There are wars happening within my mind and my heart.
A war of love within my heart.
A war of thoughts within my mind.
The Wars seem to becoming more and more occurring.
I can't help to ponder on the thought of which side of the wars will win in the end.

I Wonder What Life Could Have Been like if I hadn't been messed up at the young age of 5.
I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like if I hadn't dated girls I dated.
I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like if I didn't meet my friends.
I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like if I always lived here.
I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like if I had confidence.
I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like if I didn't have ones around me.

That's what I Wonder What Life Could Have Been Like.

Your family one minute loves me, then one minute hates me.
Your family tries to use me.
Your family looks at me like i'm a bad person.
Your family hates me when I don't like what they like.
Your family hates me when I don't agree with them.

Your Family family makes me feel so many things.

people fear snakes.
people fear spiders.
people fear heights.

but my biggest fear is dying alone...

I have two best friends of mine.
They are both different.
one I can see in person.
one I can play games with online.
one lives close.
one lives states away.
one I've known for 12 years.
one I've known for 2 years.
one knows everything.
one is learning about me.
one is a he.
one is a she.
but they both care about me.

My mind is debating so many things all the time, it debates time, it debates life, it debates what I should do, it debates what's right or wrong, it debates if i'm loosing my mind, it debates who is right for me to be around, it debates what I want, it debates all the time, and all I want is this for this Debating Mind to go away.

It hurts how you speak to me sometimes because you make me feel like i'm not wanted you make me feel as if i'm only here for your wants not needs.
you say you need me and you say what you think I want to hear but really in my mind I wonder if you really want me or use me.