All the letters I can write Are not fair as this— Syllables of Velvet— Sentences of Plush, Depths of Ruby, undrained, Hid, Lip, for Thee— Play it were a Humming Bird— And just sipped—me—
If I should die, And you should live— And time should gurgle on— And morn should beam— And noon should burn— As it has usual done— If Birds should build as early And Bees as bustling go— One might depart at option From enterprise below! ’Tis sweet to know that stocks will stand When we with Daisies lie— That Commerce will continue— And Trades as briskly fly— It makes the parting tranquil And keeps the soul serene— That gentlemen so sprightly Conduct the pleasing scene!
Everything feels murky and confusing for so long the feelings about my jewishness about my longing for this land and for jewish traditons holidays and shabbat has always been lurking in the back of my soul reminding me every week It hurts me I miss it so much even though there is lots of trauma involved in many ways these were the things that made my childhood a little bit better singing together all the jewish melodies eating yummy food feeling united having peace in my soul and my heart lighting Shabbat candles it was the highlight of my week hanging with friends having real conversations without being with my phone without feeling distracted and connected all the time I met you and you have triggered these deep feelings within me the reminders of the things I miss so so deeply for you are traditional and believe in love and wow is that different than how I was raised maybe the world and my self isn't black or white I am tried of supressing myself even during my kambo ceremony this came up and all I could do was sit there and cry my eyes out about how much I miss shabbat and my jewishness I hid it all behind my hate maybe our hate teaches us what we truly love but are afraid to admit to our deepest selves.
As I see the world cheering for our deaths yelling gas the jews as if they think that will bring peace and freedom all I can think about and cry beyond my numbness of pain is think of you and how i remember you your beautiful nails your beautiful smile your hebrew the way you played with all of the children it aches me everyday since the war started not knowing if your alive all I can do is hope and pray that your okay or that if your dead that you went without pain my heart can't hold all this pain I greet each of my friends and ask them how they are grief stings the air like a spell everyone is grieving everyone knows someone who was burnt kidnapped killed ***** or kidnapped I would love for the westeners to live here one day and see what its like to actually live here instead of just seeing things from a biased one perspective life especially war is complicated ****** and painful and evil knows no bounds today i saw a picture of a girl that was burnt alive I can't help but hope that you didn't die like that I hope that you went to the wrong party and that you are sitting in your house in the north smiling sipping coffee and singing israeli music I hope and pray that your okay I pray and I cry ..
I see displaced empathy around me it seems the world only wants to care about the palestinans death and horror empathy cannot and should not just be for once side for when my people were being burnt and charred to bits and baked in an oven 3 weeks ago the world didn't care all that much and told us we made it up while still we are weeping they claim we are lying while now chanting for our deaths in the streets is it 2023 or 1933? I wander if my great grandparents were alive now what they would think? Its such a tragedy that so many people care about equal rights except when it comes to Jews or Jewish children ... suddenly we are at fault?? so call it what it is if one can only be sad about certein deaths and only condemn certein things it means your empathy is broken especially if your not even involved in this conflict I hope humanity can wake up and reclaim their kindness and goodness.
Today and the last few i chose forgiveness I chose to forgive all the people who have abused me hurt me and bullied m e I don't want to carry it with me anymore the anger built so much pain within me for so long I couldn't let go of the past and it just pained me beyond words. So much staying in the past So i forgive I still am healing and everything feels a little lighter and brighter now with room to expand a little brighter A willigness to let go To not drag my feet in the sand as much anymore So I forgive myself and others and I let go .