I was always on my own
even when i was deserted by you
for months, your silence haunted me
and a battle continued to rage in my heart
as i set out to seek the answers-
"are you there? are you alive?"
that futile simmer turned gray
which was meant to be full of love
i held meetings in my mind
my heart was asking to believe you
but my mind concluded you betrayed me

this affair was never fated to turn into love
something that started under the moon and stars
something that was ill fated from beginning
now who should i blame? you or me?
i carried us up the summit
but you and i were both sick
the clouds were turning gray
and everything began to disappear in the haze
the castles we built, the promises we made
turned out to be a mirage in my mind
you never meant a thing
i was a tool to fulfill your greed
a savior in times of crisis but you forgot about me
i longed for your love whole summer
even when i knew i was a prey

for who i am right now,
i'm but the result of someone's monstrous generosity
first they would show you the bright colors
and later sink their teeth into your skin
was it a cactus hidden among the flowers?
or was it a snake in the lake?
this poet couldn't differentiate as
they both share their thorn and fangs with you
and for so long, i tried to make sense of it all
only to realize i was a passing object you never needed

two years ago, on Christmas eve,
i made an appeal and stood in your court
i asked you to revoke my status-
from a stranger to a lover, or friends who love each other
but you declared me guilty
and sent your troops, with cannons aimed at my gate
if you had asked me, "will you survive?"
my answer would've been a big no
but here i am writing this one final ode
because i finally survived in that war

sitting by the grave of our love affair
lavender fields are now left barren
echoes of your voice lingers in the hall
and words i penned start to haunt

3 years gone by in blink of an eye
winter nights and fog touching the ground
blurred my periphery, left no space for closure
can someone tell me for how long should i mourn?

i showed you my scars
and you licked them as if they were a wine
healed my deepest wounds
just to make space for new ones

i showed you my scars
and in desperate times became my beacon
killed my ghosts chasing me at midnight
just to become one in my life

you are a loss i will forever mourn even in my sleep
paralysed by the ghost of you that haunts me in dreams
i gave you my heart till you bleed it out
forced me to say words i never once believed

they say people are always blinded by the truth
"forever lost" is truly the lost case
i was here bleeding at the shore
when you departed to another sea