What is the meaning of life?
There are many ideas and beliefs.
But
What's it matter?
Why try to find a meaning to this?
Why not just, go along with everyday,
try and feel ok.
Try to feel something,
even just one thing.
But, that gives it meaning doesn't it?
What might god wish me to be?
What might I want to be?
For me, it differs,
some days, I want nothing but to disappear.
Yet others, I feel the light of the sun on my skin,
and then a smile might appear.
One day I might feel like nothing might ever be greater than life,
The next I might feel I will never thrive.
Even in just a moment, I might go from being all jolly,
to being blinded with a veil of melancholy.
But maybe, that is where I find meaning,
in the feelings I experience in each moment.
Maybe, the fact that I feel all so deeply, is the blessing god gave me.
I think, everyone has their own meaning.
And everyone, must find their own calling,
all in the pursuit of happiness.
Maybe one day, if I follow what I think my calling to be, I too, might be cleared of all this pain I feel.
maybe I wont suffer at the hands of the blessing I was given.
But who knows, definitely not me. I hardly know who I am, let alone what I am to do with my life.

This pressure on my chest,
is foreign.
I've never felt it before, but it hurts.
I do not know why or where it came from.
But it's there,
and it is persistent.
It hurts so much, but also strangely,
the thoughts of death it brings, feel so comforting.
I'll never do it though, I'm just entertaining the idea.
He did not give me breath only for me to take it away so soon.
I'm so young and he tortures me so, but I hope he also shows me paradise.
Soon hopefully, I don't know how long I can keep this going

life flashes by if you care and stop for every little thing.
sometimes you don't need to help,
spares ya time,
plus, growth is found in struggles.
can't expect muscles to grow when someone helps you lift the weights right?

I just wonder, if any of the people close to me, would notice me dissappear.

I try to be happy,
yet each night I turn melancholic yet again,
I try to be happy, but only by burying my despair
I try to find solace, in the pain from my lonely heart,
I feel alone, even when surrounded.
Might I ever escape this eternal act?

Find solace in your sins, or find solace a sin.
Either way it's all the same.
Comfort can also be found in agony.

I rage at the world,
It never listened,
I grew lonely and mad,
So I turned to the only one who would listen,
Me.