149 poems later, one can still trace you in my poems
I wrote you carefully in metaphors and words that scream
In the anagram that holds your lovely name

149 poems later I’m still stuck in this hedge maze life
I try to cut my wrist and let my tears speak the unspoken
I’ll try to cut the ones who surround me and be a new version

149 poems later, my feelings remain unspoken
For the most part, they’ll forever haunt my existence
Even if I bleed them out on paper

149 poems later, I wish to be left alone
i'm afraid to walk into the future
I'm taking my leave here, soon I'll be 20

I can't blame anyone, not even the one you love
I'm sure you both have stories to fill pages with—
about how you met and fell for each other
I do not have the right to claim you,
so the question of hate seems outrageous
My nights are haunted by the dead and the living
You are a beacon I always waited for

I’m just a side character in my own story
The heart of someone I know beats for someone else
I’m watching it all unfold from the sidelines
I knew the risk I was taking, I keep telling my heart—
But the weight of my tears feels too heavy to carry
So I let them rain again for you tonight
You have beautifully haunted my life
I thought I was finally going to make you mine

All that you'll leave behind for me are your memories
The legacy of a story that was ill-fated from the beginning
You have somebody else, but my heart still screams your name in silence
Who will I think of when I’m being feasted upon by my ghosts?
Your memories will soon join them—and eat me alive.
I don’t want to be in love again, where the one I love will **** me

those eyes of yours keep hurting me
the same eyes that once made me blush
and comforted me in darkest of my hours
they tell me that you're not mine

those eyes of yours keep tearing me apart
they tell me you're a fantasy i will never get to live
love now seem like a fictional concept
i must write you with my own pen

my sighs were getting too loud
and their echoes haunting the halls,
i was struggling to breathe
and tears rolling down my face,
it is you who stepped in like
how moon shines bright after eclipse,
kissed my tears off like a desert
and leaving after a passionate remark

my face in the ground
and a collar across my neck
i tried to stand up, little by little
but i fell on my knees again

from crying on the thought of you
to struggling for breathe over and over
my face buried in the cold sand
i can't recall your dreamy face

it still happens now and then
but i tell my heart to stop crying
and mind to hatch some plans
you were never mine in the first place

even while writing,
my body cold and pale
my tragedy is i can't recall your face
but my idea of you will never fade