Hate
Darkness
Feeling pain
Heart
Broken  
Feeling shame
You
Not me
You're so vain
Screaming
Crying
All hope slain

I remember that girl
Her short blonde hair
Pudgy, round face
Big blue eyes, sparkling with curiosity

She was fierce
Outspoken
Fun-loving
Didn’t have a care in the world
I wonder...
Where did she go?

I’m school smart, not life smart.
I can write a **** good essay.
And get A’s on most assignments.
But when it comes to life,
I can only say one thing....






How the **** does life work?

What do only gay people have to come out?
I mean like, get with the times, people!
It's 2018!
Gay is normal! Gay is beautiful!
I wish straight people had to come out too
I want them to know how ****** it feels
To be frowned upon, disapproved of,
Because of who you are

Why?
They ask.
They’re so different from the others
What’s the difference?
Gender is a social construct,
What’s the difference between girls and boys?
Why does there need to be such a means of separation?
Why can’t we all just be human?
They want to be normal
They don’t know where they belong
With the boys?
No.
With the girls?
Maybe.
But, really, they feel best
When they’re with those who are neither.
Not a boy nor a girl,
Just a person
They want to be seen as just a person
Not a girl, a human being.
Because really, what’s the difference?

I wish I was as pretty as her,
I wish I was smart like her,
I wish I was as extroverted as she is,
I wish I were likable like her,
I wish I was as talented as her,
I wish I was skinny like her,
I wish I was as confident as she is,
I wish I was normal like her,
I wish I had as trendy a style as her,
I wish I didn’t have anxiety like her,
I wish I was as artistic and creative as her,
I wish I had skin as smooth as hers,
I wish I was as good with people as she is,
I wish I was as tan as her,
I wish. I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish.

I wish I wasn’t myself.

I could just text you




It would be so easy



click
click
click




Instant words




Right on your screen




Telling you to come home



But I’m scared
I’m scared that....


Once you become real,
I can’t just make up in my head
What you’ll do
What you’ll say

And I’ll actually have to deal with
Your decisions
Whether they affect me positively
Or not

I am a writer.
My fingers fly across the keys
Desperate
In hopes of ridding my soul
Of the demons hidden inside
All of them
Grasping for something to feed off of
My anger
My fear
Even my happiness
So it can corrupt it
But writing kills the demons inside of me
Reducing them all to a pile of ashes
And it clears the unsure thoughts in my head
The voices telling me to do things
Things that I know
Deep in my soul
Aren’t right

That,
Ladies and gentlemen,
Is why I am a writer.

Your heart is still beating strong when you feel at your weakest

Today is your day to fly
Up to the heavens

Because yesterday
Was your day to die

The sweet, soft rain
Pit-pattering on the rooftop
Keeps the beat
As you sing to me
The most beautiful song
Of your love