Being alone
is not that bad;
you'll find yourself
when you're confused
like that

everyone choose to blame her
everyone choose to avoid her
everyone choose to distrust her
but  no one really listens to her side of the story

What is valentine to me?
Just another
Ordinary Thursday
That might be heartache
Or maybe plain “okay”
But what different
Does it make?
When I’m wide awake
In the midst of a shipwreck
Trying to unveil
This wicked braille
From your lips
Of proofread scripts

I want to ******
Every sound
Of your murmur
That squeals out
A Pathetic beggar
Begging for mercy
Oh mercy me
Gosh you’re such a coward
Bury yourself
With all that bragging
That turned soured

What’s the point
Of reassuring me
That this would be
A happy glee
When I am here
Pretending and acting
That the garden is blooming
And the birds
Is humming
When all the flowers
You’ve plucked
Is dead and dry
All the birds
Is bled and cried
Can you repeat the question?
What is valentine again?

I would write to you
a five pages long
of a love letter
and still not enough pages
for me to define
my head over heels
for you -

my question is only this;
would you read them
and reply to me-
the same portion as mine?

After the rain;
then what?
will you go
and break
my heart again?

All these men in my life

Always love me too much
To a point, I’m always drained

From being controlled
Being captivated
Being ignored
Being cheated
Being confused
Being hurt
Being fooled
Being in love
Being invisible

They drained me to the point
I couldn't find myself
To love me first

I'm back to square one
People would say
That I'm stupid
That I'm reckless
I keep going to that
Similar path
Recreating the same mistake
But I can't say that
It’s a mistake -
It was once a decision
A decision once made
Out of love

Then why would
You say that
I'm stupid
That I'm reckless
Don’t you went
Through the same
Journey?
Don’t you once fall
For the same reason?
That once you loved;
You loved wholeheartedly
Despite the bad
That he had
***** all that
You still love that brat

And the thing
About loving is -
Specifically me that is
I always love more
I always give more
I always suffice more
As if I was born
To do so
Unconditionally
Unrealistically
Undying
Unlikely

But even so
I always end up
Draining
Drowning
Space out
Left out
Wondering
Worrying
And always
Sighing
Crying
Fortifying

And when
The heart
Mends itself
I'll still fall in love
As much back then
Even with the broken pieces
That twined inside unreleased
I’d do the same
All over again
And love as much
Always all out
Without a doubt

I was trained
To love silences
Not to beg for your attention
I was mould
To stay content
Not to hope for any companion
I was left
To learn independent
Not to cling for your time, and
I’m content with myself
Left alone –
With no one else

I write whatever comes to my mind
It’s not just about you
But the trees
And the breeze
The chirpy birds
The foggy mornings
The fresh coffee
The stagnant traffic
The giggly baby
The nosy neighbour
The silent creeper
The snappy ally
The lovey-*****
That’s oh so dearly
That painful memory –
Of you; obviously
That comes once a while
When I smile
When I cry
When I’m sad
When I’m mad

I write whatever comes to my mind
It’s not just about you

This little space
I tend to be
Alone with coffee
And books with me
Where these go
Hand in hand perfectly
And blends evenly
You won't disagree

When in doubt
Turn to me
I’ll make you smile
And bring your coffee
When you're stress out
Just come with me
This book I’ll give you
It’ll make you glee
Cause books and coffee
Makes everything
Less - worry

I cannot brain
Every word that you've said to me
That you're too busy
You were occupied
You forgot
You were rushing
I cannot brain that
At all
Maybe you're saying
I'm whining
I'm not strong enough
I'm not doing the
Chores right
I'm not fully utilised
I'm not helpful
I don't understand you
No
I cannot brain
That at all
You weren't here
You didn’t know
You don't have the right
To say at all

Every soul
I've met along the journey
there's a lost Cleopatra
that once
ruled their heart

L.T

Look deeper
Those who pretend
Acting lively
Like a friend
They’ll betray you
In the end
So, be wise
And stay content

It happens a lot
To me these days
Confused, irritated
In so many ways
Your words, your promises
Won’t match your act
And all I see was
A breach of contract

'I love you', 'I do'
Bulls, bulls and bulls -
Another trash, a lot more too
Is all I ever hear from you

And if we ever
Really end it
Promise me that you'll
Just shut it
For barely words
Came out from you
It only hurts
Cut through and through

would it be
enough of love
if I craved your name
on my skin
and kept you close
under my nose
and whisper you
melody every night
before bed?
would you see me
as the woman of your dream
or a creeper
in your closet?

I accept with hands
Wide-open
A heart less-broken
A decision
I finally regret
Paying off
Someone else’s
Debt

From
'you're the only one who understands'
to
'What did you tell her?'

it's funny how people used to reach for your comfort when needed
just to bombard you with mockery saying you're the reason they're broken

it's funny when you didn't lay a word but being accused of spreading rumors
when you didn't 'kiss and tell' but they point you with grudge burning in their eyes

it's funny
how people can be desperately running from their own lies

I guess I’m still
On the edge
Between deleting our memories
Or missing your energies
I know
I’m still not sober
Its the only thing
I haven't cross-over

It triggers me at night
This emptiness in my heart
And the long cold dark sight
Reminds me that killer of
Forlornness
And my name stick
To its meaning
Such a lonely name its beaming

Like the moon
Missing the sun and the stars
Never together
Always passing over
But never together

weddings;
made me believe in fairy tales
even though it doesn't
exist in mine
I still believe it is alive
weddings bells
confetti flies
champagne clinks
all eyes smile
deep inside
I still hope high
that fairy tales
present in
all our lives

How can you be
so clueless?
of a snake
curled up your leg?
I'm not gonna lie
it's defecting your eyes
what you saw
was a faux
of a fake
prince persia's Gawk

I know exactly
How the story ends
There’s no you and me
To be frank
But I don't care
I love you still
And not even
The storm
Could deform
My wound
Cause you’re my Advil
For me to be heal

I googled your name
But I found nothing
I've searched every way
Every corner
every edge
Every undiscovered place
But I couldn't find you
You're the only one
Who can find me
And here I am
Waiting for your
Discovery

I don’t like to speculate
I don’t think that we’re drifters
I don’t believe we’re strangers
I do understand though
That we’ve finally
Found our own path
Our own life goal that
One does not need a long explanation
Of why this
Or why suddenly that
You knew better
Friends don’t do that

We may not talk like we used to
We may not spend time as we do
But I’ll always pray for you
Your happiness when you’re depressed
Beautiful and pretty and nothing else
For every beat of sadness
Turns into music and dances
And no matter what
We do in life
Even if it took decades to meet up
Always remember
That once in my heart
Stays; in my heart

Do you know what’s funny?
You’re stabbing
Each other’s throat
Pretending not to look
Projecting coming episode
With a smirk on your emote
Visualizing your next
***** excuses
For you to spur
And stab each other’s throat
Then pretend not to look -
That’s what funny

Let me free
From your gravity
This energy
Is killing me
I rather live
In agony
Then hoping
You’d find me

When the best
Yet to come
When everything
Is undone;
And somehow
It collides
It’ll vanish
With all your lies

I’ve lost happiness along the way
I can’t seem to find it anywhere
For all those time we’ve lost our track
Honestly, this one caused me heartbreak
Whose fault is that? No one knew
The distance; the cold; the breaking rules
The “I have work” 24/7 a day
Leaving me and child alone – astray
I’ve lost your touch
Your love as much
It seems we’ve forgotten to love at all
Letting me breaking alone and fall
I’ve lost happiness along the way
I can’t seem to find it anywhere

You're like
Home to me
Safe and peaceful
it felt like
It's worth
The damage
Just being
With you

it doesn't interest
me anymore
the scent of
you odour
the sight of
your face
the sound of
your voice
it doesn't interest
me anymore
even if we breathe
the same air
shared the same space
the same bed
the same room
the same house
the same offspring
it doesn't interest me anymore

I am an intruder
I didn’t know
The room was occupied
You should have
Put on a ‘don’t disturb’ sign
Not a ‘clean me up’ hint

I’m sorry for hogging
I didn’t know
It was meant for sharing
But I didn’t want to share;
It’s either mine or nothing at all
I didn’t want to dwell with the affair

I am an intruder
No matter what you say
I know I’m not
Playing fair
Wishing for a perfect play
It was all delusional snares

it's okay if people find your poetry a bit blunt
immature
basic
typical
childish
drama
they probably think you're not worthy too

but hey,

life is like that

you don't get to make people like you
you like your own piece.
if it makes you.. you
then, that is all that matters


there's also coffee  :)

I turn to poetry when I’m in pain
A virus I, I wouldn’t understand
Though long-black-coffee made me strong
I’m still in missed, this person I long

I only turn to poetry, when I’m in pain
It gave me feeling, it made me sane
You won’t get it, only I can
Flunked on life, again and again

This poetry I turn to; when I’m in pain
Wished I could stop it, hope I could stand
But this pain is where my heart desire
The ‘once’ crushed-broken; is finally on fire

There were moments
I sometimes wonder
All those bad omens
I have encountered
In the past
Or in the present
I cannot discern
Which one is
a pitiful lament

To a place, I kept falling into
And hide my heart’s desire
Die with your words still inside you –
Stuck and sealed forever wired

I hurt him, he hurt me
Neither of us was meant to be
We thought we would be happy
When we choose this journey

We did our best
But our best was terrible
Not one day we could rest
From begging for a miracle

Then this is our last resort
To stand and heal what’s broken
Would it be forever resolved?
If we let our hearts open?

I left my patience
At home
You've probably
Would have known
This anger that I portray
Would lead you
To your doomsday

I left my hope astray
It wasn't meant
To be at bay
But then I recall
The time I had to crawl
Scream and bang and bawl
Wondering if you
Loved me at all

I left my love
Somewhere out there
Hoping at least
I could've bear
Living without you
Yearning a clue
And start living
For another day

I wanted to let go
But I just couldn’t
This aching heart
Only recognised your smile

I tried, I did
But somehow
My painful chest
Keeps beating
For your sight

It wasn’t ours
To begin with –
We way lose tracks
From our selfish act
But you’ll always
Stays in my heart
Until it shattered –
And buried alive

With all the
Bragging
You brought
To the plate
You’re still
Unable
To squirt
Honesty and moderate
Hence;
Lies that lies
In your eyes
Cause all the cries
As your very own prize

Maybe because
I have loved hard;
I decided
To Live Hard


(as in living life to the fullest kind of hard)

He’s the Man
That promised me
The moon
But killed
The sun

He’s the man
That took care of me
But put me
As his guarantee

He’s the man
Who purvey and produce
But composed
Songs of excuses

He’s the man
Of mystery
That one person
I couldn't predict
That one person
I fail to verdict

He’s the man
Of many things
Many things
Excluding me

Between intersections, he stood
Lurking and peeking below the surface
Wondering if he falls, he'll die
With a gasp of air left in his hand
He prayed somehow it'll end

But still, the ledge is where he stands
Which way to go?
Which where to bend?
Left or right... Either way
He’ll fall and die

And I am that man...
That man who stood on a ledge...

I couldn’t dare
To move on
It means
I have to believe
You’re really gone

Erase you
The forget you
It’s the hardest
Thing for me
To do

I want you
To stay
Forever
Okay?

The reason
Feeling is real
When muse you seek
Is in someone close
Close to heart
And deep in heartbeat

These words only come
When the night starts to hums
I’m speaking in tongues
Beating sticks to the drum
Creating life out of lungs
And poetry it becomes

This is my story
A melodrama-corny
A tragic incident
A burnt heart- not quite
Forever a quitter
Couldn’t stand a man
Rebounded as a lover
Who hands too slippery
To hold and stay close
Sweet-talking; he’s smouldering
With bitter lips that sink
Deeper than conversing
Pretends to be delighted
Act like you’re not lonely
The fact you’re always crying
The moment he’s gone and
You hold his clothes so tight
As you cuddle it every night
You wish you’re with him
When the truth he’s blending
With someone rather important
Leaving your heart dormant
Such a pathetic dying serpent
This is my story
A melodrama–corny

I broke your heart
Not once but twice
It was messy and hard
Your heart – I had heist
Never my motive
Never indeed
Hurting your love was
Like beating me to bleed

This feeling was true
It was never unsure
The only road that was taken
Crossing wrong pattern
Sometimes I wonder
If time meet again
Do you still smile to ear
If I said let’s begin?

But not once but twice
I beg you goodbye
These words flew easy
Easily letting you die
I’m sorry for hurting
I’m sorry I’m leaving
Not once but twice
I was cold as ice

When I die
What will people
Remember me by?
Will they remember?
The way I smiled?
Or when I said goodbye?
Is it perhaps
The way I cheated?
Or the time
When my kindness mistreated?
Would all the guys I’ve fallen before;
Remember me by the first hello?
Perhaps the moment our hearts unite;
Or the time I’ve said
This isn’t right?

Would all my friends
Visit my funeral?
Even when we’re no more in verbal?
The girls whom
I used to be close
Might not even
Send me a rose
I wonder will
They still miss me
When my soul
Incarnate to another mystery

Sometimes I don’t mind
Because of oblivion
Will fade in time
But really
The heart refuses to obey
When you were alone
From the very first day
How I wish
This and that and all
But then again;
It isn’t my call
Demanding people
To remember me by
When there isn’t any left
To be there on your death