Addicted
Addict
Fear is the only addiction I've ever known,
Raging from the deep recesses of my mind wondering if I'm worth an invitation,
Invitation to join the big league you would call Harvard I don't think so,
Invitation to join this club to share what is passion I consider
Addiction yes I am addicted to these words that come alive only few can understand

Never single always waiting always wanting that's her right?
Her name wasn't said but she popped up right?
Desperate blonde blue eyed me right? Always with someone hardly talking to you right?
Perfect life perfect boyfriend right?
That's where you're wrong
She wants to be single he won't let her
She's scared to fight so she dyes her hair and places contacts because he says so
He says don't speak to him so I don't
Abusive boy teenager terrible man
This is when you're wrong

Tick tock tick tock
The sounds of the clock
The only sounds I hear as I drift
In to this dark place
Dad, calls it therapy
I call it the 5 stages of hell
1 the therapist will think let me speak to you softly as to not scare you like you're some fragile toy not knowing you can't be frightened any more

2 oh 2 she thinks you trust her she thinks you don't know about the secret meetings or the Money exchanges out side of the agreement,
Yes I'm sick yes we know

3 I will tell you only but what I'm told to speak
Watching videos on  how fooling you into thinking "I'm better" works go ahead diagnose me I already know what's wrong it's okay take a guess

4 she'll tell you what she thinks is wrong tell you why you do what you do. Most likely it's a disorder because nothing can go unknown and nothing can be unlabeled
There must be medicine she must be insane

5 i walk the same streets except they arent streets they're gravel infested walk ways filled with fire
Demons being terrified of what lurks in the abyss I call a brain
This is what hell would feel like if any of this were true

It'll be okay that's all you can ever say.
Not knowing how much I cringe underneath your touch.
Not knowing you're the reason I'm not okay.
Being around you does not make me any happier.
Your "protection" is like stepping on broken glass only not getting cut in my feet but something much worse.
No I will not be okay

One right after the other,
You wonder why you’re so lonely, why no one wants to touch you,
It is not due to a lack of beauty oh no.
It is a simple lack of commitment you simply can’t handle even when you say you can.

Distracted? No this could never happen,
They said my attention span was like that of a gold fish,
They're pretty aren't they swimming with grace and poise,
Grace is what ballerinas have right?
What was I saying? Right distracted nope never happened In a way only I can understand
I zone out, wait why'd I come in here, relatable
Where was I going with this?

“I did all sorts of crazy things when I was your age”...
“School isn’t hard why are you failing”....
We’ve been told to have fun and enjoy as we please,
With what time do we have left after the textbooks cry for hours of attention,
After the pieces of paper ask you how to calculate the moon and stars when all the classroom provided was addition,
We can tell you Things about the past but are not yet able to calculate our own financial future but hey we need an education.

Bright eyes that shine when the first light of day hits them,
A smile that can wipe away an entire city like a nuclear bomb, so bright
hair that changes shapes and forms because sometimes you need it to,
There was no name and no gender but you know,  who showed up in your mind.
Because their very existence carries you like gravity
You spin and twirl around happily to the music called words that fall off of their lips that you of course want to kiss they're in your head aren't they?

Will you go out with me?
The only thing I can bring to you
Is honesty
I could say yes a million times yes
But you shouldn't trust the words as they roll off my tongue so smoothly
Said before I cannot give you the attention you crave
The instagram appreciations you desire
Because I do not know where I'm going
So ask again will you?

The lipstick sitting on your desk begs and pleads to feel the soft touch of your lips,
Waiting wanting wishing
That foundation doesnt want to be used as a foundation for a new beginning no to cover up the old?
Yes
Let's build and cover up what everyone thinks is disgusting anyway
20$ mascara let's use it yeah?
While some use pencils to create beautiful works of art your pencil would rather blend in with the eye lashes that paired up with glue and assaulted you
But hey these are your friends