what an ugly person.
they look so stupid.
it makes me angry.
i want to **** them.
why do they still live?
they don't deserve to.
i punch them,
and the mirror shatters,
the shards lined with blood.

love me in the crowded room
where no one is watching
watch me dance among the stars
and bellow at the wind

let me sing my worries
and whisper my joys

love me like you love the falling leaves
with your hands tucked in your pockets
before jumping in with everything

love me like you aren’t afraid
in a crowded room
for someone to see you

taking too much
eating too little
cutting too deep
being too shallow

i don't think
my parents will accept me
if they found out who i really am
cold blooded
heart-scarred
and frozen over

clamoring voices
twist and turn
around me
melodies strange
each utterance
a puzzle,
a din
unbearable

I watch them
laughter rises
like smoke from fire
merry-making
joy
in their faces

I stand
at the banks
of their flowing
mother tongue,
I cannot cross;
I feel the divide

the song
of my culture
the lyrics
I cannot sing
lost in
the sound
understanding
eludes me

traditions and dances
warmth
of their fire
a distant craving
too distant
I feel nothing
but bitterness

lights dimming
the weight of
shame
bears down
upon me;
I shall know
no release

i draw with silver
lines, x's and spots
under a sleeve
so i never get caught

my canvas is my skin
and so with the blade i drag
across my peach paper
so they won't be mad

i'm sorry, mom
i'm sorry, dad
i'll never be the son you wanted to have
perfect grades,
happy and smart

i'm so sorry...
i'm sorry i have to tear us apart

god, i'm so sorry
last time was really close
i'm doing better now
i promise

just don't look under my sleeve
and it'll all be okay

Every little rejection
Every "I can't"
"Maybe"
Feels like I opened my chest
Giving them access to my heart
And they took it out
Twisted it
And put it back in bleeding