I wake up every morning
i look in the mirror
and i hate what i see
I put on some makeup
feeling like it will make me look pretty.
you know, less ugly.
I go to my closet and look
for the darkest thing to wear.
black long sleeve shirt to hide my nasty scars,
black leggings or black velvet sweats,
before even putting my clothes on
i look for my rubber waistbands to hide
my disgusting fat cause,,who the **** wants to see that?!
i look around the messy room and pick up my bag
i shove anything in it notebooks/papers/ my journal
then i take a deep breath,
i look myself in the mirror in disgust while zipping up
my black sweater.
on my way to school i think about the worst **** that could happen.
"am i gonna get picked on?"
"are people gonna **** with me to get a rise out of me"
"is today gonna be bad in general?"
as i enter the school i see that i'm really late,
i sigh and i get my late pass.
i put my hood on and keep my earbuds in,
i dont want no one to talk to me,
i dont want to be greeted.
just go the **** away.
a simple 'hello' will ruin my day.
As i walk to my class i pass all these pretty, flawless girls.
i get insecure and i compare myself to them.
I think "why the **** am i so ugly?'
"why am i so stupid and have really **** grades?"
Through out the whole day i dont do my work, i sit in a desk, i look at the floor, or the door then up at the clock.
"can this day go by any faster?"
When school is over i run out the doors, not wanting to stop
to say hi to anyone, i just leave,
when i arrive at my house i quickly run up the stairs
and rush in,
i drop my bag, go to my room, and boom.
i jump and hide under the covers
thanking god the day for me is over then i drift to sleep hoping i don't wake up.

My blood is boiling
my head is spinning
anger and anxiety is ******* winning.
I don't know what to do
I honestly just want to ******* **** you.
you **** me off,
i hate how everytime you ****** up
and i cut you off
my ******* took you back.
i hate being soft-hearted.
i hate you but i love you..
no one treated me like you did, you were there when i needed someone.
the **** you did will stay with me forever.
i've never been so hurt by a person like you.
people like you make me have trust issues,
but what can i do?
i never listen.  i just forgive then get hurt all over again.
but no. i need to stop. this has to ******* end.
*******, you're not my ******* friend you are dead
to me *******.

The tears run down and fall off my nose
I hide in my attic where nobody goes
I clench my fists
And gasp for air
My head is pounding
But i don’t care
No matter what i do
Depression always pulls me back
‘No you can’t be happy’ it says
‘The only way you’ll ever be happy is if you’re dead’
I shake my head and pull my hair
I dig my nails into my skin
And watch my arms bleed
Trying to fight these demons
I’m not gonna let them ******* win..
Because of all of this I don’t feel alive it doesn’t make sense
I just wanna be alright I ******* hate this
Please let me go, let me be happy it’s been
8 ******* years please let me live my life in peace,
I’ve been chained up like a ******* dog
By depression and anxiety
They’re both slowly killing me they don’t let anyone or even myself try to save me
Please...all of this needs to stop..
Depression makes me feel like a *******
I feel like a burden to my friends..even to my own ******* family
When I was younger, before my cousin killed himself he said: “Depression is like a big fur coat
It's made of dead things but it still keeps me warm.”
I didn’t know what he meant..
But just as depression and anxiety started to consume I finally got it..
I’ll admit..one of these days, I don’t know when
I’m gonna eventually give up,
Put a gun against my head and pull the ******* trigger..


~Lupita Society

I don't know
what is going to happen to me.
And i don't know what i'll feel fully
when it does
Buty what i do know is that im waiting,
and im ready.
The pain maybe tough
the heart break may crush more
than any force within me,
But i will stay strong til i drop.
It maybe sooner than i think these events.
It maybe later than what i think
but many things come unexpected but one thing i do know
is that i'm excited to go home
my vessel will be connected to earth for what is there it was created
my wants here may not fullfill but im okay with that.
For i accept my fate.

                  I will not fall.