She was made of something different; I could never shake the feeling that she was something else completely.

She loved so deeply that it would put oceans to shame, she was magic in every sense of the word. I could never understand why she chose me.

She was pure and sweet, her smile alone could wear the most bitter of men down, and the only way I could accept her love was by making her feel less than ordinary.

She loved me more than she loved herself, did more for me than I did for myself, but something inside me came alive each time she’d weep because of me.

She was an angel sent by God, his gift to me, but like a toddler with a toy, I tore off her wings and tossed her to Lucifer to keep as his plaything.

When I was a child I was the ugly duckling personified. My days and nights were filled with dreams of being breathtakingly beautiful, a sight for sore eyes.

When I became a woman, I realised that Tv, magazines and movies had lied. I’m breathtakingly beautiful yes, but there’s a hole in my soul I have to perpetually hide.

When I was a child I’d scoff at those who said beauty was pain. My conditioned brain found this notion absurdly insane. I maintained that if I was ever breathtakingly beautiful, I’d never have the audacity to complain!

When I became a woman, all my breathtaking beauty ever bought me was pain. Ironically with every heartbreak I became even more beautiful, but inside my soul I am tormented by demons bearing my ex lovers names.

If I could love anyone with all my soul again, I swear beautiful boy it would be you.

I’d tell you every day that your smile stops me in my steps every time I see it and it reverberates throughout my mind, body and soul.

I’d count the seconds until seeing you again every moment we’re apart and happily accept the longing stabbing my heart.

I’d sit with you in silence, grateful to be close to your aura’s beautiful glow, content in the feeling of finally being home.

I’d remain beside you even in a war zone, making beautiful music from the background of explosions and military drones.

I’d do this all and more beautiful boy, if I could. Oh how I wish I could. I wish I could.

I was an innocent drawn to the broken and emotionally dead.
Like a moth to a flame I flew straight into my death.
The personification of fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

You don’t love me.
You never did.
I stopped chasing.
We ceased to exist.

You said you were enthralled by the fire in my eyes when I spoke of my distrust of the government and their lies

You smiled that infectious smile of wonderment when I would randomly quote Kafka and Nietzsche, your eyes gave away your admiration whenever you’d watch me speak

You were the first to acknowledge how my mind outshone my beauty, you spoke incessantly about how you’d never met anyone quite like me

And then you left.

It seems like I’ve been stuck between sadness and insanity for an infinity, so much so that that three of us are bound for life; such is our bittersweet shared affinity