Last first day
Senior year
Same halls, same walls
Same people
We fought, we laughed, we talked
We goofed and joked and cried
We have one thing in common
This is the last year we’ll roam these halls
Last year we’ll eat at the cafeteria
Play sports
Create inside jokes
I’ll miss you guys

Surrounded by people
Ones who care
Still feeling awful
Knowing I have to go home

I started wearing a rubber band
Around my wrist
So I can send slicing pain
Through my arm when I didn’t feel okay
My wrist is swollen
White welts
But they won’t scar
That makes it okay

I want to be okay
I need to be okay
I will pretend for as long as I can
So I don’t disappoint those around me
Who need me
Want me
To be okay

And suddenly I’m back to stacking bracelets

I’m struggling
Nothing helps, nothing soothes
I was finally healing
Looking forward to something
Getting my future laid out
I thought this was over
I thought it was done
But no
You dredge it up again
Threaten the one thing I was excited for
Postpone my future
Why
Why
Why
Why do you love to torment me
Why do you hate me?

I miss you,
I do
You said I had to be okay
When you left
But you’re the only thing keeping me glued
I wanted to leave
Disappear without a trace
Sit in my bathroom with bottles
In my hands
And fade away
but I thought of you instead
How you would die inside
More
And I knew I couldn’t
Because we are each others glue
You keep me here
Why can’t I keep you here
I miss you
I do
I picked up the phone call
Because it said from New Jersey
I didn’t tell her how my heart dropped
When I saw it
I didn’t tell her that I was terrified
That you had done it
I told her instead
Thank you for letting me know she’s okay
While my insides were falling to pieces
Knowing you were hurting
Relapsing
Alone
I need you here can’t you see
I need the beautiful
Curly haired girl
With a dog named Daisy
With the ethereal soul
And caring heart
I need her
I’m can’t breathe properly without knowing
Whether you’re safe or not today
I miss you
I do
I painted you a picture
I’m not even artistic
But I painted it anyway
The moon
The one we promised to look at every night
And know the other was seeing the same
A road
Smooth except for one crack
Down the middle
With a dandelion growing from it
I thought of you
On that blank canvas
It silently screamed
This was made to be for her
So I did
The stubborn dandelion
Growing where it wishes
Growing despite the unwelcoming circumstances
I miss you
I do
Watching the videos over again
Just to hear your voice
I need you to exist
One day will come soon enough
The hurt will fade someday
And everything will be okay
Love him
Hug him
Write words of beautiful power and pain
Create art out of junk
Hate trump
Pet your dog
Live
Live
Live
Live
Please
Because I miss you
I do