the master's peace is an unknown masterpiece
a ****** scrap of paper
floating across plains-
they are not godforsaken
but the people who walk them have forsaken god
they are wanderers- like me
we all are
and i wondered
i wished that one of us chasing that torn scrap of script
would catch it in our fist
and so on this page i write the secret
forget, then crumple it


[the secret]

[Jesus is the way. he is the light of day. The only real reason to breathe. The hardest thing to hold onto. The only one who can always be trusted to hold you. The answer to all your questions- If only after you die. The scars in his side were for you. If you would stop wandering and look beside yourself you would see his face. If you only cried out, if your soul cried out to him, he would listen. he would hear. he would answer.The only peace you will ever have forever is his peace. The master's peace. It is a masterpiece. Let him paint it in you. Please God acid etch it into me.]

A  toast, to insanity at the hands of love, to ridiculous helplessness that renders all else pointless, to two-way-ten mile bicycle rides in the darkest hour, with dogs snapping at your ankles and your parents possibly killing you in the morning, a toast, to insanity at the hands of love.

she shivered as she walked away
phone in hand
its light an ethereal wisp
surreal and hallucinogenic for lack of sleep
i followed because my phone was dead
i had to be sure she got inside
i had to be sure she was safe
she shivered as she walked away
and even though she says she doesn't know
if she loves me
the stars stared down at us thinking

that the creator had put on a puppet show to entertain them
that if they blinked they might miss something
i didn't want to blink
as the starlight of a single star
in a pale white glow
silhouetted her grin
"this is so unreal"
"even now, i can't help but think you are beautiful"
"if you didn't love me i would try to make you"
"there is no way, absolutely no way..i can't..i don't know what i'd do without you"
she shivered as she walked away
we would talk for hours the next day
this is only the beginning
you shivered as you walked away
i had to take my jacket back
but we both know why you shivered
... that undertone of feeling that
what had happened was meant to...
that night we'd relive in our dreams and daydreams countless times...why?
you shivered as you walked away.
the feeling that you love me
forced and kept silent-made you shiver
we both know why you shivered as you walked away

i am sorry
that t i told you
how to feel
i only meant to tell you
what i hoped


it is from somewhere calm and deep within me
that i say
what happened to us?
i too ,miss the smiles and innocence
miss the laughter,the time we spent
miss so much the simple things
a glance in the middle of everyone
was all it took to make me feel like the only person in the world
what can i do but wait and hope and pray
for a day to come
one where innocence is restored
and your smile...makes me smile too
and your laugh...is as contagious as that first day
where i threw dirt and missed on purpose
could barely keep my eyes away...afraid you'd notice
scared to death you would think i was some sort of freak
ecstatic when it made you happy
to talk almost all night to me
i want to go back
to a life that feels like that memory
i have no perfect way to ask, nor  words good enough to plead
but always will i ask
will you go back with me?

I know it is not as easy as snapping your fingers and moving your feet foward
i know i have hurt you deeply, and i know what it is like, i know that there will always be scars, i know...but above all....i know....that that is what i want most....i can only hope...you want it too...to be friends...and really be friends...this silence..it should only last so long...today.....i would like if it would end...

evrything looks like a dagger with no hilt and two blades
blade in hand
i reach out
intending to cut
and i do
both me and you

i hate feeling like i am the one who wants this when there should be two.
i hate being the one who is on this side when at least some of the time it should be you.
and so i guess what im trying to say is i hate this anymore
that i keep having instincts that i keep having to ignore
those instincts that tell me that im just imagining what we had
to run and disappear because all im going to ever do
is dream about yesterday and you
the instincts to seperate myself from you and just forget it all
but do you want to know what the worst thing about this is?
it isnt that i hate this feeling
it isnt that i ignore my instincs because i love you
its that i have no idea
if you will ever care for me the way i care for you
and knowing that if you dont
if you wont
which is likely
that i will be crushed and empty
still stuck
with this feeling

there are two things i regret most.
they are
not realizing how far behind i had left God
and hurting you

Dear death,
you are a fickle old man with a sickle shaped grin.
A cadaver cassanova with a scythe shaped smile
please come in and sit a while, let's have a little talk
why are you grinning? ... the clock stopped
wait! what are you doing?! oh it's me? im dying?
where are you going? Don't walk away from me!
you have a schedule to keep? oh, how naive of me to think
that i actually meant something to you
oh, i do? then why are you leaving so fast?
you have to go and me a gift? what is it?
He was going to get all id loved and left.