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I'm not afraid to stand up this far,
I'm scared to fall and be forever scarred.
I'm not afraid to walk now alone,
But to be forever on my very own.  

I'm not afraid to sing aloud,
I'm scared I'll be told shut up right now.
I'm not afraid to let trust in,
I'm scared it'll be broken and proven wrong again.  

I'm not afraid of death to come,
I'm scared I won't accomplish what I want to get done.
I'm not afraid to love and let my heart soar,
I'm scared he won't want to and I'll be left unsure.  

I'm not afraid to love I'm scared to be broken,
To let love in is an invitation for the heart to slowly blacken.
I'm not afraid to love or to let him in,
Because I trust his heart and that's a good place to begin.
Today, October 26 2010, I recieved a letter in the mail from Creative Communications telling me that I was one of the many people who entered their poetry contest to win. I get to be published in one of their seasonal Anthologies. Some of you may notice this poem is taken from a previous one, it's just modified and shortened. This is because thier contest entries are only allowed to be 21 lines. Just thought I'd give you a background on the poem :)
you had birds in your mouth and sunlight dripping from your eyelashes.
i promised i wouldn't speak if you wouldn't change faces twice an hour.
we made conversation under a tree and sleep-walked through your kitchen.
i couldn't stare for your poetry disguised as fingers, always moved your hands.

i opened your window and slid to the street, took a walk with the recycling.
my hands looked tired the next morning, and you wouldn't take no.
when the lights fell asleep, we ran for the boats and slipped into the water.
the moon smiled and pulled us apart, i never matched your shoes again.
Nevermore do I decide, while sitting here with ocean eyes.
Looking through the dark deep gray; finding what is not today.
Looking for long lost fact; finding what I do want back.
Nevermore do I decide, sitting here with ocean eyes.
Crying with my light blue tears..
I've finally found what I've always feared.
Sitting here with my guitar, looking through the clouds afar
Nevermore do I decide while laying here with ocean eyes.
To keep my head above to ground
The sound I hear is so profound.
Nevermore do I decide, while laying here with ocean eyes.
Feet at the edge
I imagine the fall
Air flowing through my hair
Body weightless and out of control
will it hurt when my bones break?
will my soul have a chance to escape?
feet at the edge
I imagine this all
You fade...
Like a bruise.

Like the ones your mouth left on my neck and shoulders with its lustful pressure.
Your teeth, which brought moments of bright pain/pleasure,
Are now bared in an artificial, animal smile.

Your lips, which parted to ******* skin like it was salvation,
Barely part now to speak to me.
You whispered my name like a prayer.
You screamed it like a curse.
You sighed it in contentment,
And now you won't even speak it in passing.

Your hands, which half-playfully pulled my hair...
Now won't pause to brush it from my face.

All these parts of you,
None more telling than your eyes.
Those new windows, which once let me pry...
Now have blinds drawn tight behind them,
Leaving only a pretty, shiny reflection-
A passing, glancing imitation-
Of the passion they once held
When they beheld
Me.

No color left to them but the muddy colors of
Boredom,
And possibly mistrust.

You fade...
Like a bruise.
Like the one you left on my mind with your brilliant conversation
And beautiful, rusty prose.
Like the many you left on my tongue...
Which now can speak nothing but trite and meaningless words,
Which now can barely remember the shapes
Of all the shimmering, liquid phrases it spoke to you
That seemed so important at the time.

You fade...
Like a bruise.
Once lover and friend,
Now barely one
And never the other again.
It never stops hurting.
That hole he left.
Everyone says it takes time..
..that I’ll feel better eventually.
But I won’t.

It never stops hurting.
That ache in my chest.
There’s a feeling like so much was left unsaid.
But in reality, it still would have happened.
He stopped loving me.

How do you move on?
From the person you can’t, or don’t want to, live without.
How do you move on?
When all you want to do is go back in time.

It never stops hurting.
Don’t believe the well-meant lies.
There won’t be another special someone.
Not when all you see in others,
Are reflections of him

It never stops hurting.
And he’s in everything you see.
He’s in every thought, every memory, every song.
You want to feel whole,
but you never will.

How do you move on?
When all you want is his kiss again.
How do you move on?
When you can still imagine his ring on your finger.

It never stops hurting.
When you lose your other half.
And eventually you decide to just wait.
Hope he comes back.
Because you’re that pathetic.

It never stops hurting.
No matter how many pills you pop.
No matter how many calories you drop.
No matter how many scars you carve.
It never stops hurting.

So why bother trying to get better,
when it never stops?
Inspired by a low point I experienced lately, about being thrown aside by someone I loved.  Comments for improvement are more than welcome.
Searching for beauty
she stumbles in
darkness.

Convinced the mirrors
on the wall will
talk.

Telling the world
her ugly secrets.
Telling the world of
her inescapable flaws.

Searching for happiness
she clutches at
porcelain.

Loving the purge
in such a sickening
way.

Her insides roll with
aching triumph. Her
lips form a smile on her
***** smeared face.

Searching for peace
she carves out
her skin.

Silencing the voices
that drive her to
this.

Rubies fall from her
open wounds. Lips quivering
at the thought of it all
stopping to soon.

Searching for perfection
she puts on her
face.

Paints her lips
red and straightens
her mane.

Sweaty palms smooth
her barely there outfit.
It's time to test all her
self-injury effort.
You are a drink of warm water come to fill
The void in my chest, ease its ache for
A desperately needed hour of rest,

His red hair and charmers smile
Set fire to the things I said about
Being so void I was numb,
Seems dumb now as heat
Rushes through my veins.

I think of him and his laughter
The next night and every after.
And how his broad chest and long arms
Protect me from all the pains
Of complete maturity.

He  hurries to encourage me
To dance in the rain, and play make believe,
Maybe that’s how he got me to see
I could be happy, I could live in rapture
Created by captured moments of his touch,
Collaged out of memories of us

Like running across campus
Bare foot and key in hand,
Single piece of hair like superman.
Your hand in mine despite
Angry words misplaced and
The feeling of your chest
Rising and falling beneath my cheek.

Your eyes mean everything.
A Band-Aid across my brokenness,
Long desperate kiss
To fill my chest with butterflies
And play and bliss, no one means as much as this.
You are a complete twist ending,
To the way my life was spinning
And half my reasons to still exists.
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