my insides hurt from crying
wouldn't you want to know why?
look into my eyes
deep into my eyes
then maybe for once
you'll see

Monsters are real, ghost are real too.
      They live inside us,
                And sometimes
They win.

Watching someone die in a hospital is not as glamorous as they make it seem in the movies
It is gut wrenching
It is awful
We are medically trained to know exactly whats happening,
making it worse
(Yes it hurts the heart of the nurse)
Watching the body shut down
***** by *****
system by system
Watching someone struggle to walk
an struggle to stand
They can't no longer eat because they have lost ability to swallow
and may still be hungry
A face gone so hollow that at one time was lovely
They struggle so hard to breathe we now put them on oxygen
Sit them upright, and say it's okay
We give them drugs to ease the pain
And now they are blinking and unaware
The eyes wander but there's nobody there
And the gasping for hope is the last function left
And we hold their hands as they take their last breath
And we are left to hand them to the families that don't know what to do

then we go back to the nurse's station because we need to cry too

I think about you so often
that I find myself in your dreams
searching for your spirit
to kiss you
to hold you
to know you
how beautiful the night seems
now that I've found you

Let our imaginations
continue to carry us beyond the page
and into our veins
for purpose
for clarity
for understanding
how lovely the days have become
now that I've found you

If it only lasts a short while
and all we have is this moment then I still wouldn't have it any different
to read you
to feel you
to heal you
how the hurt seems to disappear
now that I found you

Even if it is just the moment
let the moment continue to be as lovely as our dreams