s throwing some nostalgia in a spree

I used to overthink you sitting right across from me
Wondering if I make eye contact or ignore your existence
It wasn’t much of an issue once I had other issues
But somehow it’s all flooding back

I wish things were normal
You kicking my bag through the bars
Me giving you a random surprise gift
Life makes more sense that way
With the old worries

When you look into my eyes
The whole world stops spinning
It’s just us
Floating across space and time
I can read how you feel
Observe your beauty
All I wish in that moment is to stay with you

You’re always here to care for me
Even when you’re not doing well yourself
Or you’re battling stress
Or having a good time
A week of being sick shouldn’t be needed to make me realize how much you care
And it’s not
I truly do know and appreciate you
Even more having survived the week with your love and care

The warmth you send through me
Filling my heart
Trembling my bones
Making me blush
Can get me through anything
You make me feel happy out of this world

So I can’t lose you now
Or tomorrow
I can’t lose you ever
You’re too good, too perfect
I want you to stay forever

I want us to stay forever

I used to search through my purchases
Before the months passed too soon
I’d count the days from each that you left
The further I got, the more lost I felt

When the day came
That April 20th and April 22nd faded
My dinner with my friends marking the night before
I lost it
I convinced myself you were better without me
I told myself I wasn’t deserving

It didn’t make it easier to feel it

Our bond

Which lasts through all rough and tough
There’s no way I keep going without you
And I don’t mean that in a disastrous way
I’m always here, you’re always there

It’s us

And I’m glad we’re not tied to pain
I’m no longer cursed
I’m found

The day I saw you play my piano
Making everyone smile
Singing like no one else was in the room
It changed my life forever

I started taking piano lessons
I think you graduated by the time I got anywhere
But I wish I could’ve told you

My sax started seeming like a goal
Not a thing I picked up to “practice”
What is practice anymore
It’s just for my enjoyment
It’s a hobby
A habit

Now I’m earning district medals
And it’s because of you
And I don’t know how to tell you
You created my life
Thank you

This fruit tastes like nothing
I think after brushing my teeth
This apple juice tastes sour
Yet still I drink, fearing being noticed
Morning anxiety, morning problems

You’re not here
And I know it’s okay, because you’re safe
I’m just stuck keeping my thoughts to myself
Yet if you weren’t here, I’d have never opened
Morning loneliness, morning problems

I feel sick
Every morning
Nothing can fix it
It only goes away when I tell you about it
Or I can’t worry about it
Because I’m worrying about you
Morning sickness, morning problems

So are you my queen in gold armor
Because you seem to fight off
The morning problems

For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been.’
— John Greenleaf Whittier

I’m not sure where to start
I can start with endless apologizing
Or that can be the end so my point is clear
Or I can just not
Maybe I’ve done enough already

Enough damage to you
To everything I touch
Or don’t touch

I know you feel cursed
Every time I come in to your life I go
But this time is different
It’s different because I hurt you

I did promise
That I wouldn’t leave
And to be honest
When I promise to you it isn’t restricting my actions
It’s telling you what I believe and plan and will do

I know I broke a promise
A huge one
And I beat myself up every second for it

But it doesn’t change anything
I’m still here
I’m hurting
But there’s nobody I’d rather talk to
No one I’d rather support
Than you

And I hope I can help take away my damage
I hope I can make you happy again
And I won’t stop trying

I can’t beg anything more from you
I’m here though
Forever and always