How much longer do I have?
How much longer till my time is cut short.
How much longer till the crack in my hour glass brakes and all the sand starts falling out.

I've been wondering "how special am I to you?"
You come to me with all you're feelings.
You come to me to calm down.
You come to me with everything and You make sure I'm ok and you feel sad when I'm not.
You have noticed we're quite alike.
Sometimes I wonder "how special am I to you?"

The love I want is where the girl jumps and gives me a hug where I almost fall because she didn't see me for a long time.
The love I want is being able to be me and not having to worry.
The love I want is where I can sit and cry while being held.
The love I want is where I'm not used.
The love I want is the girl is obsessed with me.
The love I want is being able to play games with the girl that loves me.
The love I want is that kind of love.

All I want to do is cry when I think about you.
All I want to do is cry when I think about the life I really want to have.
All I want to do is cry when I realize I can't have what I want.
All I want to do is cry because I'm struggling to hide how I feel.
All I want to do is cry realizing I can't have my happy ending like I want.

I Lay in my dark room and read poems.
I Lay and let my cries out and let myself crumble knowing nobody can hear me.
I Lay and wonder to myself if I'm really happy with how my life is.
I Lay and think, "maybe my light isn't as bright as I thought maybe the light within me is actually dim?"

I Lay Here in my room in the dark.
I Lay here with the only light from my phone.
I Lay here, wondering and thinking "what if?"