words cannot easily express
all that my heart has come to understand
questions cannot easily ask
all that my heart has come to wonder

and so i have been stripped bare before the almighty God of the universe
even i do not know my heart like you do
i am decieved more easily by myself than any other
you know
i can only feel
like i feel
you have made me
human
and sometimes i wish i felt dead
rather than feeling so alive
because pain marks that i still live

the truth
and lies
look like
mirror
images

i looked back for a moment
she shook her head her hair fluffed into a ball of ****
fluffy! !!!!!!!
i exclaimed grinning ear to ear
and then i thought about the night before when
she said she wanted to **** her self
my smile died and inside i died too
tears nearly came to my eyes
choked back only because of the crowd
i wish my friends could live and be happy
i wish my friends could live and be whole

gossamer silver rays dance and lurch lovingly across the face of silken smooth waters
liquid heat rears its head on the lonely shore, ducking when i spot it
wandering feet cross tentatively over dull glass sands that scream
dust and sweat fill the lungs of youth that dream
thick woven moonbeams and the rythmic pulse of speakers saturate the air
children in a drunken stupor stumble across the dying embers and don't care
unfeeling, they are lulled to sleep by empty thoughts
bottles slip from their hands and their friends step over them
i hope they can find their way home in the morning

fine grained grit embedded in pale grey cement
wind over my skin, the grass is moving a bit
voices are just out of reach- whispering things
i just wish i could hear
suddenly the wind dies and slivers of words meet my ears
but only slivers
slivers of whispers
imbed themselves in my skin
thin pieces of word that i wish werent there
"i hate everything, don't talk to me"
It ******* kills me to hear

a cursor on the page as i stare into blank white space
unsure of what i feel and worried it shows on my face
thoughts i cant control invade my mind
the sure instinct or maybe feeling that something just isnt right
its disturbing, unnerving, unsettling-  perhaps
thoughts turned daydream must alway become waking nightmares
perhaps one of these thoughts will be my bunny's death snare
i dont want to let go but if i must
what if, what if, what if
i cant go peacefully
what if against my will she'd die for me
id lie in bed for days but never sleep
dying because killing her was killing me

I wish that i could stop dreaming because in the end my friend i wake up screaming. Blind and unseeing i arise, wide eyed with my voice flying from my throat. you all know that i have nightmares, or if u dont you dont care. Scribbles from my pen reveal that to feel one must live and to live one must lie awake at night, free to think with insanity flowing through his veins. Attacking sanity because sanity is a cage that enrages me.  The thinker , the feeler, the hoper, the dreamer. In all sanity one is far from reality. A wise man once said to me "things are not what they seem". The silent are screaming the dreaming are waking, the  fallen are flying, the living are dying, and still we cant see that we are blind to the truth. I was blind to the truth but now death is dead to me.