I’m self centered for ignoring your feelings
I’m selfish for only seeing my pain
I’m self deprecating for believing the worst
I’m stupid for not telling you how I felt

I thought you were happy
I felt like I was some unwanted safe space
I believed everything real you preferred
I ignored everything you had told me

And you said it again
Yet I took the wrong intent
Now I feel dumb and sorry
I made it harder for you to break the silence

I’m reworking my thoughts
I’m reorganizing my feelings
I hope you can forgive me
I won’t make that mistake again

Three Dr Peppers down
Yet not even close to a fraction of a Celsius
Three Dr Peppers down
But they only stir up dark thoughts of us

Therapy
What a deep word
To some it’s a joke
For people like me-it’s everything

Therapy is the pain at every fall
The dread until I climb
The hope that I’ll get up again
The drive to keep my head up

But last time I went I had friends,
I had things to do,
I had hope
Not sure where they all went

I’ll give it a go
New therapist, same boring me
Same depressed me
Same empty me
(Same broken me)

I’ll give life-
One last run
(Maybe the final run)

Seconds pass like hours
Yet my heart beats quick-
To the thought of your voice
Soft and electric-making silence tick

My heart threw a tantrum
Wailing through anxiety for days
Until it got tired
Until it missed the love

I used to long for the warmth
Now it seems I can’t escape from it
And it’s not that I want to
It wasn’t used to switching back for a moment

But I think it’s cooled down
I’ll manage the rest on my own
It’s my turn to deal with pain
Simple as that

******* in knots
Spewing nausea in an endless stream
Keeping my head in the dark
That’s my stomach for you

I can’t stand tennis without keeling over
Couldn’t finish half a meal
My mom thinks I need a job
What would I know, I’m in the dark

Maybe I should try therapy- again
Let someone tell me my life as it is
Then at least I won’t be alone 23.8 hours a day
I think that’d be nice

I miss having people to cope with
Now it’s just one or the other- or none
Everyone is growing distant-
Like my ex best friends

But how would I know
I’m in the dark
Waiting for something to shine down-
To take me out of the dark