I get that now
That my body and soul
Doesn't click at all
The body wants to party
the soul want to stay whole
I get that now
That my soul was gold
She rather reads
That hit the streets
She rather writes
Than scream all night
The body may be young
But the soul was long hung
How do I know?
Because I always cry
On the wrong side of a track
Every time I hit the Jack and Teq
I get that now
That my body and soul
Doesn't click at all

I take it you enjoyed the pain -
would you stay for another
round of heartache?
bear with me - really
it'll only take a moment
to put a dagger
in my heart

Past
are only memories
a fractured mirror
a foggy dream
uncertain future
unpromised gleam
you could reminisce the scene
but never repeat the sin

Would you
Still, love me
Like you did?
Those times
When we were
Such a geek
Giving each other
Mix-tapes
Claiming our love
With phantom and beck
Those I cannot
Change with a click
But this feeling
Will forever
Cremated

pieces of me
will soon engross
into your body
and become
part of me
that once was yours -
but now it's ours

One minute he’s home;
other time he’s gone,
You could never comprehend
The life I have to pretend

at every
red lights;
I cried

Love is my religion
Though sometimes I failed
On its mission
It's still
A belief I rely on
In darkest day
It gave such lifting
And showed promising

I don't need to prove
To people
By going to any
Sacred temple
To bend and pray
For whom it may
I believed I've
Shown it
In my own way

I cut my hair when I’m sad
An issue with a boyfriend
A friend, a problem, a feeling
Anything in between
Demands a lock of hair
For ritual killing
An offering for the cost
Of rejuvenating
And rise from
The deadly beating

After a while
It grew back and longer
But it won’t last with this anger
Again, it will be offered
To the deity of insanity
In exchange for serenity

It’s a mortal crown
That deserves an eternal frown
Long live the Queen they said
But why do we still stare
To the block of a statue
And sacrifice our virtue?

Every time I cut it
I knew I just had it
This overwhelming feeling
Of a broken healing
A timeline I demand
To discover the recover
Of how will my heart begins
To wonder at love all over

But then again
We would never comprehend
Why sacrifice is legit
For a broken woman to commit
In searching for herself
Reunite with oneself
A riddle we all ponder
Forever wander this mysterious monster
Demands a hair
For an exchange
To remain center

I learned that clingy and independent
Are the same
Both tires you to death
Both consume most of your life
And you’re left with nothing
But a drained heart
And an empty pocket

pay attention to my singing
you'll notice
how my heart rings
every time you're beaming

I didn’t speak of you
The way you spoke of me
Telling them
This and that
Those and all
I didn’t speak of you
At all

I didn’t speak of you
The way you
Spoke of me
Even sometimes
You saw me bragged
It wasn’t you
I blabbered about

The sea may part
Our heart and soul
I haven’t spoken of you
At all
For trust and loyalty
Is what I preached
I never speak of you
No.
Not even
A heartbeat

no matter what I do;
there's always an empty
spot
waiting for you.


I lied.


it's a

s      p      a        c         e

I'm back to square one
People would say
That I'm stupid
That I'm reckless
I keep going to that
Similar path
Recreating the same mistake
But I can't say that
It’s a mistake -
It was once a decision
A decision once made
Out of love

Then why would
You say that
I'm stupid
That I'm reckless
Don’t you went
Through the same journey?
Don’t you once fall
For the same reason?
That once you loved;
You loved wholeheartedly
Despite the bad
That he had
***** all that
You still love that brat

And the thing
About loving is -
Specifically me that is
I always love more
I always give more
I always suffice more
As if I was born
To do so
Unconditionally
Unrealistically
Undying
Unlikely

But even so
I always end up
Draining
Drowning
Space out
Left out
Wondering
Worrying
And always
Sighing
Crying
Fortifying

And when
The heart
Mends itself
I'll still fall in love
As much back then
Even with the broken pieces
That twined inside unreleased
I’d do the same
All over again
And love as much
Always all out
Without a doubt

I couldn't think of
Anything nice to say
Hence; the silent
I've portrayed
The awkwardness
Of the night
Keeps bugging
My tired heart

I couldn't think of
Anything nice to say
Even my smile looks so pale
I was nothing but stale

I’m trying to be calm
I'm trying to stay content
I couldn't keep a straight face
the past hit me hard
it kept me awake
forever alert

I wondered if he noticed
The rage on my face
The grudge in my eyes
The distrust of his words
I couldn't think of another act
To cover up my disguise face

I've been used
To living alone
And his coming just
Add another groan,
I couldn't think of
Anything nice to say
Hence; the silent
I’ve portrayed

And every time
I couldn't sleep
I’ll go to that place
Where I felt belong
The place you didn't omit
The place for me to mourn
All the regrets I’ve been scorned at
And every time~
I always end up
Crying, Straying
And missing you even more

even poets fall apart
broken inside
acknowledge the fright
accept the pain
to keep them sane
and love again -
just to fall apart
then kept the cycle
on repeat
over heartbeat

The one who's barely there
Had the guts to have a say
That the role That he played
Had contributed he said
Had not he realized
Those words he lay
NoNe whats so ever
A ”sorry” had said
For neglecting his own offspring
For the sake of his pride and
His job was more important
Then spending time with them
The one who's barely there
Had the guts to say ”I’m there”
Didn’t realize the damage he caused
Since the day a womb have mould
All promises he said were bulls
He only hopes that
She would overlook
But she never forgets
The pain she had since 2015
He hasn’t realized
The sacrifice he presents
Was the reason
He wasn’t forgiven
And Still,
He had the guts to have a say
This person who’s barely there

You don’t have to
promise me the sun
the moon, the stars
the sky, the world
You know I’m capable
Moulding my pearl
Just promise me
You won’t leave
With empty words
You won’t stay
With heavy doubts
You won’t sway
With little flutters
You won’t lean
On faulty hopes
I was broken
To begin with
I don’t need
Another myth

It was fractured
long before
It was damaged
too fragile
To be fixed
Too torn out
To be sewed
Too broken
To hold on

Music does exist
But it seems
They’ve lost of touch
Of a rhythm so much
And lyrics stuck in a hutch
Struggling to de-clutch
Both causing a smutch
Gone along the decades
Just a little bit too much

Touch me
where it
matter most;

My Trust

once you broke it
it'll vanish
before it even
touch the ground

I hate
The fact
You know me
Well
That from
The start
You said
I’m hell
The smallest
Thing
That made me cringes
To the ugly truth
Of painful twinge

Can you un-do?
These shattered glasses
The pieces of impossible fractions
Glued together
As you push the button
‘rewind’
Convince the larva
Is melted

Can you un-sing?
This excruciating melody
Stings in the heart
Leaving no mercy
Like slitting my wrist
Letting me die
Wither and fail

Can you un-kiss?
This haunting taste
Lingering at night
Followed with your sight
This burning tear
Dismantling my fear
Of wanting you near
Such impossible sphere

It’s not fair
For you to claim
That you work harder
That you strive longer
That you bear heavier
That you haven’t seen the daylight
That you haven’t touched
Your food yet
It’s not fair
For you to compare
Yours are bigger than mine

It’s not fair
For you to say
That I didn’t work harder
It’s not fair
For you to alleged
I didn’t bear
Much burden
It’s not fair
For you to say
That my struggle
Is lighter
That my nights
A longer
And my days
Are brighter

It’s not fair
To stated
That yours
Are bigger than mine

I put equal hardship
I put extra effort
I hold a bigger role
I’m the runner
Of the family
I ran day and night
Double capacity
Not a single
Sweat I complained
For the things
I would do
For family

It’s not fair
To confirm
That yours
Are bigger than mine

I struggle too
I get depressed too
I'm working too
I even do the chores
I didn't rest
I didn't whine
I didn't rebel
I even made it
As part of my shrine

It’s not fair
To validate
That yours
Are bigger than mine

with words
left unspoken,
you left me alone
- heartbroken

is it worth it?
I really can't tell
for all I know is
I'm not dying-
but then again;
I'm not smiling
so
is it worth it?

I used to
write a diary
but now
I've found poetry
it vibes with my feelings
my only way of healing

should I run
and hide my vain
from stuttering lies
that flickers within
I could pretend and fall asleep
ignore the pain that
beating my head
or to the endless road
I'll drive and hide
till gas ran out
I'll go gaga again

I could travel the world
in 80 days
enjoy the scenery
and flush all my fears
Or should I face the trouble
and attack the sorrow
avoid being a victim
from your foolish judgement

or should I stand
and accept the misery
understand the progress
and find serenity
I leave it to you then
Almighty Creator -
The one who listens
and always answers
'Be patient, my son,
Your time will come;
You'll find your peace
and your worries be gone'

The heart speaks louder than words
Blaming lips that unable to sort
For feelings, you thought you couldn’t afford
With no guilt – it slips without effort

The heart speaks louder, unguarded
And merely words left to unfold
Surpassing the moment of self-loathe
When it’s spoken louder than words

The feeling inside
Are hard to describe
And the words relate
Aren’t align – side by side
Whenever I feel like to hide
Somehow I hope this feeling subside
But then again the heart starts to scream
Exploding with feelings in reams of hints

With pen and paper
I start to offer
Mutual feelings and agreements
Of what truly meant
What heart couldn’t understand?
Rather let it explode
This pen will draw the rightful road
When the heart speaks louder
This pen will run you over

This one wish
Goes to you
The one whom
Survive from
Broken hues
I wish
You well
This problem
You dwell
And keep on
Fighting
As you’re living
I may turn
Myself
From you
But do remember
These words
Are true
That every breathes
I take is glued
Glued together
With memories
Of you

She’s different
From other women
Where she walks
On different pavement
For every pavement
Her foot lies
Leaves a sparkle
To every eye

I finally get to love me
when you left me
without goodbyes
without whys and because
without intros and the ends
I finally get to see me
the true worth
I'm supposed to be

write a poem.
a poem about
How I told you I love you,
and you couldn’t reply.
I told you I loved,
you knew I could never lie...

And for that
I couldn't stop smilling
As days go by